30 Days of Truth

I am copying this from another blog I read. She may not do this for 30 consecutive days, so I will just follow her lead and post when she does.

Day 1~ Something you hate about yourself.

There are several, but I will try to pick just one (or two!). I cry easily. Happy, sad, angry, overwhelmed, exhausted, embarrassed, nervous or frustrated all result in crying. Talking about my kids or any kids for that matter can bring on the tears, too. Just THINKING about my family makes my nose burn and eyes water. I will cry during TV commercials, too. Just today I watched Cougar Town and cried at the end when Courtney Cox was talking with her dad. If I see someone else crying, I cry. If I listen to music, I cry. I have told Drew many times that if there was one thing I could change about myself it would be that I cry way too easily. He, being the wonderfully supportive husband that he is, has told me that it is something he loves about me. He may love it, but I hate it. Just sitting here typing about this is making me tear up! For as long as I can remember, I have been this way. I guess I am just overly sensitive. I have tried to accept that this is the way God made me, but it is still embarrassing when I tear up for no apparent reason. I don't want to make people uncomfortable around me, so I try to hold it in as best as I can. I guess this is just something I will have to continue to live with.

The next thing I hate about myself is that if I am afraid I will fail at something I won't try it. I don't like to fail~ who does, right?! I know I have held myself back from some things because I am afraid of failure. I know this is just part of my insecurities (I have MANY), but it is still hard to overcome.

So, there you have it, two things I HATE about myself. I don't hate myself, there are just some things that I wish were different. What do you hate about yourself?

Progress

I have debated about blogging about this for a few weeks now, but I have decided to just go ahead and do it. If nothing else, it will be documentation for me that this truly did occur in my life!

I started doing Weight Watchers Online about mid-summer. I knew it would work because I have seen it work on other people. I didn't think I would last very long, though. I love to eat! I knew it would be hard to make the necessary sacrifices to lose weight. I am not terrible over weight, but I am heavier than I want to be (aren't we all!). My goal was/is to lose 20 pounds. So far, I have managed to lose 11. It has come off very slowly. Eleven pounds in three and a half months is not much to brag about, but at least it is coming off and not coming on! :0) I won't say I never stray from Weight Watchers, because I do. I'm sure it would come off a lot faster if I stuck with the program exactly, but I would like to enjoy life (and food) a little bit!

I also started training for a half marathon about six weeks ago. This is something I NEVER thought I would do. Running is just not my thing, but I decided to give it a go. I, along with a friend and my little sister, signed up to do the White Rock half marathon in December. Right now the training is going well. I run at the gym two days a week and do a long run on the weekends. I am also still strength training four days a week and doing some cross training two days a week. The last two weeks we have run eight miles on our long runs. Our average time per mile was just under 9 minutes per mile. Not too shabby, I guess. I don't really have anything to compare it to, though! This Saturday we will run 9 miles and I hope we can maintain the same pace. My original goal was to just finish the half marathon without walking, but I think I am going to have a time goal as well. We'll see how the rest of the training goes. I think I have six weeks left before race day.

So, with all this watching what I am eating and extra running going on I have managed to lose 11 pounds, but I have also gone down a size in my clothes. I have lost several inches all over my body (I took measurements before starting) and I am finally able to see a difference in my clothes. I still have days where I feel totally "fat," but those days are getting fewer and farther apart. I hope I can finally beat this horrible "fat trap" that I have been in. I really want to be comfortable with the body I have been given and don't want to obsess over every little thing I put in my mouth. It is a struggle, but I am hopeful that I can rise above it. Until then, I will continue to run and will try to do my best to eat healthy food each day.

Pictures

We have been VERY busy this week and last week and the week before that, well, you get the idea. So, I am just going to post some pictures I have taken lately. Enjoy!

Searching for Balance

Today I just needed some time to be still and quiet. I finished with my last class at school and the boys were in my office with me. They were doing what all kids do when they are together~ talk, make noise, touch each other, argue, etc... As I was sitting there trying not to lose it with them, it dawned on me~ I don't have any time during the day that I am able to just sit in silence. At the gym in the mornings there is music blaring. At home someone always needs something. At school, 400 someones need something. In the evenings we are making dinner (Yes, I make dinner sometimes!), taking baths, doing homework, getting ready for the next day, etc. Yes, I am thankful that I am able to go to the gym, spend time with my kids, have a job, cook dinner and do homework. I am just craving some time to sit in silence and rest, reflect and maybe breathe a little. When my life is hectic for long periods of time I feel myself coming unraveled. I feel like that right now. I need some time where I don't HAVE to do anything. I need some time with no responsibilities. Please tell me other people feel the same way. I don't want it to seem like I am ungrateful for all I have been given. I am so very thankful. How do you find the right balance? I am searching for that right now.