Simply Simmons

Struggling

2012-01-29T17:51:00.006-06:00

I am not perfect. Shocking, I know. No, actually, I think I am the only one who thinks I have to try to be perfect. Everyone else can see my flaws. Why do we try to be perfect when there is no possible way to be perfect? Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves? Why do we compare ourselves to others? Why do we immediately criticize others for having faults? (I actually know the answer to that one. It's because of our insecurities that we feel the need to find fault in others so we don't feel so bad about ourselves.) If we know we aren't perfect and never can be, why do we try?

Lately I have been struggling with my eating patterns. I let my guard down some because we have been running so much and now I feel like I am getting out of control. I haven't stepped on a scale in over a month now and don't plan to any time soon. My clothes still fit, but I just "feel" bigger. I don't know if my body is changing and it is feeling different or if I am really "growing." I am just starting to feel lumpy and bumpy. I don't want to undo everything I have worked toward over the past year and a half. I KNOW how hard it is to lose weight. I KNOW how much work and thought I put into everything I ate. I don't want to have to start over again. I guess what I am trying to say in a lot of words is that I am struggling. How do you know when it is time to simply maintain (even if I am not down to where I want to be) or when to keep going?

I feel like I eat pretty healthy and I know I work out plenty. I guess it is all about portion control. That's the hardest thing to get under control. I'll admit it, I like food~ a lot. Food brings out positive emotions in me. I am usually having fun when I am eating. I am usually around friends or family when I am eating. I like food. I just need to like smaller portions of food! :0)

We will run a marathon in four weeks. I am going to work on my portion control from now until then. After we run I am going to step on the scale again and see where I am and where I need to change. I may blog about this process, too. I know I am not the only one struggling with this. I hope to help others along the way as I am trying to help myself. Feel free to ask me how it's going. I could really use the accountability.

I also realize that some people may find it shallow to talk about weight and body image. To the I say, "Don't read my blog!" That is all. :0)

Why I post about all of this...

2012-01-28T14:50:00.002-06:00

I post about my workouts all the time. I do this for accountability and to show people that it is possible to fit exercise into a busy schedule. I have also found that some people are inspired by my journey. I love reading success stories and they inspire me, so it makes me feel good to know that some people have been inspired by reading about my journey.

I have found out lately that some people are offended by my posts. They have made comments to people I know insinuating that I am bragging in some way about what I do and how much weight I have lost. At first, I was very defensive and my feelings were hurt.

My intentions were and still are pure and I in no way ever meant to hurt any one. I know some people have "defriended" me from Facebook over this, also. Again, my feelings were hurt, but I guess I will get over it. Haters will hate, I guess.

I will not stop posting. I will continue to share about my journey~ struggles and victories. My hope is that someone will find something that encourages them or inspires them to reach beyond what they ever thought possible.

I am an open book (not so sure that is always a good thing!) and would gladly answer any questions you may have. Although I don't claim to know everything, I do know what has worked/is working for me and what has not worked in the past. If you want to know anything, just ask!!!

Jamie Elizabeth McKay September 10, 1970-January 22, 1992

2012-01-22T15:25:00.004-06:00

Twenty

2012-01-21T18:14:00.005-06:00

Jamie (2) and Jana (1) February 1973

Twenty years ago I came home from work to find my sister dead on my bed. My life was forever changed.

I remember the day like it was yesterday. I came home between school (I was a sophomore in college) and work and she was sick. She had been to the doctor the day before and was diagnosed with the flu. When I saw her she looked terrible~ white as a ghost and wrapped in a blanket on the couch. That was the last time I would see her alive. "Stop moping around," were the last words I ever said to her. Yes, I was the caring little sister that got on her last nerve~ daily.

All through work I just had this nagging feeling that I wanted to go home. (Of course, these things become more apparent after something terrible happens.) I just couldn't shake the feeling. I stayed and worked my shift because we were in the middle of doing inventory and in retail that is the most important day of the year.

I got home around 6:30 on a Wednesday evening. It was dark and cold. There were no lights on in the house. This was odd since I knew she was home. I called her name while turning on lights. When I turned on my light in my bedroom I knew it was too late. I had never seen death before, but it is unmistakable. It's the color of the skin that is a telltale sign. She was laying on my bed like she had just sort of fallen there. One leg was hanging off and her hands were up at her chest. Her eyes were almost shut~ almost. I grabbed my phone instinctively and dialed 911. I don't know what I said, but I do know they asked me if she was breathing. I remember telling them that I couldn't touch her, but that I didn't think so. That's all I remember about the call.

I remember walking around the house waiting for the paramedics to get there. Just wandering aimlessly~ pacing. At some point I called my dad at work (in Waco) and all I remember saying was, "Jamie is dead." I then handed the phone to someone. I don't know who. Those words sounded like they came from someone else. I couldn't possibly have said those words.

I tried to call my mom at work, but she had already left. Those were the days before cell phones. I couldn't warn her of what she was about to walk into at home. I will never forget the look on her face when she walked into the house and saw all then people in there. She was never the same after that.

I will also always remember the sound Jamie's fiancee made when he came to the house and was told she had died. They were less than 8 months away from being married and I can say that he was never the same, either. I guess none of us were. You never know what a huge hole someone will leave in your heart and your world until they are gone.

An autopsy was performed and it was ruled that she developed pneumonia. This diagnosis has never settled well with me. I don't see how a seemingly healthy 21 year old woman can be diagnosed with the flu one day and be dead 24 hours later. I am not doctor, but it just doesn't seem right. I guess when it's your time to go, you just go. It doesn't always make sense.

Jamie and I were your typical sisters. We were 13 months apart (1 year, 1 month, 1 week and 1 day apart to be exact). We fought like nobody's business and talked until the wee hours in the morning. She took care of me and acted like she hated every minute of it. Every time we moved (which was a lot) she let me sleep in her bed until I was ready to sleep in my own. We scratched each others backs at night and sang songs together. We played dolls, Barbies, store, school and house together. We were each others best friend and worst enemy. When we would move we would only have each other until we met new friends. She was the only person who truly understood what it was like to grow up like we did. The only person who really knew the true me.

Through the years I have wondered what it would have been like if she were still around. Would we still bicker and fight? Would we drop by each other's house just because? Would our kids be best friends?

It is hard to believe that I have lived as much of my life without her as I did with her. I have been dreading this day for years. I wondered what it would "feel" like to have lived as long without her as I did with her. It has been so long, but seems so recent. Time is strange.

The picture at the top is one of the last pictures ever taken of her. That was taken in December 1991 and she died about a month later in January 1992. I wish I would have realized that my time with her was coming to an end. You just never know when will be the last time you see someone. You just never know.

This is how I like to remember her. She was about 9 years old here. She was happy and healthy and our world was fairly stable at this point. We were inseparable at this time in our lives.

It took me a long time to stop feeling numb. I returned to school and work. I needed the routine of it all. My mom eventually returned to work. After Jamie's death my mom and I didn't know how to act around each other. Jamie was the "good" kid and I was the "bad" one. She and Jamie got along with each other, where as I just caused trouble. Looking back I realize that I had a lot of anger issues that should have been dealt with. I know how to handle my anger as an adult, but as a kid I just lashed out. This became more apparent after Jamie was gone. My mom and I were so angry/sad/hurt that all we did was snap at each other.

Even though things were tense and we didn't speak, I slept in her bed every night for about a year. I didn't want to sleep in my room~ that is where she died. I didn't want to sleep in Jamie's room~ that is where she lived. My mom's room was the only other option. There I was 20 years old sleeping with my mom. I needed my mom, but was too afraid/scared/proud to say so. So, she let me sleep with her and never said a word about it.

Eventually, I couldn't even be in that house and ended up moving to an apartment by myself. The memories were just too much. My mom moved shortly after that, too. I can't even begin to imagine what it was like for her.

I am a changed person because of my sister. I miss being a little sister and being taken care of by her. I am thankful that I have Drew and my kids. They are such a blessing to me. Even though I often wonder why things happen the way they do, I know that I am not in control. My ways are not God's ways. His plan is perfect even though it isn't always what we would choose. I know I will see my sister again. We accepted Christ as our Saviour at the same time and were even baptized together. I look forward to the day I can see her again and give her a great big little sister hug.

Checking In!

2012-01-09T18:39:00.002-06:00

This is my first post in the new year. I don't have/find time to blog much lately. Our life is not that exciting anyway. I am in the middle of training for the Cowtown Marathon. I never in my life thought I would ever say that. I thought all marathon runners were a little (a lot) crazy. Now, I am one of them. I am not, however, taking it to the extreme. We are not on a strict training schedule. We decided before even signing up that we just couldn't do that to ourselves and to our families. We agreed that if we need to walk some during the marathon that we wouldn't beat ourselves up about it. Walking does not equal failure. Failure would be not even trying. Completing the race will be our success.

I have been dealing with a nagging knee issue, though. It stays swollen most of the time and is painful to walk and run. There is nothing I can do about it besides not running or having surgery and neither of those things are going to happen. So, I just forge forward and try not to let it get me down. I may have to buy ibuprofen by the case at Sam's, though! I am planning on getting it looked at eventually if it doesn't go away on it's own after we stop running so much. After the marathon, I may take some time off and just walk or cross train. We'll see. Since the end of August we have only taken two Saturdays off from running. Two. Since October we have run atleast 20 miles a week. Maybe that is why my knee hurts! I never considered myself a runner, but not I am beginning to think I am. Who would have thought?!?

Bryson has his first basketball game this weekend. Drew is coaching him. I think that is so neat and hopefully Bryson will have some fond memories of his daddy coaching him. I can't wait to see them both in action! Bryson is doing well in sixth grade. He is will Drew most of the time and I hardly ever see him. He is almost as tall as I am and finally weighs over 100 pounds. Wasn't it just yesterday that he was a tiny, less than seven pound baby? Oh my goodness, how time is flying by.

Jackson is half-way through second grade! I can't believe it! He remains the sweetest little thing. The other day he wrote, "I am the luckiest boy," on my iPad. I asked him why he was so lucky. He said, "Because I have the best mom in the world." He is just so sweet. He holds the door open for me and almost always says "Yes, ma'am" and "No, ma'am."

Addison is as animated as ever. She is happy most of the time and knows how to make me laugh. Her little personality is just blossoming and she is one of a kind! She loves her "Lady's Day" and enjoys hanging out with me and Drew. She still watches Sesame Street and LOVES to play with her apps on my iPad. I can't wait to see her start school in the fall. She is going to do so great!

Drew is as great as ever. We are working on getting some things squared away so we can have a little more financial freedom in the coming years. Paying off bills is a lot like going on a diet. It takes time and preseverence to make it through. I am hopeful that we are moving in the right direction.

We had a great Christmas break. This was the first year we didn't go up to Oklahoma. I missed it but just wanted to stay home this year. I have been very emotional lately and just didn't want to have to deal with all the memories I have up there. My feelings have been very raw and being up there just seems to make them worse right now. We are hoping to go back up there over Spring Break.

I am still teaching a boot camp class after school two days a week and I am still enjoying it. I am hopeful that the people who are coming are getting something out of the class. I really enjoy working with adults and hope that I can teach them something. Could this lead to something else? Who knows! I am open to all possibilities!

That's about all! The weeks are moving fast! I am looking forward to the second half of the school year and especially looking forward to my time off in the summer!

I've got a new attitude!!!

2011-12-26T20:16:00.005-06:00

My attitude has been pretty bad lately. I have been blaming others for the way I have felt. I have had many discussions with myself in my head. (I hope I'm not the only one who does this!) I have been trying to figure out why I am so unhappy, angry, vengeful and hateful when I have so much to be thankful for. I am usually a positive person, but that has changed lately. I don't know why, but I am determined to change. I don't enjoy feeling uneasy and angry all the time. I am missing out on some good times because I am too busy wasting my energy being mad. So what if not everybody likes me? I have to learn to like myself. I can't do anything about what has happened in my past. I can only change things now. I have the most wonderful husband and three sweet and healthy kids who think I hung the moon. I have a few close friends who love me even when I don't deserve it. I am healthy and physically able to do everything I need/want to do. Sure I could do some things better, but don't we all have room for improvement? I need to stop comparing myself to others. When I compare myself I always end up feeling horrible about myself. I know this, but continue to do it. I am going to make a conscious effort to look on the bright side, appreciate the people who choose to be a part of my life and look for the blessings around me each day. I am sure my outlook will change and hopefully I will be much happier. I have so much to be thankful for. I am truly blessed beyond measure.

Feelings

2011-12-21T18:10:00.003-06:00

I'm sure it's no secret that I have been having a tough time lately. The holidays have brought some feelings and hurts to the surface and I can't seem to control them. Usually I can do a pretty good job at pretending things are fine and/or stuffing my feelings deep down inside. For some reason, though, I can't do it anymore. I'm tired, cranky, hurt, sensitive, emotional and angry. Yes, I have prayed about it. Yes, I have tried to distract myself. Yes, I have talked about it- to Drew. Those things helped temporarily, but then the feelings rear their ugly heads and I lose control. I am to the point where I don't want to see or speak to anyone outside of my little circle of five (me, Drew and my kids) and one or two friends. I don't care if I hurt anyone's feelings. I am in self-preservation mode and I am just trying to protect myself. I may end up spending the rest of the holidays holed up in my house. That would be perfectly fine with me. Am I depressed? Probably. Am I going to do anything about it. Nope. I'm sure it will pass just like it always has before. I don't know how long it will take, but I'm willing to just ride it out. I don't know why certain times of the year have to be so hard. I guess that's just how life goes. I guess I will just try to make it through the holidays the best I can and try to get back on track after these feelings pass.

Sweet Suprise

2011-12-10T08:32:00.004-06:00

This morning I decided to go out for a run. Drew had to work today so I was trying to get back before he had to leave. About 3/4 of the way into my run I look up and there he is standing on the corner. Shocked, I asked him what was wrong. He smiled and said he just needed one of my kisses. I love that man so much. I know I didn't do anything to deserve him. I just hope I can do enough to keep him.

Second Half

2011-12-04T14:16:00.002-06:00

Today I ran my second half-marathon. Last year I swore I would NEVER do another one. I even used some colorful words when I said it! I didn't think I would ever run again. After calming down and changing my workout routine, I reconsidered. I signed up for another one six months ago knowing that I would have to do it if I paid for it. We trained all fall and finally race day came. My goal this year was to enjoy it. I am proud to say that not only did I enjoy it this time, but I ran my personal best time of 1:58. That was even done in 45 degree temps and rain. I really think the rain helped by keeping us cool. I am even contemplating running a full marathon in the next few months. I may not be able to run the whole thing, but I want to complete one.

I am so thankful for Drew's support and understanding that this is something I want to do. He may not understand it, but he has told me more than once that he will support whatever I want to do. I am blessed by that man.

I always hated running. I wasn't good at it and I just didn't like it. I am stocky and have short legs. I am definitely not build like a runner! At one time I worked up to running five miles at a time. That was quite an accomplishment for me. I didn't do it very often because it hurt! :0) After I had kids just running a mile or two was torturous. I knew running would change my body, but I just didn't like it. Once Nancy and I started running together I started getting better at it and it didn't hurt so much. I finally realized that I could be a runner even though I'm not build like a runner and always hated it. I may not be fast, but I just try my best. I won't say that I enjoy running for the sake of running,yet, but hopefully I can get there. I like how I feel AFTER I run and I like how much stronger I have become, so maybe one day I will like to run for enjoyment. Who knows! Miracles happen every day!

Training and Stuff

2011-11-20T17:12:00.004-06:00

It's been a while since my last post. That is because life is crazy busy right now. When I get home from work I only have time to make dinner, help with homework and get the kids ready for bed. When I do finally sit down, I don't want to sit at the computer. I hope life slows down a little bit to allow for more blogging time, but I just don't see how or when. I can hope, though.

My second half-marathon is less than two weeks away. I know after running one last year I said I wouldn't do another one, but I guess I lied. I said I was giving up running. It was too hard on my body and I didn't like it. That lasted exactly one week. So, in June I signed up to run another half-marathon. My goal this year is to enjoy it and take in the atmosphere of the run and have fun with my training partner. I would like to beat my time of 2:06, also. We are aiming for a time of right under 2 hours. I hesitate putting this out there, but I really think we can do it. Based on our training times, we are right there. I am hoping the adrenaline will help us reach that goal.

We started our long runs thirteen weeks ago. We have been running on Saturdays with one Sunday mixed in there because of a scheduling conflict. We never missed a week. We started off with four miles and added a half mile or, just recently, a full mile each week. We worked up to 12 miles. That run was yesterday and was definitely the toughest one for me. More on that later.

So, on Saturday we run outside around my neighborhood. During the week we do a variety of activities. On Monday we do the Nike Training Club app for 30 minutes and run 4 miles. Tuesdays and Thursdays we do Nike Training Club for 45 minutes and either the stairclimber or elliptical for 15-20 minutes. Tuesday and Thursday afternoons I teach a Boot Camp class after school. On Wednesdays we run 7-8 miles on the treadmill, depending on our speed and how much time we have. Fridays are our yoga days. Saturdays are long run days. Yeah, it's a lot, but I am SO much stronger this year than I was last year.

Last year I struggled through the long runs and was physically ill for about a day afterward. I have only had a couple of days like that this year and it usually followed a run that was in the heat and or humidity. Yesterday was the first time this "running season" that my knees hurt. They ached SO BAD all day long and into the night. I even went to bed with heat wraps wrapped around each knee. Today they have been a little sore, but definitely less sore than yesterday. It's just something I am going to have to put up with, I guess.

Next Saturday we are doing a short 5 mile run just to give ourselves a little break before we run on the 4th. I think this will help us feel fresh and ready to run the whole 13.1 really strong. I know 13.1 miles doesn't seem like a lot to some serious runners, but I remember a time not that long ago that I could barely run one mile without feeling like I was going to pass out. I have worked really hard to get to where I am today and can finally say that I am proud of what I have accomplished. I can finally say unapologically and with confidence that I am a runner. In the past I wouldn't call myself a runner. Now I am a runner. Not a big deal to most people, but it is a big deal to me.

Nancy and I have already talked about how we are going to change up our training after our run on the 4th. I am excited to have a change and a new focus. We have signed up for the Warrior Dash in April and will probably do a couple of small 5k's in the Spring. I don't know when we will do another half, but I am not going to rule anything out. I would like to do the Tough Mudder, also. We'll see. For now I will focus on our run coming up and see what the future holds.

Random, because that's the way I roll.

2011-10-27T19:27:00.003-05:00

My world is SO BUSY right now. Each school year I make a vow to slow down, simplify and not spread myself so thin. Once again, though, I have broken my vow. I think I am busier than I have EVER been. So, I will update with bullet points.

Last Monday I, with the help of Nancy, started a walking/running club every morning before school starts. Our thought was to have the kids get up and moving in the mornings instead of sitting in the gym. We workout in the mornings and feel so much better in the mornings, so we thought the kids at school could benefit from some morning activity. I didn't know exactly how to start a program like this (I tend to get hung up on the little details), so I found a program that is already established. It is called Mighty Milers and is sponsored by New York Road Runners. Since our school has a high percentage of kids on free and reduced lunch, it is doesn't cost us anything. The kids are trying to walk/run enough to earn a marathon medal. Each time they run/walk 26.2 miles they earn a medal. They can earn up to 4 in a school year. We weren't sure what the response would be, but we have been pleasantly surprised! So far, we have had 175 kids come out to run/walk in the mornings and they have run about 400 miles combined! We have two kids who are already about half-way to their first medal! It is amazing to see 100+ kids running, walking and getting their minds and bodies ready for the day. So far, it has exceeded my expectations. The only down side to it is all the data I have to input each week. Last Friday I stayed at school until after 5:30 just to get their names in the data base. I could only do 100 before I ran out of space. I have had to request more space in the data base and will probably have to stay until 5:00 or so again tomorrow. Once I get everyone entered, though, it shouldn't take that long each week. At least that is what I am hoping!
Drew is almost finished with football season. This time of year is always so hard for me, but I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. Football takes up so much of his time, but I know he loves doing it. As long as he is happy I will do whatever I need to do. He does so much for me each day that I can atleast hold down the fort while he is off coaching and scouting.
This year I have a split conference period. That just adds to my already tight schedule. I only have 20-30 minutes of uninterrupted time and I just can't seem to get anything done. I also have crosswalk duty after school. It's only 10-15 minutes, but that's just one more thing to do. Oh well, it's a give and take. Give a little here, take a little there.
I am teaching a Boot Camp class after school on Tuesdays and Thursdays for our parents/staff and whoever else wants to join us. At first I was scared to do this. I am NOT a certifed trainer or expert by any means. I just know what works or has worked for me. I was very self-conscious about it at first, but I am starting to gain some confidence. The ladies who come to the class are hard working and will do anything I ask them to do. I know what they hate to do (froggers and pushups), but they will still do them if I ask them to! I really hope they are getting something out of it and I am enjoying working with them each week.
I have been doing a Beth Moore study at church on Wednesdays. Drew's mom is one of the facilitators. It has been challenging to do the homework each week, but it has so been worth it. I am learning a lot about myself and my relationship with God. We have 3 weeks to go and I am hoping to finish strong! Bryson has been attending the youth group on Wednesday nights and Drew helps with that. Jackson and Addison go to their classes, too, and seem to be enjoying them.
Jackson has made a profession of faith (He actually did it last Spring, but never wanted to go to the front of the church to make it public.) and will be baptized soon. I am proud of the sweet boy he is and look forward to watching him grow in his faith.
Addison is still her crazy self! I have so much fun talking with her and spending time with her. I just love her at 4 years old! She is funny, quirky, sweet, spunky, sensitive, tough, girly and tomboyish. She is the perfect little girl for me!
Drew got Addie and I tickets to Casa Manana this season so we have some planned "Ladies Days." I love getting to take her out to lunch and to see a show. She loves going and is just the happiest little thing while we are together. I hope we get to do this for many more years. I know I will cherish our time together.
Bryson is loving middle school and is doing great. He made the "A" honor roll for the first six weeks and seems to have adjusted well. I was worried about how he was going to do in a new school where he didn't know anyone, but he has done just fine.

So, as you can see we are busy, but busy with good things. I can't believe how fast the year is going. It will be summer before I know it. And just in case you were wondering, there are 211 days until Summer 2012!!!

I can feel God...

2011-10-23T17:08:00.003-05:00

The other day I was getting ready for work when Addie wandered into my room. She put her hand on my chest and said, "Mommy, I can feel your heart. I can also feel God in your heart." That was just the sweetest thing. My prayer is that God will shine through me in my daily life. I pray that not only will God be IN my heart (which I KNOW He is), but that I will allow Him to shine THROUGH my heart.

I am a quitter.

2011-10-15T11:18:00.004-05:00

Today I officially stopped doing Weight Watchers. I cancelled my subscription. I quit. I didn't quit because anything happened or was wrong, I quit because I am ready to continue my journey on my own. I learned a lot while doing Weight Watchers. Now I want to see if I can put what I learned into practice without the accountability of tracking my points daily. I have been slowly weaning myself off of it for the last couple of weeks, so the transition shouldn't be too difficult. I just hope I can maintain my weight loss. Time will tell. If I start to gain and feel like I need the extra accountability tracking my points brings, then I will rejoin. I am not too proud to admit that I may need a little extra help. Judge me if you want.

This journey has been challenging. I started off three years ago over 50 pounds heavier than I am right now. I lost a little on my own before I subscribed to Weight Watchers. I lost about 30 on the plan. The weight didn't come off quickly or easily, but hopefully it will stay off. I have taken myself to new heights physically~ higher than I ever had the desire to go! I have learned that my body can do some amazing things and that it is my job to treat it well. My journey is not over, it is just taking a little turn, hopefully for the better. I am excited about where I am and how far I have come. I hope to be an inspiration to others who are on the same journey and an encouragement to those how may need some motivation. So, long Weight Watchers, you have taught me well!

Remembering

2011-10-02T17:50:00.003-05:00

Seven years have passed since my mom's death. (I blogged about it here a few years ago. If you want to know how she died, you can read about it. I know I am always curious about how people die. Call me weird, but that's how I am.) I have thought about her every day since then. Every. Day. This year I decided to think about the good things about her and the good times we had. In the past I have thought about the things I missed about not having her here, about all the things she has missed experiencing with my kids and my family. This year I wanted things to be different~ happier. I know my mom is in a much better place than we are. I know this is not our home and my mom IS at her home. I know she is happy there and I know she is free of pain, discomfort and stress.

This year we are focusing on remembering her and telling the kids about her. Usually when they ask me questions about her, I get sad and start to cry. I don't want them to be afraid to talk to me about her and to ask questions about her for fear of me getting emotional. I want her memory to live on through me and through my kids. We decided to cook some of her favorite foods this year and to talk about some things she liked to do and would have liked to do with us and the kids. I admit that I shed some tears at dinner last night when Drew started talking about her, but they were happy tears, tears of rememberance. He talked about happy times and how she liked to have all the family around her that she could. She liked to be right smack in the middle of all the action! It was not out of character for her to drive 5 hours to Houston to attend a birthday party for one of my cousin's kids. She would drive up to Oklahoma City to dog sit her aunt and uncle's dog. She would drive to our house in Watauga after working all week just to see Bryson for a couple of hours. She would go out of her way for her family and friends. She was loved by many and showed her love through her actions.

Friday night we had egg and cheese sandwiches. She would make those for me and Jamie quite frequently for breakfast. She always put Miracle Whip on the bread. It gave it just the right amount of tang. It was yummy then and it is yummy now! You should try it! Yesterday we made a big breakfast. She would cook us a big breakfast on the weekends. She made the BEST hashbrowns! I made some yesterday, and I must say that they were pretty tasty! Today we made chocolate chip cookies. She just used the recipe on the package of chocolate chips, so I did the same. I haven't eaten one, yet, but I know they will remind me of when I was a little girl. I will have some milk with it, also, just like I used to. For dinner tonight, we made hamburger patties, rice and gravy. We threw in some mixed vegetables just so we wouldn't feel so bad about the gravy! My mom was known for cooking simple, yet tasty meals. She was also known for making meals that weren't the most healthy! That's probably the reason I battle my weight every day of my life! Thanks, Mom!

I miss my mom. I miss the way she kept everyone in the family informed about everyone else in the family. Sure she drove me crazy at times, but I would give anything to be driven crazy by her for just one more day. Since my mom has been gone, I have pretty much lost touch with most of her side of the family. My grandparents are the only ones who make an effort to see me (us) or have anything to do with me (us). I don't know why that is, but I do know this wouldn't have happened if my mom were still here. She was definitely the glue that held everyone together. I may never know why I have become an outcast, but I do know that my mom loved me and would not have let that happen if she were still here.

So, I will continue on with my little family and continue remembering her and the fun times we had together and the good food she made for us. I have learned that life is short and you cannot take one moment for granted. Tomorrow is not promised to us and every day we must try to be the best we can be. I know my mom was a Christian just like my sister was and I am. I have faith that I will see her one day and that all my questions will be answered. I do not know why things happen the way they do, but I do know that God's plan has purpose and that all things happen for a reason. I will continue to remember my mom and hope that her love for her grandkids will be passed on through me.

Needed: Personal Shopper

2011-09-25T17:29:00.002-05:00

Addie and I had a Ladies Day yesterday. I had high hopes of a successful shopping day. We went to eat lunch and then went shopping at a few stores. I had a few things in mind that I needed to get, then I just wanted to look around a bit. I discovered, though, that I must have shopping ADD or some other shopping ailment. I would pick something up, then get distracted by Addie hiding in the clothes or by someone that happened to walk by or by something that had fallen on the floor. Then, I would put up whatever I had in my hands. I couldn't even focus most of the time because of the noise, people or overwhelming amount of things in the store. Have stores always been so jam packed full of clothes???

I have wanted to make bows for Addie for a while now, but have just never done it. I thought it would be fun for us to go to Michael's and look at the ribbon. NOT! I didn't take into account that it is Homecoming season in Texas and it was a MAD HOUSE! I wandered aimlessly through the store and had to leave because I could literally feel my blood pressure rising and my sanity leaving me.

In total we went to 7 different stores. It was miserable. I REALLY wanted to buy a new outfit, but I don't even know where to start. Then, if I bought a new outfit I would need new shoes. Oh the horror! I couldn't focus or even think long enough to pick something out to try on. I went home feeling very defeated. I KNOW I need a few new things to wear, but I just don't know where or what or even how! It is all just overwhelming to me right now. So, I will keep wearing my same old clothes, some of which are too big and baggy. I used to love to shop, but not now. I don't know what has happened. I think I just need someone to take me by the hand, pick some things out for me to try on and tell me what looks good and what doesn't. Any takers?!?

Livestrong

2011-09-06T15:01:00.003-05:00

Now that school is back in session and I am seeing people I haven't seen in a few months, the questions are starting to be asked. "How have you lost weight?" "Do your really get up at 4am to exercise? Everyday?" "How can I lose weight quickly?" "What kind of exercises can I do?" "Is there a pill or vitamin I should be taking?"

Believe me, I have tried a lot of things to lose weight. I am still trying new things, because I am not quite there, yet. What I have discovered through all my trials and many errors, is that there is not a "magic bullet" or something that works for everyone. You have to find what works for YOU.

I have spent many, many hours at the gym trying to exercise the weight away. In short, it just doesn't work. The key is diet and exercise. When I say "diet" I don't mean a fad, quick or overly-restrictive diet. I mean paying attention (close attention) to what you are eating and trying to eat healthy most of the time. In all my years of fighting the "Battle of the Bulge" I have discovered (finally!) that it is about 75-80% what you put in your face and only about 20-25% hard, consistent exercise. I honestly thought I could exercise hard 5-6 days a week and eat anything I wanted. That only worked to a point. I would lose some, but plateau and the scale would never move. It wasn't until I started doing Weight Watchers consistently that the weight started to come off.

I didn't want Weight Watchers to work. I didn't want to have to change my diet. I wanted to be able to blame my weight on being "big boned" or "muscular" or "genetics." I didn't want to have to be accountable for what I fed my face. Exercise is the easy part of the equation. Eating right is the hard part.

I get weekly emails from livestrong.com and this week there is an interesting article about finding what works for you. I encourage you to read it and find the combination of diet and exercise that helps you be the healthiest you possible.

Daisy

2011-08-29T15:09:00.002-05:00

Drew brought home a new (to us) dog Saturday. Yes, he asked me first. Yes, I agreed to it. Yes, I will probably regret it.

One of the teachers at his school was looking to find a new home for her recently spade 18 month-old chocolate lab. She crated him all day and felt bad about that. The dogs' original name was "Chewy" and I'm afraid we will soon find out why. We threw some names around and decided on Daisy.

The kids were very excited to see her (Except for Bryson. He is afraid of big dogs. I don't know why. We have a big dog!). After the kids played with her for a little while, we introduced her to our dogs~ Jessie and Belle. Jessie is a black lab and Belle is a miniture pincher/dauschound mix. Jessie let Daisy know right away who is top dog in our back yard. Poor Belle tried to hide but ended up wet with slobber instead. It really was interesting to watch them relate and communicate with each other in their own dog way.

We went to PetSmart and got new tags made for all three dogs and bought new beds, new collars and a leash for Daisy. Daisy came to us with her crate, so that was one thing we didn't have to buy. Addie picked out a "baby" (stuffed dog with a squeaker) for Daisy, also. Our "free" dog is already expensive!

So, we spent the better part of two days getting adjusted to a new member in our family. Daisy will be an outside dog during the day just like our other two. We will crate her at night which is what we do with Belle and Jessie. Right now we have their crates in the house right by the back door, but only because it is so hot right now. We don't allow our dogs to run around the house. They shed too badly and we don't want to have any "accidents" to clean up!

I am going to try to take her running with me and Nancy on Saturday. I am planning on her being our new running buddy! I need to try to run some of her energy off! She really is a sweet dog and has been so good around the kids. I haven't heard her bark, yet, but I'm sure she can and will.

I am hopeful that Daisy will be a good dog and a positive addition to our family. (I hope I don't have to eat those words!) I will try to get a good picture of her soon.

Count Down

2011-08-21T19:00:00.001-05:00

School starts tomorrow! I know I like to post about how many days are left until summer, but I really do enjoy working and I am not wishing my life away. I just LOVE summertime! I love spending time with my kids and sleeping in a little later. I enjoy the freedom of summertime and the later nights. I enjoy spending time outside and in my favorite place. I enjoy being relaxed and not having to rush around in the evenings. So, I am looking forward to another school year (my 17th, if you want to know!), but I will still count down to Summer 2012! Only 277 more days! Have a great school year!

Fabulous Fours

2011-08-11T17:48:00.004-05:00

I'm going to try to type out a blog post before my computer decides to explode or fly away. For some reason the fan won't stop running and it sounds like it is about to take off, or explode. If you know why it is doing this, please feel free to let me know. Drew used the shop vac to clean the dust off some little filter thingy or something last night. It's in the big box thingy. As you can tell, I don't know a lot about computer thing(y)s! Don't judge. I don't have a lot of time to devote to computer/technology education. (I don't really care to, either!) :0) Anyway, on to my post.

Addison turned four about six weeks ago. I can say without a doubt, today, that I just LOVE her at four years old! She is so much fun. She is pleasant most of the time and loves to be around me. She often says, "When I'm a big mama, like you, I'm going to..." and then says whatever it is that I am doing at the moment. For example, "When I'm a big mama, like you, I'm going to wear those big brawl." "When I'm a big mama, like you, I'm going to shave all the pokes off my legs." "When I'm a big mama, like you, I'm going to marry daddy." You get the idea!

She has become my little side-kick. Partly because she and I are the only girls in the house and the boys don't want a girl in their rooms most of the time. When she is with me she rubs my arms, plays with my hair and always (no matter what I look like) tells me how beautiful she thinks I am. She loves to hold my hand and will lay her head on my shoulder and tell me how much she loves me. She is just the most precious thing to be around right now.

I am reminded, also, that she is watching EVERYTHING I do, so I have to make sure I am setting a good example for her. The other day she sat on the couch, put her feet up and said, "Boys, who is going to rub my feet?" I don't know where she learned that whenever you sit/lay on the couch you are supposed to have your feet rubbed. ;0)

One day she and I were playing on the floor with her dollhouse. She was the mom and I was the dad, of course. The dad said to the mom, "Honey, I'm home from work. What's for dinner tonight?" She, in her best mom voice said, "Well, I don't actually know how to cook." Yeah, that one hit me pretty hard! Maybe I will attempt to cook more this school year. Then again, that doesn't sound like fun.

I am really going to miss hanging out with her when we go back to work next week. She and I have had a great summer hanging out together.

(Oh, I love my boys, too, but they aren't around me as much as she is. Bryson will still kiss my cheek or forehead and tell me he loves me. (No lips for him. Yes, he is at that age!) Jackson will tell me he loves me, but he is a little more stingy with his affections. That just makes them that much more special when I get them, though.)

So, here's hoping that the rest of Addison's four year old year will be just as sweet!

Oh, and just so you know, I AM counting down to Summer 2012!!! Only 287 more days until Summer 2012!!!

Florida Vacation: Days 9 and 10

2011-08-09T09:00:00.002-05:00

There are no pictures of our last two days of vacation~ these were our traveling days. We left Florida at about 7:00 am and intended to drive to Mobile, AL to spend the night. Somewhere along the way, Drew and I decided to take a little detour so we could go by and see my dad in Houston. (I always wish I could be more spontaneous than I really am, so this was a good time to try it out!) We had to drive about 3 hours longer that day, but thought it would be worth it in the end. We considered calling my aunt in New Orleans to see if we could go by and see her and my cousins, but decided not to intrude on them. Then we thought Baton Rouge would be a good place to stop. Houston is about 4 hours from there and Fort Worth is about 4 hours from Houston, so the trip would have been cut in half nicely.

I got on my phone to try to find a hotel. I used priceline, which I had never used before. It was kind of fun! I found us a hotel in east Baton Rouge for about what we were going to pay in Mobile. We were going to stop in Gulfport to eat dinner, but Addison had fallen asleep and we didn't want to wake her up. If we kept driving (kind of fast) we could make it to Baton Rouge and eat a late dinner there. After dinner the kids would have time to swim before bed. That's is what we decided to do. Drew increased our speed, set the cruise control and on we went! We go to our hotel a little after 7:00.

There were several restaurants around, so we took our stuff to our room and went to look for a place to eat. We didn't, however, take into account that it was a Saturday night. There were people waiting outside for a table at EVERY restaruant we drove by. There was a Chili's right next to the hotel, but we really didn't want to eat there. I told Drew that we should just order Chili's to go and take it back to the room. He didn't want to do that, so we drove around a little bit more. EVERY place was packed and we didn't want drive through. Where did we end up? We ordered Chili's to go and took it back to the room. :0) The kids thought it was fun. We told them it was just like room service. They will never know the difference! We have told them Cabela's is the zoo before, too, because Drew hates going to the zoo! Hey, it doesn't stink and it's free!

We went down to the (quite small) pool and there were about 25-30 kids already swimming. We decided it was just too crowded to be safe and went back to the room. The kids weren't happy about that, but disappointments are part of life! They ended up falling asleep very quickly and slept until we woke them up early the next morning.

Sunday morning we left around 7:00 am and go to Houston shortly after 11:00. My dad fixed us hamburgers and we visited until 2:00. I would have liked to stay longer, but I said we would leave by 2:00 and we did. I was so ready to be home by this point. We still had about 4 hours of driving ahead of us.

We got home around 6:30. We had a little detour at a Dairy Queen for a dipped cone and Blizzards, so we were a little behind schedule. Once we got home I put on my workout clothes and headed to the gym. I couldn't stand it any longer. I haven't gone that long without working out since I gave birth to Addison and I was going CRAZY! Drew totally understands when I get like that and he just lets me go do what I need to do. When I got home he had everything unpacked and laundry started. Is he the best, or what?!

So, that was our vacation! We had a great time and I am so glad we decided to go. I can't wait to go back when the kids are a little older. Thanks for following along!

Florida Vacation: Day 8

2011-08-08T09:00:00.001-05:00

Day 8 found us back at Magic Kingdom. We thought we would go back for a few hours to do some of the things we had missed. We split up from David and Kelly and said we would meet up later.

Last day~ still smiling!

Anxiously waiting for the gates to open!

A trip to Magic Kingdom isn't complete without a ride on the Jungle Cruise! I know this is a cheesy ride, but it ended up being one of Addison's favorites! I am glad we took the time to go on it.

Swiss Family Robinson Treehouse. We almost passed this up, but thought it would be fun for the kids to walk through it. They were less than impressed. I remember climbing those stairs with my sister when we were kids and we thought it was fun then. I guess kids aren't as imaginative these days! I enjoyed it, though!

Yes, she had her tiara on, again! She was squeezing out all the princess time she could get!

Can't you just read Jackson's mind? "Alright mom, enough with the pictures! Cheese."

We COULD NOT leave without seeing the Country Bear Jamborie! Yes, it is the same as it was when the park opened 40 years ago. Yes, it is just as cheesy now as it was then. Addison thought it was funny and laughed through the entire show. I'm not sure she knew what she was laughing at, but she had a good time! We met back up with David and Kelly at this point.

Of course, we had to circle the park on the Disney Railroad. It was good to be able to sit down and relax a little bit. It was HOT that morning. The weather had been pretty mild until the day before this. We were very fortunate in that regard.

Drew and I on the railroad. Yes, I have a shirt on. Jackson took the picture, so it's just a weird angle!

Standing at the door of Cinderella's Castle. You can tell by the looks on Bryson's and Addison's faces that they had had enough.

One last view of the castle before we left.

They were hungry for lunch at this point and Addison was tired of me taking pictures! Again, they will thank me one day!

Me and my prince at Magic Kingdom. We had a magical time!

We went to lunch at Planet Hollywood at Downtown Disney. Drew was a little quiet at lunch because of the prices! He doesn't spend money freely! :0) I think that is an understatement! He got over it, though, and we moved on. We stopped to take a couple of pictures by the fountain before walking around. We let the kids put their hands in it, but had to stop that because Addison came pretty close to falling in. She's not the most graceful little girl!

She may not be graceful, but she sure is cute!

After a VERY hot walk to the Lego store and a quick look around we decided to go back to the house for one last swim. Drew and I swam with the kids for a couple of hours and David and Kelly joined us a little later. We ordered pizza that night and went to bed early so we could be ready for a long drive the next morning. I hated thinking of leaving, but I was ready to get home.

Florida Vacation: Day 7

2011-08-07T09:00:00.000-05:00

The first ride we went on at Hollywood Studios was the Tower of Terror. Jackson, David, Drew and I were the only ones who wanted to ride. Jackson was scared, but he said he would do it. After it was over I bought him a Tower of Terror pin so he could show it off! He was pretty proud of it. Then they wanted to ride the Rock N Rollercoaster. I kept Addie, Jarrett and Bryson with me. I wanted to ride, so we got a child swap ticket so I could ride later with two other people. Meanwhile, we went to get FastPasses for Toy Story Mania and saw Chip and Dale on our way back.

We got back to the exit of the Rock N Rollercoaster just as the rest of our group was finishing. I wanted to go so Kelly and Drew went with me. It was so much fun! I would have ridden it again, but the line was really long at this point.

I wanted to make sure Addie saw the Beauty and the Beast show, so I sat by the entrance while the rest of them checked out some other things. I sat there for about 1 1/2 hours before they started letting people in to sit down. I didn't mind because I wanted us to have a good seat. She LOVES Belle and I wanted her to see her. We go in and sat on the fourth row right in the middle. The seats were PERFECT! We waited about 30 more minutes and the show started. During the opening song Belle's microphone went out. She finished the song then an announcement was made that the show was being cancelled due to technical difficulties. WHAT?!? I waited in the heat for 1 1/2 hours to get those seats and they cancelled the show. Addie immediately started crying. I felt so sorry for her. She was so excited to see Belle and to see her so close up. I was determined to bring her back if that was the only thing I did that day.

We went to lunch and David and Kelly went to do things with their boys and we went our way. We ended up back at the Beauty and the Beast show right before the next show started. Of course the only seats that were left were in the sun, but we decided to stay. Drew and the boys went and stood in the shade, but Addie and I stayed in the sun seats. Let me just say that she did not complain one time about the heat. She kept her eyes glued on that stage. She didn't want to miss one second of seeing Belle. I was so proud of the way she acted. She was such a trooper.

Mrs. Potts, Chip, Beast and Lumiere. The costumes were amazing!

Our favorite part!

Ready for the Toy Story Mania ride! Peace!

Honey I shrunk the kids playground. I wishe we could have stayed here longer, but it looked like it was about to start pouring down rain. We went to the Backlot Tour and it was pretty disappointing. I guess everything can't be great.

Before we left Hollywood Studios, we saw a couple more shows and ate some ice cream and chocolate covered bananas. It was a fun, but exhausting day.

The next day we planned to go back to Magic Kingdom for a few hours. More on that tomorrow!

Florida Vacation: Day 6

2011-08-06T09:00:00.000-05:00

Day 6 we went to Cocoa Beach in the morning and stayed several hours. I didn't take many pictures because I didn't want to get more sand in my camera. I got quite a bit in it when we were at Daytona Beach. I built another sand castle this time with the help of David and Drew. It only took about 45 minutes instead of almost two hours. A couple of people came by and took pictures of our sand castle, so I think we did a pretty good job!

David rented a surf board and some of us tried (in vain) to surf. Jonathan, Bryson and I did manage to "surf" on our knees. It is WAY harder than it looks. I gave up after a little while. Bryson gave up after he ran into a lady! In his defense, you can't really steer a surf board and she walked right into his path.

After the beach, we went back to the house, got cleaned up and headed back to Magic Kingdom for the Electrical Parade and fireworks show.

A pink Cinderella's castle~ so magical!

Drew and the castle.

We waited in this spot for about 2 hours. We waited for and watched the parade and the fireworks right here. It rained/sprinkled on us a little bit, but nothing too heavy. Drew did put the umbrella a couple of times, but it wasn't too bad. We were so tired by this point, but we stayed around to ride some rides and left the park when it closed at midnight.

Me and my little princess. She got her tiara on Monday when she went to the Bippity Boppity Boutique and she wore it every day afterward. Sometimes she would get tired of wearing it and she would hand it to me to "share," but she wore it most of the time. All the park workers refer to the little girls wearing tiaras or crowns as "princess," so I know that is why she like to wear it!

Drew on the "Spinner go round!"

We were exhausted after a day at the beach then a few more hours at the park, but we had plans to be up early to go to Hollywood Studios. More on that tomorrow!

Florida Vacation: Day 5

2011-08-05T09:00:00.000-05:00

Day 5 found us at Epcot. Since the boys weren't really into the bigger rollercoasters and rides at Magic Kingdom, I thought they would like Epcot.

Our first ride was Test Track. We didn't have to wait in line since we got there right after they opened. Addison rode with us since she was tall enough. I told her it was just like riding in a car. She seemed okay with it until the ride was over. Let me just say that she WAS NOT a fan. She cried and kept saying that she didn't like it. At least she wasn't screaming throughout the entire ride. She saved the crying until we were getting off! Some of them wanted to ride again, so Drew and Bryson took Addison to meet TinkerBell.

Here is Addie waiting in line to meet TinkerBell.

And here she is! TinkerBell was just the tiniest, cutest little thing. Bryson is 5'1" and she is just about his height. I know Bryson thought she was really cute, too!

I took Jarrett and Addie to meet some characters while everyone else went on Mission Space. We met Mickey, Minnie, Donald, Pluto and Goofy. After they rode Mission Space I went back with Jackson and Kelly and rode with them. We rode the green version since I am a wimp. It still made me feel yucky. Drew, David, Bryson and Jackson rode the orange version. Drew wasn't right the rest of the day. He had a little motion sickness going on. Yuck!

After lunch we tried to meet some of the princesses. Here are the kids with Snow White.

Jasmine and Alladin. Addie wouldn't stand by or talk to Alladin "because he is a boy." We'll see if she still feels the same way about boys in 10 years! I hope so!

Belle~ Addie's favorite! The princesses were so sweet and talked quite a bit to the kids. Bryson liked them because they are pretty. Jackson didn't really want to meet them, so he stayed out of most of the pictures. We also met Mulan, but I didn't include the picture for some reason.

We went inside for a little whie to the Innoventions area. The kids played some video games while I tested my balance on a Segway. It was interesting.

We played a saving money game. Addie didn't save too much! She cried when we had to give the piggy bank back. I think she was getting tired at this point. We didn't stay too much longer.

We HAD to see the Nemo ride before we left. It was really cute and Addie liked riding in a "clammobile." I took this picture before Jackson reminded me that I couldn't take pictures with a flash. Oops! I guess I wasn't paying attention during that part!

Drew's face cracks me up. He doesn't usually play around like this, so I had to include this picture. He is a pretty serious guy.

Our last stop was at one of the gift shops. Drew is buying a magnet every time we visit some place new. See? Isn't he fun! (Just kidding, Sweetie! You know I love you and all your little quirks!)

Florida Vacation: Day 4

2011-08-04T09:00:00.001-05:00

Oh, I don't even know where to begin. This post is filled with pictures, but this is only a fraction of the ones I took that day. Our day began with a tram ride then a monorail ride to the entrance at Magic Kingdom. We got there in time to see the end of the morning welcome show.

Our first stop was to meet Daisy. The kids got her autograph and had their picture taken with her. Kelly was generous enough to buy the kids lanyards, pins to trade, autograph books and a pen. My kids would have done without all of these things if it weren't for their nice Aunt Kelly!

Of course, we had to take a picture of Cinderella's castle. Addie has been waiting to see it since we pulled out of our driveway! She was SO excited!

Our trip would not have been complete without a picture with Mr. Disney himself.

I am a long-time Disney fan, so I had to get my picture taken, too!

Then we were off to ride some rides! Our first ride stop was Space Mountain. Everyone rode except for Jarrett and Addison. It brought back great memories of when I rode it almost 20 years ago. Jonathan and Bryson weren't fans. They said they wouldn't get on it again!

After Space Mountain, we rode the BuzzLightyear ride, the Stitch ride (It was horrible. I should have heeded the warning from the book I borrowed from a friend.) We rode the race cars, also. The kids thought those were fun. I remember riding that ride when I was a kid and my grandmother brought my sister, Jamie, and I.

Riding the race cars!

Next we went to FantasyLand so Addison could ride the tea cups. She talked about this ride all morning, so she was thrilled when she finally got to ride! Drew and I rode with her and didn't spin too fast.

Who could resist a picture with the Beast? Not Addison!

Here she is waiting in line to ride Dumbo. My kids have never watched Dumbo, but she loved the ride. We waited over 30 minutes for 60 seconds in the air with Dumbo. Who is the Dumbo???

At some point, we ate lunch and went on some more rides. We rode Snow White's Scary Adventures. Addison said it was scary, but she really doesn't like the witch in Snow White and she showed up a lot in the ride.

I'm not sure what ride we were waiting for here.

Another group picture!

This is in line for It's a Small World. Addison really liked this ride. I liked the fact that it was air conditioned! It also brought back memories from years ago.

After a while the boys and girls parted ways. The boys had an appointment to become pirates and Addison had an appointment to be dressed up as Cinderella! Thanks, again, Aunt Kelly!

While we waited for Addison's appointment time we went on the carousel or as Addie called it the "spinner go round."

Of course, we went into some shops. Kelly bought Addison a light-up crown in this one. Can you just see the happiness on her face?

Then it was time for her appointment. They were running a little behind, so we got to sit and see many little girls get dressed up as their favorite princess. We got to enjoy some air conditioning, too!

Aunt Kelly and Addie waiting for her appointment. While we waited, Addison got to choose what hair style she wanted. I tried to talk her into the Pop Princess, but she wanted the one that looked like a little bun. I know she only wanted it because it came with a little tiara!

Here she is after getting her hair, nails and make-up done. The "Fairy Godmother in Training" did a great job with her. Addison even spoke to her a couple of times. Addison is pretty shy and doesn't speak to many people, especially people she doesn't know.

Here is the little princess all made up getting her picture taken. What you can't see in this picture is that she had her tennis shoes on! She reminded me of Runaway Bride! We had some great girl time thanks to Aunt Kelly!

Then it was time to meet the boys/pirates!

Here is Jackson aka Enrique Swordcutter. They were given a pirate name, a sword and pirate make-up. Doesn't he look awesome?!

Bryson aka Thomas Cannonshot! I could do without the bubba teeth, though! When Addison first saw him she said, "Uh, oh, you're going to have to go to the orthodontist!" She's so funny! Next we caught part of a parade (We were on our way back from the restroom, so I didn't have my camera!) and decided to ride Thunder Mountain. David, Drew, Bryson, Jackson and I rode. Nobody else want to. Again, brought back memories!

Here are the boys after the ride. Bryson and Jackson said they didn't like it, but they were having a bad attitude by this point. They were hot and tired. Our day was coming to an end and they weren't too happy when I said I wanted another picture! Again, they will thank me one day!

Me and Drew after Thunder Mountain. Our last stop for the day was the Hall of Presidents. Addie mistakenly thought I said Hall of Princesses, so she was pretty disappointed! She ended up falling asleep. I almost did, too.

We went back to the house and the kids swam while we got dinner ready. The pool was great entertainment as was the game room with pool table, fooseball, air hockey and video games. The house was a great place to spend the week!

My boys ended the day sleeping in the same bed. I just love it when they are sweet to each other.

That was our first day at Disney World. The next day we went to Epcot. More on that tomorrow!

Florida Vacation: Day 3

2011-08-03T09:00:00.003-05:00

Day 3 found us at Daytona Beach. After the kids got over their fear of sharks they had a great time playing in the water. David had bought two boogie boards the night before, so the kids (and adults) got to try those out. That was so much fun! I caught some good waves several times and only had one "wardrobe malfunction!" After that, I handed the board off to the kids and went to work on a sand castle. It took me FOREVER (or a couple of hours) to build a smallish one. That's hard work! Of course, the tide came in shortly after I took pictures and washed all my hard work away. Such is the life of a beach bum!

The kids thought this was stupid, but they will thank me for all the pictures I took one day. Right now they are just tolerating me.

There's not a whole lot to say about our trip to the beach. We played in the water and sand, ate lunch and cleaned up to leave. Our next stop was the house we rented for the week. More to come tomorrow!

Florida Vacation: Days 1 and 2

2011-08-02T13:16:00.006-05:00

I am a little overwhelmed with the number of pictures I have from our trip and with the desire to document everything we did and saw. I think the best way to do it is to take a day at a time and post pictures and events of each day. I may combine a couple of the less eventful days. I will also post most of my pictures on FaceBook.

We started our trip at 4:00 am. Our goal was to reach Mobile, AL by dinner time factoring in several stops along the way. I didn't know how my kids would do with such a long car trip. The longest they have ever been in a car is about 5 hours going to Houston and to Oklahoma. Needless to say, I was a little worried. They were so amped up to go that it took them over an hour to settle down and fall asleep. Shortly after that we stopped to go to the restroom and grab something for breakfast. That was just one of the MANY stops we made that day! I wanted to stop at each state line for a picture. We made everyone except for Alabama. The Alabama sign was right near a bridge and it wasn't safe to stop. I said I would get it on the way back, but we never did.

Here are the kids crossing into Louisiana. My kids are really into states and maps, so this was fun for them to stop. Bryson and Jonathan thought it was fun to stand in two states at the same time. I have a picture of that, but I am trying to limit the number of pictures I include in these posts. I have over 500! You're welcome! :0)

Here they are in Mississippi. We stopped at the visitor's center for a little while to let them walk around a little bit and use the restroom (again!) Do you know how hard it is to synchronize 9 bladders? Not an easy task!

Of course, they had to sit on the big cannon. Addie didn't like it and let us know all about it! Drew, David and I stopped at a casino right down the road. I have never gambled, so I wanted to give it a go. Kelly stayed in the car with the kids. Jarrett thought we were going in to vote! It took me all of three minutes to lose my $15 at the slot machine. (We had given ourselves a limit of $5, but that only lasted about 60 seconds. I pulled a $10 out of my wallet and that was gone real quick, too!) Drew and David were playing Black Jack when I found them. David quickly lost his $5 and an additional $20 shortly after. Drew walked away with $25. He knows when to stop. I don't. I guess that's why I don't gamble!

We stopped in Richland, MS to eat lunch. We had packed a lunch and found a city park to stop at. The kids had fun playing and running off some energy and we were glad to be out of the car for a little bit.

We finally made it to Mobile, AL in time to get cleaned up for dinner. We ate at the Mellow Mushroom. They have the BEST pizza crust I have ever eaten. I didn't know that there is one right down the road by TCU. I KNOW we will be visiting that one real soon! The next morning we got up and headed to Pensacola, FL. We had plans to stop at the Naval Aviation Museum before moving on.

This is at the Florida Visitors Center. Florida has the nicest visitors center and rest stops out of all the states we drove through. We stayed there for about an hour. The kids enjoyed looking at the brochures and drinking the fresh squeezed orange and grapefruit juice.

I know I posted this on FaceBook, but I want to document it for my blog. I was at a vending machine buying something to drink and Addie was with me. (She really didn't leave my side the entire trip.) Evidently she didn't see me put my money in and we don't really use vending machines very often. I asked her if she wanted something. She put her hands up to her mouth, leaned into the machine and said to the machine, "I want a Gatorade." It was the cutest most innocent thing I had seen in a while. After I laughed, of course, I showed her how to put the money in, make her selection and get her Gatorade out of the machine. She thought it was pretty cool!

Fresh squeezed orange juice from Florida! Notice that Cinderella is with us!

Here we are in Florida! Our next stop was the Naval Avaition Museum. If you are ever in Pensacola, I highly recommend it. It is HUGE and filled from floor to ceiling with all kinds of air crafts. We spent a couple of hours looking around and didn't see but a fraction of the place.

Here are Drew and David after taking a ride in the flight simulator. I wasn't "man" enough to try it. I don't like tight, dark, moving spaces. Jackson and Jarrett did it, too, but my picture of them turned out blurry. I am still learning how to use my new camera.

Some where along the way that day we decided to drive to Jacksonville and Neptune Beach. Our original plan was to drive into Orlando, spend Saturday night there, go to Cocoa Beach on Sunday and check into the house we rented Sunday after 4:00. We decided to go through Jacksonville and on to Daytona Beach instead. We spent Sunday at Daytona beach and drove to the house Sunday afternoon. I was so glad we did that! The kids had a blast at Daytona Beach!

Here we are at Neptune Beach. We got there right at sunset and only had time to walk in the sand and take some pictures. The boys got to see the church their dad pastored back in the early 80's, also.

Addie and me on Neptune Beach. I will have pictures of Daytona Beach and some more details of our trip on the next post. Stay tuned!

Thoughts of the Random Kind

2011-07-18T19:56:00.002-05:00

We are four weeks away from going back to work and I want time to slow down! There are days when I want to send my kids somewhere just so they can get away from each other (and me!), but most days are fine. The lack of routine is always tough for me, but I have remedied that by having a morning workout routine and schedule each day. I just do a lot better when I have a schedule.

Today I had grand plans to reorganize my closet, but I came home from the gym with a headache I just couldn't shake. I spent a few hours in bed this afternoon, but I could never fall asleep. I finally got up and took some Advil and ate dinner. I think it is finally gone. We went and got snowcones, too, so I'm sure that helped as well! :0)

I have been feeling a little self-conscious about my last post, but I am not going to delete it. I have had friends text, message and talk to me about what I said and, evidently, I'm not the only one who has issues. (No, I really didn't think I was the only one. It just feels that way sometimes.) Each day is a struggle to change my train of thought, but I am working on it.

We are getting ready to go to Florida. The kids are really looking forward to it. I am too, but I am just anxious about the drive. Once we are there I will be fine until we have to drive back! I am determined to have a good time, though, and make it a memorable experience for my kids. Yes, happy memories! :0)

I got a new camera at the beginning of summer and haven't taken very many pictures. This was not my intention, it just happened. I plan on taking a lot when we are on vacation, so prepare yourselves for a long picture post before we go back to school.

I really wish I had something to blog about each day, but the truth is we are just boring! I finally have the time to blog and have nothing to blog about! On that note, I am going to stop right here and go sit my happy butt back on the couch! See? Pretty boring!

One Year and Some (Random) Thoughts

2011-07-10T15:23:00.004-05:00

WARNING: This entire blog post is about weight loss, body image and dieting.

I have been struggling with some issues lately. If you don't want to read about these, stop reading and go do something else. If you are going to criticize me or critique every little word, misspelling or incorrect grammer don't waste your time. I am going to get my thoughts out without fear of how this is going to sound to someone who doesn't truly know me. I am going to be honest and transparent and if you don't like it, I am not going to worry about it. Love me or leave me. If that means I lose another friend on FaceBook, then so be it. If it means you stop reading my blog, that's fine too. (If you do know me in real life, you know I am NEVER this blunt. I guess I am just feeling "ballsy" right now!) These thoughts are going to be random and scattered, but that's how I am. Again, if you don't want to read and support me, move on.

I have been doing Weight Watchers for one year. I started off wanting to lose 20 pounds because I had registered to run a half marathon. I wanted to make the running as easy as possible and I knew that losing weight would help. I have blogged about this before, so I won't go into it too deeply.

After I lost 20, I lowered my goal weight 5 pounds, met that goal and lowered it 5 more pounds. I have never been able to reach the final goal of 30 pounds lost. I really thought I would have reached it by now. Unfortunately, I get in my own way sometimes and this is one of those times. I don't know if I am afraid of what comes next after I reach my goal, or if my goal is unrealistic. I have come within 3 pounds of my goal, but just can't get there. In the past 3 months I have stayed within a 3-5 pound range of my goal. Am I at my healthy weight? Is my body saying it's had enough? Does the "number" really matter? Why is that particular number so important? These are the questions that are floating around in my head right now and they are cluttering up my brain.

This morning I decided to increase my goal weight to 25 pounds lost and begin maintenance mode. This will give me some freedom to enjoy the rest of the summer and hopefully stop my obsession with the "number" on the scale. I know reaching the "number" will not make me a better person. I know it will not complete my life. I know Drew won't love me more if I get there. I KNOW these things, so why has it become so important? It's not important, so I need to stop the maddness right now. I KNOW what is important in life~ Drew, my kids, my family, God and my personal relationship with Him, my job, my friends. The "number" is not. I have spent SO MUCH time obsessing and focussing on it that I was beginning to lose sight of the really important things. This is my attempt to stop.

I have changed so much in the past year. I KNOW this, but sometimes I need little reminders. In the past few weeks I have had several people comment on my changing body. Compliments are nice to hear, but, frankly, they make me a little uncomfortable. I just never know what to say in return (yes, I do say "Thank you") and I just try to change the subject as quickly as possible. Saturday morning after taking a kickboxing class, a lady, who I have seen may times at the gym, stopped me in the parking lot and said I looked amazing. Really? I told her thank you and started to turn toward my car. She then asked how I have done it. I began to tell her that I have been doing several things, but I think that eating better is the key to it all. I told her I began Weight Watchers, trained for and ran a half-marathon, use the Nike Training Club app on my iPhone, and take several classes each week during the summer at the gym. This is the same thing I tell anyone who asks. She and I talked for about 10 minutes. Then I got in my car and the first thing I noticed was how big my legs looked while sitting in my car. Seriously? Why am I so hard on myself? Why can't I just be satisfied with how God made my body? Why do I immediately see my flaws while other people can see past that?

This morning I woke up and immediately starting thinking about the "number" and if I would ever reach it. That is when I decided to increase my goal weight and try to get over this obsession. I told Drew my plan and (I think) he agrees. He will support me no matter what, but I know his brain starts to hurt when I start talking to him about the "number." Yes, I have talked about it A LOT over the past year.

So, as of today, I am happy to report that I have reached my (new) goal weight! Does this matter to anyone but me? Nope. Will anybody even know what that number is? Not unless they ask. I have been pretty honest with people who have been gutsy enough to ask how much I weigh. I know it's not a question you would normally ask someone, but if I can help someone deal with their weight issues I will. I am glad some people feel comfortable around me to ask such personal questions. If you know me in real life, you know that I am an open book~ too open sometimes! I'm sure most people would still think I need to get my number down a little bit, but I have to consider my body type and make-up. I need to consider my muscle to fat ratio. I have been lifting weights a lot over the last 6 months, so I know that is going to make my body weigh more. I cannot change my body type, I can just work with what I have been given.

I am hopeful that my journey will encourage or inspire other people. I would love to be able to help someone become healthier or more fit. I would love to be an encouraging voice to someone who is struggling with the same issues I face and have faced in the past. I have told Drew (and one friend) that if I am this same size in a year, I will consider myself successful. I don't want to have to do this over again. I am going to focus on maintaining my current weight and toning my muscles as much as I can. I am going to focus on being healthy physically as well as spiritually. I am going to enjoy everything that God has blessed me with and the people who are in my life. Right now I am in a good place.

Checking In

2011-07-06T18:11:00.002-05:00

I really had good intentions of keeping my blog updated this summer, but I haven't! We are just enjoying our summer. Every day we wake up and go to the gym for a couple of hours. I am taking 1 or 2 classes every day and I am really enjoying that. The kids like to go to the kids' club, so it works out well. When we get home I take a shower, make lunch and then Drew makes it home from summer school. By the time we eat and get cleaned up it is 1:00 or after. Sometimes we go swimming at our neighborhood pool and usually one day a week we go to the water park right after I am finished at the gym. We are leading a very simple life and I like it like that!

Last weekend (Actually, we left on Thursday) we went back up to Oklahoma. We had a good time fishing, playing and fishing in the creek and riding the four-wheelers. We were only there 3 full days, so we didn't have a lot of time to just sit around and relax. We were busy most of the day every day. Drew caught a bass out of the pond that was HUGE! He estimated that it weighed 9-10 pounds! I caught several, also, just not as big as his. He does have photographic evidence of his fish, so I believe him! While fishing at the pond we watched a couple of beavers working away. It was really fun to watch them take lily pads and sticks back to their den. Is a beaver's home called a den? I can't remember and I'm not going to google it! We spent some time fishing at the creek, too. The fish at the creek are much smaller (perch, mostly), but we catch so many there that it keeps it exciting. Riding the four-wheelers is always fun, but it really stinks to get a face full of spider webs if you are riding in the front! So, we have to choose~ do we want to ride in the front and get all the webs or ride in the back and get covered with dirt! Personally, I choose the dirt over the webs!

Now that we are home, we are back to our simple life. Pily and her roommate, Nicole, are living with us this week until their apartment is ready. They are witnesses to how boring we truly are!

So, nothing exciting going on around here. We are two weeks from our Florida vacation, so we are looking forward to that. What I'm not liking, however, is how quickly summer is going by. Before you know it I will be counting down to Summer 2012!

Brothers

2011-06-21T16:23:00.002-05:00

Bryson was four years-old when Jackson was born. He was so excited to be a big brother. From the beginning he has always looked out for Jackson and been his best friend. Bryson taught Jackson how to play. When Bryson started school he would try to teach Jackson his letters and how to add and subtract. They are always around each other. In fact, Jackson will tell us that he doesn't know what to do when Bryson isn't around. They have separate bedrooms, but they choose to sleep in the same room. Usually, they sleep in the same (twin) bed. They are inseparatable.

Bryson is at church camp this week and Jackson has been feeling his absence. To lessen the pain I took Jackson to the water park by himself yesterday. We had a good time talking and playing, but Jackson kept saying, "If Bryson was here we would do_________."

Bryson is getting to the age where he may not want to spend as much time with his little brother. They are, after all, four years apart and Bryson will be starting middle school this year. Jackson and Bryson have always gotten along most of the time. I usually say they get along 95% of the time and argue 5% of the time. This is starting to change. Lately, they have been arguing more and more. Jackson is starting to stand up for himself when Bryson gets bossy and Bryson is starting to want to spend more time alone in his room. They will be in different schools next year, so they won't see each other as much after school. This breaks my heart a little, but I know it will happen.

Last night Jackson wanted Addie to sleep with him, but I knew that wouldn't work. The girl rarely stops moving even in her sleep. Neither one of them would have gotten any sleep. Addie ended up falling asleep on the couch and Jackson asked if he could lay down with me for a little while. Drew was at the airport picking Pily up, so I said why not. When we lay down he grabbed my and and held it. He said, "Bryson usually holds my hand when I am trying to go to sleep." That was about the sweetest thing I had ever heard. Bryson, who is starting to distance himself from Jackson, still holds his hand when they are going to sleep.

My prayer for these two special brothers is that they will always remain close even when life starts to pull them apart. Bryson is all Jackson has ever known since the day he was born. Bryson has taken care of him and taught him so many things (not all good, I must add!). I can see that brothers must have a special bond to each other. I love those two boys with all my heart (even when they are on my last nerve) and pray that they will always be able to depend on each other.

The other day at lunch they were talking about being roommates one day. Bryson said he would wait for Jackson to finish high school before they went to college together. I quickly nixed that idea, but told them they could still be roommates when Jackson got out of high school and Bryson was finishing up college. They went on to say that Jackson and his wife could stay in one room and Bryson and his wife could stay in the other! They may or may not end up as roommates or have a "Simmons' Brother Compound" one day, but I pray they will remain close and always be best friends.

Happenings

2011-06-15T13:02:00.003-05:00

I got a new camera a few weeks ago and I am trying to learn how to work it. The manual is on a disc and I don't like that. I want to be able to hold a manual in my hand and my camera in the other. I want to be able to flip to what I am looking for easily instead of searching for it on the computer. I am just old school, I guess, and I am okay with that! :0) I wanted to include some pictures I have taken with my camera this past week, but for some reason they won't upload. I will figure it out. Until then, I will just update with bullet points.

Addison is back in gymnastics. She goes on Wednesdays. Last week she was pretty timid, but I am hopeful that she will warm up to it. The teacher she has for this class seems to get easily frustrated with the kids. News flash: 3 and 4 year olds can be frustrating! If you can't deal with it, you shouldn't be working with them! I am going to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she was just having a bad day. If she is still just as cranky this evening as she was last Wednesday I will look at putting Addison in a different class with a different teacher. I have some pictures of Addison in action, but I can't get them to upload.

Jackson started baseball about a week ago. He has two practices a week and one game a week. At his game on Saturday he had two good hits and got someone out at first base. He as been looking forward to "playing outs" since last year and at this stage he gets to. This makes him happy!

Drew has been working with both boys on their batting, throwing and catching skills. They have gone to the park a few times already this summer to do that. I went with them last night and had a lot of fun. I LOVE to hit, also.

Drew and I had a date day yesterday. Pily watched the kids for us. We just went out to lunch and then to the mall. I can't believe Drew stepped foot inside of a mall, but it was his idea. I wanted to try on some shorts at Old Navy. I need some new ones and saw some online that I wanted to try on. Well, Old Navy was almost out of shorts. I WILL NOT wear shorts with a 2" inseam, so we had to look elsewhere. We wandered around a little bit and I began to wonder if I was looking for something that didn't exist. I wanted some that were about mid-thigh. I didn't want bermuda shorts (I already have a couple of those), but I didn't want any booty shorts either. Finally, we found some at Macy's. I tried them on and discovered that the size I have been getting was too big. I was able to go down a size! I thought it was just a fluke with that particular brand, so I tried on a few more and they fit in the smaller size, also. I was a little in shock because when I look in the mirror I don't see someone who I would think fits that size. Drew always jokes that I have Body Dismorphic Disorder, but I don't. I don't know why, but I still see the same me. Anyway, whatever, I will take the smaller shorts and not question it!

Speaking of bodies, Pily and I have been meeting Nancy at the gym every morning. We have been taking some classes and doing some of our usual stuff. The change of pace has been nice. We don't have to be there until 8 or 9 o'clock, and that is A LOT better than 4am! We have been working out 2 hours a day and I think I can already tell a difference in my strength and definition. I haven't really lost any weight, but maybe things are changing that can't be measured on a scale.

Still speaking of bodies, I have ALMOST reached my weight loss goal. I am about 2-3 pounds away from -30 pounds. When I started this journey last summer, I really didn't think I would make it. I originally wanted to lost 20 pounds so I wouldn't weigh as much when we ran the half-marathon in December. I only lost about 15 before the race. I decided to just keep going and see if I could lose the last 5. I did and dropped my goal 5 more. When I reached that goal, I dropped it 5 more to my current goal. I won't drop it anymore. I feel like I am at a good place and will be able to maintain. I would like to drop the final 2-3 pounds just for my own satisfaction. If I don't, I will always feel like I have business that is left undone. Hopefully, by the end of the summer I will have finished that up and can work on maintenance. Slow and steady is the way I have always looked at it, so I am not in a hurry. I have gone down 3 dress sizes in a year! Woo Hoo!

We have spent a lot of time outside already this summer either at the pool or at the water park. Today I have decided to just stay inside. I don't really know why this is worth mentioning, but I just did!

We are looking forward to our vacation in 5 weeks. We are going to Disney World! We are going with Drew's older brother and his family. I can't wait to go and hope we have as much fun as I imagine we will. I haven't been since I was 19, so I am looking forward to seeing the changes. This will actually be my third time to go. I went once as a kid, once as a young adult and this time I will go as a parent. I can't wait to see how my kids react to "The Happiest Place on Earth."

Addison's birthday is in a little over two weeks. I can hardly believe that she is going to be 4. These last four years have flown by. She is really coming into her own and I love to see her personality blossom. She is such a sweet and funny little girl, but can be head-strong and moody, also. Most of the time she is sweet and funny, though, so I can handle the times her moodiness comes out. I am so glad we added a little girl to our family four years ago. Life wouldn't be the same without her.

That's about all that is going on right now. I will work on getting some pictures up. I know my dad likes to see pictures of the kids.

Our Weekend in Pictures and Words

2011-06-06T17:45:00.005-05:00

Sunday morning Drew, Pily and I set our alarms for 5:30 so we could go fishing. Crazy, I know! Apparently, the best fishing is in the early morning hours. We fished for a couple of hours (and caught several fish) and started heading back. That's when Drew saw the snake pictured above. He had the novel idea of trying to hook it with his lure. After three attempts, he hooked it near its tail. What he didn't consider, though, was what he would do with it AFTER he hooked it. We had no stick or oar to hit it with and no other way to kill it. After he reeled it in (a little too close for my liking) he tried to hit its head with the end of his fishing pole. (Sorry, animal lovers, but its a snake and I don't like snakes!) He stunned it a bit by hitting it with the pole then he body slammed it against the water. That slowed him (or her) down enough so he could grab its neck with some foreceps. There was much screaming and laughter going on during all of this and Jackson caught most of it on video. I forgot to mention that Jackson was our camera guy for our fishing outing and he did a mighty fine job! We took the now dead snake to the dock where Pily cut him (or her) open so we could examine its stomach contents. Evidently, his (or her) last meal was a frog. We found two skinny frog legs inside his (or her) stomach. That was a good 45 minutes or so worth of fun! You gotta love life in the country!

This is me and my kids at my mom's headstone. She and my sister are buried in the little country cemetary down the road from my grandparents house. That is just another reason I am so tied to that place. I KNOW they aren't there, but their headstones are a reminder that they were, in fact, alive and they are part of me. I so wish my kids would have been able to know her. One day. One day.

This is Pily and me at our sister's headstone. Pily was just about 2 and a half when Jamie died, so she doesn't remember her. I remember her plenty and wish she were here. Again, one day.

This time of year is turtle time! Mama turtles can be seen laying their eggs. We passed this one while riding the four-wheelers one day. She only laid one egg before we interrupted her. Maybe she went some place else to lay some more.

This is Pily's first fish she caught at the creek. Yes, she is holding a fish. If you look REAL closely you can see it! At the creek you can catch a bunch of fish, but most of them are tiny. It is still fun, though.

Here is Addie fishing from the dock. She is not the most patient person around, so she never caught anything. Doesn't she just look happy to be there? She is a country girl at heart!

Jackson and Addison at the creek. They had fun walking around and getting wet. That's what it's all about!

This is Drew's big catch. That is one of the biggest fish he has ever caught at the pond. It looked so much bigger in person. We all had to take turns holding it. The mouth on that thing was HUGE!

A dress, rubber boots and a Santa Claus necklace. Does this just scream SUMMER?!

This was Pily's first four-wheeler ride. She went about 2 MPH. Addie said, "Come on, Grandma!" I think she may have gotten up to 10 MPH before the weekend ended, though!

We spent part of two afternoons swimming in the creek and laying out on the "Fun Island." We went for walks, rode the four-wheelers, fished, ate and had a great time. We were only there two full days. Hopefully we can go back soon and stay a little longer. I just love it there. It is my favorite place in the world!

5th Grade Graduation

2011-05-27T18:44:00.004-05:00

This is a picture of Bryson on his first day of kindergarten. As you can tell, he wasn't too excited to be there. I still remember that day like it was yesterday. We were both new to the school and had so much to learn. Six years have gone by very quickly.

Bryson graduated from 5th grade and from elementary school today. I really didn't expect to get emotional about it. I was SO READY for him to be finished and to move on to middle school. Well, so I thought. I took him outside this morning to take his picture in the same spot as I did almost six years ago. That is when the burning in my nose started. I knew it was going to be an emotionally rough morning from that point on.

Here is my big 5th grader ready to leave the school. He didn't really want his picture taken today, either, but for different reasons. There happened to be four 5th grade girls putting the flags up when we went out there. I told him I would be quick and they wouldn't even know what I was doing. I snapped the picture real quickly and off he went. I headed straight to my office to wipe the tears away in private.

I really can't believe it is time for him to leave elementary school. I knew this day would come. I thought I was ready for it, but I'm really not. I keep wondering if I have done a good enough job parenting him to move on to the next phase in his life. I have made SO MANY mistakes. I just hope he can remember the good lessons I have tried to teach and forgive me for the many mistakes I have made. My first baby is growing up and I can't do anything to stop it. All I can do is try to be the best parent I can be and ask for grace and forgiveness when I mess up.

I love you, Bryson James. I am sad to see you leave, but I am excited to watch you grow into a wonderful young man.

Update on Addison

2011-05-21T19:17:00.003-05:00

Addison hasn't eaten solid food since LAST Saturday. She has been living on yogurt and the occasional pudding or applesauce. And she just started applesauce yesterday. She is afraid to eat anything "hard." She only wants "soft" foods, but the only "soft" foods are the ones I have already mentioned. She won't eat ice cream or popsicles. Oh, the reasoning of a three year-old. Go figure! We have even resorted to bribery. I offered to take her out for another "Ladies Day" if she would eat some "real" food. She said she would stay home with Daddy. I offered to take her to get her toenails painted. She said her toes look fine. Drew even offered to buy her a new toy if she would eat some "real" food. No interest. Those are all her favorites, and she isn't budging.

We are hopeful that she will eventually start to want to eat other things. Last night at dinner she licked a very small taste of refried beans off her spoon. And when I say very small, I mean about the size of 1/2 of her pinky nail. Tiny. Apparently, I really screwed her up when I scraped her tonsil. Or maybe it was the choking/tonsil scraping incident followed by strep throat that really messed her up. I'm sure she will blame me for her food issues when she is older anyway even if it isn't due to the choking/tonsil scraping incident. Don't we all blame our mothers for our food/body insecurities/issues anyway?

She had lost 4 pounds last week, but I think she has gained back one or most of one pound. She doesn't have a whole lot of energy (for apparent reasons), but she is doing okay. Monday will be a week since she started antibiotics, so hopefully when she finishes that after Wednesday her appetite will come back and maybe (hopefully) she will want to eat some of her favorite foods again. I hope she isn't scarred for life.

So, our lives right now consist of trying to survive until school is out THIS Friday and trying to find something Addison will try to eat. Yes, we are that exciting. Aren't you jealous?

Addison

2011-05-17T17:00:00.003-05:00

Addison was diagnosed with strep throat yesterday. Drew stayed home with her yesterday, so today was my turn. And, let me just say, we were TOTAL bums today. We did absolutely nothing, nada. We hardly left my bedroom. She did eat part of a yogurt and a snack pack pudding. She drank a yogurt drink this morning and some apple juice. That is all. She has lost a couple of pounds since the weekend, but will hopefully get her appetite back in the next couple of days. She does well once the ibuprofen kicks in and we plan on sending her back to her sitter's house tomorrow. I feel like I wasted an entire day, but if I had it to do over again I would probably do the exact same thing again! Now, let's just hope nobody else gets strep throat before school is out!

Ladies Day

2011-05-16T08:24:00.002-05:00

Addie and I had been waiting for this past Saturday to get here. Finally, it arrived! We had a "Ladies Day" scheduled over a month ago and have been waiting and waiting (patiently, of course) for it to arrive. We had tickets to Casa Manana to see The Wizard of Oz and planned on eating dinner at Zoe's Kitchen. She wanted to throw in a pedicure, also, but I had to put a limit on our "Ladies Day!"

While we were waiting for the show to start she started getting a little restless, so I offered her a Tic Tac. After a couple of minutes of sucking on it she began to choke. She started crying and coughing, so I took her out to calm her down. We went back and enjoyed the show. (By the way, if you have a chance to go see The Wizard of Oz at Casa Manana you have got to go! They did a fantastic job!) Throughout the show she kept apologizing for choking. It was really quite sad.

When we got to Zoe's Kitchen she wanted a bowl of rice pilaf and a bowl of fruit. This is what she always orders when we go there. When our food came she said she was going to eat her rice in small bites, in fact "one piece at a time." She put the first piece of rice in her mouth and chewed it up and started choking. That was it, she wouldn't eat another bite of anything. I told her to drink some water, but she was choking on that, too. I got some to-go boxes and we headed home.

I told Drew what had happened and we tried to get her to eat some dessert pizza the boys had ordered while we were gone. She took one bite and started choking again. By this time we were starting to worry. This wasn't normal. Believe me, that girl doesn't miss a meal! We noticed a fleshy piece sticking up in her throat we had never seen before. After talking about it for several minutes and looking in her throat numerous times, Drew decided to take her to the urgent care clinic.

The doctor examined her and even took some x-rays to make sure there wasn't a foreign body stuck somewhere in her throat. He found nothing. The piece sticking up in her throat is her epiglottis. Who knew?!? I do know that we have NEVER seen her epiglottis before, so this was unusual for us. In fact, I have never seen ANYONE'S epiglottis before. Drew told him about the Tic Tac incident earlier that day and he said the Tic Tac could have aggrivated some scar tissue that may have formed from the time she choked on a meatball and I dug it out and scratched her throat. (See my previous post for that story.) The doctor also thought maybe she was just a little paranoid to eat because she has choked several times. He didn't seem overly concerned, though, and sent them on their way.

Yesterday we offered her anything soft that we thought she would eat. She tried to eat pudding, but choked on it. She tried to eat applesauce, but choked on it. She did finally drink most of a yogurt drink, but that was all. She hasn't eaten anything of substance since lunch on Saturday. Drew is taking her to her regular doctor this morning, so I will post an update later on.

So, we did finally get out "Ladies Day," but it sure didn't turn out like I had hoped. We may just have to have another one to make up for it!

Happenings~ Funny and Not Funny

2011-05-01T17:20:00.003-05:00

Monday morning our phone rang right after 6:00. I always wonder what's wrong when the phone rings at an odd time. I usually think of my Granddad and wonder what has happened to him. That day, however, it was our Addison's sitter, Miss Linda. Her electricity was out and she didn't know when it would come back on. After a quick discussion, I decided I would take her to work with me and drop her off at Miss Linda's after her electricity came back on. This has happened before and isn't a big deal.

Addison was excited about going to school and she's old enough to follow directions stay out of the way when I need her to. My first class on Monday's is first grade. She played a little bit with them and had a good time. When their teachers came to pick them up, she said she had fun and was ready to leave! I explained that I have to do the same thing five more times before we could go home. I had already printed some coloring pages for her and went to get those. I couldn't expect her to not get bored. I set her up with her coloring pages, markers, a clip board, blanket and exercise mat to lay on. She was set for the day. At lunch she went through the lunch line and bought her first school lunch~ corn dog! She ate with me in the teacher's lounge and was as happy as could be!

When I opened my lunch bag I saw a plastic Easter egg taped up with a note stuck on it from Bryson. It read, "To Mom and Addie. I hope you injoy your lunch. There is a chocolate candy inside. From Bryson and maybe Jack." I thought that was so sweet, but it was really light weight. I wondered what kind of chocolate was so light. I untaped it and inside was a LIVE cockroach! Yeah, my sweet son (s) thought that would be pretty funny. And, I have to say that I got a good laugh out of it! Addison made it all day at school that day. Miss Linda called that evening and said her electricity had just come back on. Good thing, because the next day I was scheduled to go on Jackson's field trip to the zoo.

Tuesday, we went to the zoo and had a great time. I was with Jackson and three really good kids. We made it to most of the animals and had a fun time hanging out together. I am so thankful for the opportunity to go with him.

Friday I gave Addison some Spaghettio's for dinner~ don't judge! It was a long week! I left the kitchen to run myself a bath~ again, don't judge! I walked back in the kitchen just as she took a bite with two meatballs on the spoon. She immediately began to choke. She couldn't breathe and there was only a slight wheezing sound coming out. She couldn't cough or talk. I ran over to her and hit her on the back real hard. I'm sure that is not what I was supposed to do, but I sort of panicked. Nothing happened and I swept my finger in the back of her mouth to try to dislodge the food. As I was doing this I felt my finger scrape across her tonsil. She has really big tonsils and I knew what it was when I scraped it. Thankfully one of the meatballs came out. I guess she swallowed the other one. When the meatball came out she spit it in the bowl along with A LOT of bright red blood. This freaked her out. She started crying to the point of not being able to breathe. The blood just kept filling her mouth. I was worried that it wouldn't stop. It finally began to slow down. It took her a good 30 minutes or so to calm down. She just kept saying, "You stuck your finger in my throat. You scratched my throat. You hurt me, Mommy." I felt horrible, but she told me she forgave me. That was a very scary moment. I hope I don't ever have to do that again. Her throat still hurts and probably will for several days. I just have to keep a close eye on her when she eats and make sure she knows to slow down and take smaller bites.

Friday evening we also went by a new bakery near our house. I wanted to get some cupcakes for Jackson's birthday. I ordered a dozen assorted cupcakes and the total came to $38!!! Uh, hello, they are cupcakes! We were going to go out to eat that evening, but not after paying $38 for 12 cupcakes. That is one of the reasons Addison had Spaghetto's for dinner! I think I was still in shock from paying that much for cupcakes.

Saturday Jackson had his final soccer game of the season. He played very well and they won their game. It really was fun watching him play and he seemed to enjoy it, too. After the game we took a group of 5 boys to the movies to see Rio and then out to dinner to celebrate Jackson's birthday. After dinner we let the boys choose a cupcake. They were so rich, the kids couldn't finish one. Drew and I finished ours, though! We weren't going to waste those expensive cupcakes!

Today is Jackson's seventh birthday. Drew's mom took him out to dinner after church today and then shopping at Toys R Us. This afternoon we took him to Academy to pick out a new bike. That's what he wanted from us. He rode it in the rain as soon as we got home! He had a great day. I am so thankful for my sweet little boy and I can hardly believe that it has been seven years since I first saw my cute, tiny baby. Time is going by way too quickly.

So, that pretty much wraps up our week. We have FOUR more weeks to go before SUMMER!!! I am looking forward to some down time and to our trip to Orlando in July!

Hello!

2011-04-14T15:38:00.002-05:00

Where have I been, you ask? Well, at least my dad has been asking! I am a PE teacher and our "big event" (aka. field day) happens in the Spring. All year I have had in my mind that our field day was scheduled for May 20th. No, I don't keep a planner. I have it all up here! *pointing to my head* Who needs a planner when you have a FANTASTIC memory! Well, evidently, I do. We were talking in the office the other day about something that is scheduled for May 20th and it wasn't field day. Apparently, field day has been scheduled for May 6th ALL YEAR! Needless to say, I had to kick it into high gear and start getting ready. I have shirts to order, schedules to arrange and stations to create! So until things settle down a little bit or until one of the kids does something too funny not to share, my presence on my blog will be minimal. Once field day is over and I am counting down the final THREE weeks of school, I hope to be on here more often! Ta Ta for Now!

Addie's Song

2011-03-31T20:03:00.003-05:00

Addie loves to sing and makes up songs regularly or sings songs from movies or her CDs. She sang a very special, original song tonight. I will share it with you. "I love you, Toilet Paper. I love you, Toilet Paper. When I pee or poop I wipe my butt with TOI......LET.......PA.......PER!!!!!!!" You're Welcome.

Soccer

2011-03-27T14:24:00.002-05:00

Jackson is LOVING soccer! He first expressed an interest in playing soccer a few months ago. Before that, he was all about playing baseball. When it was time to sign him up for a Spring sport I was sure he would pick baseball, but he proved me wrong. He wanted to play soccer. I was hesitant at first, but we signed him up. I was afraid he would go to a couple of practices and discover just how much running is involved in playing soccer and want to quit. Well, let me just say (again!) that he LOVES it! He is pretty good at it, too. Most of the kids on his team have played before, but he fits right in with them. In fact, he is one of the better players (If I do say so myself!). He is fast, persistent, attentive, quick and aggressive. He has scored in each of the games he has played so far. One of his coaches is surprised that he hasn't played before. He loves being good at something (Don't we all?!) and looks forward to practice and games each week. He has told us that he wants to play baseball again this Summer, but right now he is LOVING soccer. I am enjoying watching him play and learning all the rules and intricacies of the game. Who would have thought we would be a soccer family? Not I and especially not Drew! He wasn't looking forward to soccer games, but I think he really likes them, too.

He just LOOKS like a soccer player!

This is his coach that is VERY encouraging to him. He always has something nice to say to Jackson.

This is Jackson's first grade teacher. She was sweet to come watch him play yesterday. He loves her as much as he loves soccer!

Spring Break in Pictures (and some words)

2011-03-17T17:25:00.005-05:00

The kids looking for things in the mud. They found some water bugs, frogs, crawdads and a salamander.

Bryson loves to search for creatures.

Addie searching with her net!

It got warm on Saturday, so Jackson and Addie took off their shirts. Jack didn't really want me to take his picture, but I did anyway!

Addison getting her feet wet in the pond.

Jackson climbing the side of the road.

Cousins~ Jackson, Bryson, Addison, Charlie, Grace and Kaelyn

Our trusty hike guide!

The boys on the hike. We made them walk at the end because of all the sticks they were swinging around.

Grace~ She had fun playing outside with the kids. She was a very good sport this week.

The kids at the creek. This is the spot we swim in during the summer. We LOVE to swim in the creek!

Addison on the hike.

Another picture taken during our hike. I can't believe that Bryson is almost as big as I am!

There are trails at my grandparents' house. Each trail is named after one of the great-grandchildren. My grandmother has painted signs that were hung at the beginning and end of each trail. Our goal on our hike was to take a picture of all the kids by their sign. We walked about 1.5-2 miles trying to make it to all the signs. I am proud to say the kids made it without much complaint. They were "rescued" right after we took the last picture when Amanda, Charles and Uncle Terry showed up with the four-wheelers. Drew and I got to finish the last mile or so by ourselves in total silence! That was the BEST part of the hike! :0)

Addie had a good time fishing. We were using a salamander lurer. We never even got a bite. Each time she reeled it in she would say, "Hey, I keep getting the same thing." Then she said, "We should name him." I think we settled on Sam the Salamander. Sam never did catch us a fish!

Wednesday we roasted hot dogs by the fire. Drew set us up so we wouldn't have to stand there and hold the sticks. If you know Drew, you know how he likes to makes things as easy as possible!

Amanda and Charles. We had a good time hanging out with them. We don't get to see them very often.

Addie!

Grandmother and Granddad relaxing out by the fire.

Friday evening we loaded up and headed up to my favorite place~ The Pond. I just love being up there. I have been going there since I was a little girl. It just feels like home and my kids love it, too. Drew would live up there if he could.

We just do whatever we want when we are there. We sleep as late as possible. Eat whenever we want. Stay outside as much as we can. I enjoy running up there, also. I ran three days while we were gone. I love running on the country roads. The runs are always challenging because of all the hills and the dirt roads that lead to the paved roads, but I just feel such peace when I run there.

Amanda and her family got there on Sunday evening. They also brought Grace, Amanda and Charles' niece, with them. Their son, Charlie, is the same age and Jackson and their daughter, Kaelyn, is about a year and a half older than Addison. Grace is a year younger than Bryson. The kids had so much fun playing outside together.

Monday it was cold and rainy, but the other days were just beautiful. We stayed outside most of the day and even got a little color from the sun!

We just spent five days playing outside and relaxing as much as possible. We hiked, fished, played cards, ate, road four-wheelers and talked. You can't have a better Spring Break than that!

We came home today and hope to get a few things done around the house before we have to go back to work on Monday. We have 10 more Mondays left before school is out for SUMMER! I love my job, but I also love getting to spend the summer with my family. Only 73 more days until Summer 2011!!!

Short post and not very exciting!

2011-03-11T08:34:00.003-06:00

So, I have been just a little busy and haven't taken the time to post anything new. We are just living life and trying to muddle through until Spring Break. Which starts today at 3:45!!!

Bryson finished up his basketball season last night and Jackson is in full swing with his soccer. I always looked forward to the day my kids were involved in sports, so I am loving this! It gets a little hectic at times, but it really is a lot of fun. I love watching them play and interact with other boys. It warms my heart to see them offer a hand to someone who has fallen down and to shake hands with the opposing team before and after the game. I have always been a little competitive myself, so I love the feel of competition. It does make me want to get out there and play something, though. I would love to play basketball again, but I just don't have the time. Maybe one day!

My next event is in April. I am doing the Warrior Dash. I have never done anything like that so I don't really know what to expect. I am going into it with no expectations other than to just have fun.

I am still hoping to one day learn to love running. I still do it at least 3 times a week, but I have yet to experience a feeling LOVE for it. Hopefully, one day I can say that I love it.

Drew is doing well. I am really proud of him and he will probably be mad at me for posting this, but he has lost 20 pounds recently! We are trying really hard to eat well and set a good example for our kids. We do okay, but there is always room for improvement. Way to go, Drew, and don't be too mad at me! I just want to celebrate your successes with you!

That is all I have time for right now. I will post some Spring Break pictures in a week or so! Happy Spring Break! Only 10 more weeks of school until Summer 2011!!!

Not so shining moment

2011-02-22T17:44:00.003-06:00

Some times when I begin to write a blog post I delete it because I feel like I am sharing too much. This is one of those times, but I am not going to delete it. I am just going to keep going. If you know me, you know I am an open book. I will share just about everything~ the good, the bad and the ugly. Some may think I share too much. I guess those people don't have to keep reading. Some people may read and see that I am normal (I hope!) and that we are all human. Judge me if you want, but I am going to blog about what moves me.

I am not perfect. I will be the FIRST to admit that. I have moments where I feel like I am doing pretty well navigating through this life I have been given. Then, I have moments where I am a total screw up. Last night was one of the screw up times.

My kids have been getting on my nerves the last couple of days. Most of the time they don't, but the last couple of days haven't been good. Yes, I am extremely thankful for them. Yes, I know I am blessed with three incredible and healthy children. Yes, I know there are people who would kill to have children. I know these things, but the fact remains that they have been getting on my nerves. Try not to judge me too harshly.

Yesterday afternoon we had a meeting after school and then Bryson had basketball practice. Drew had a late coaches' meeting, so I was single mom for the night. (As a side note, let me just say right now that I am SO THANKFUL that I only have to be a single mom for one day every week or so and not every stinkin' day. I don't know how they do it.) Anyway, we were going to have about 20 minutes at home before we had to leave for basketball practice. I was trying to make sure Jackson had what he needed to do his homework while Bryson practiced and I was trying to make sure Addie had something to do to keep her occupied. At the same time I was trying to get them a snack because we weren't going to have dinner until after practice. Addie was asleep in the car during all of this, so I only had two kids under foot. Yes, I left her asleep in the car in the garage while we were home for 20 minutes. That was so much better than the alternative of waking her up and risking a total melt down.

Practice was fine, Jackson did his homework and Addison woke up in a fairly good mood. She colored while Jackson did his homework and I was able to relax for about 5 minutes. On the way to the car Addie started running down the sidewalk. She was wearing flip flops. I told her to stop running and Bryson also told her to stop. Well, of course she didn't listen and ended up falling on her knees and then her head hit the concrete. While this was going on, Jackson climbed through the back of my car and couldn't shut the back door. When we left for practice I told him not to do this anymore because he wasn't able to close the door. I told him to go through the side door then crawl to the back. As I was gently reminding him of this ( Who am I kidding? I was yelling), Addison was screaming her head off because she fell. Bryson was asking about what we were having for dinner. I got in the car and pulled away. When we were about 1/2 mile away from the school where Bryson practices I had to make a right turn at a stop sign. I was still gently talking to (yelling at) them about following directions and why it is important to listen to their mom when I misjudged the turn and hit the curb with my back right tire. I hit it pretty hard. They were bouncing around, my sunglasses fell from the little storage thing they are in, my purse fell over and the cup of tea I had spilled in my car. (Luckily, it was unsweetened so it wasn't sticky!) Then I heard it~ ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss. It was coming from my back right tire. Then my tire pressure light came on.

I was on a two-lane road with no shoulder or lights and it was dark. I knew I couldn't stop there. I wanted to try to make it home, but I was still about 3-4 miles away. By this time the kids are crying and freaking out. I am just trying to make it somewhere safe where I can pull over. I finally make it to a church parking lot and pull under one of their lights. I had been driving for a good ways on just the wheel. I knew this wasn't good, but there was no safe place to stop. When I opened the car to inspect the damage all I could smell was burning rubber. My tire was completely flat. This is where I was a total screw up. (As if all events leading up to this were wonderful and upstanding.)

I began yelling at my kids. I blamed them for my misjudging the turn. I blamed them for me being stressed out. I blamed them for anything and everything that came into my head. During all of the blaming, I managed to call Drew and tell him what had happened (I may have paraphrased a bit and may have thrown in a few explitives, I can't exactly remember. At least that is what I am claiming today!) He said he would be there in about 20 minutes. Yes, I yelled and blamed some more and I didn't feel badly at the time. I was so MAD! Drew came and I took his car and the kids home. He stayed to put the spare on and drove home.

The guilt didn't come until later. And, boy, did it come. I just pray that I didn't scar my kids for life. I am not perfect. I screw up. But, I do the best I can do at the time. Sometimes my best is pretty good and sometimes my best, well, just sucks. My kids have forgiven me. Addie has told me that I am her best friend. Jackson has told me many times that he loves me. Bryson has hugged me and told me that he loves me. Drew has forgiven me and told me these things happen. Now if only I could forgive myself.

Today we took my car in to get a new tire put on. The car won't be ready until tomorrow. They have to install the tire and fix the wheel. This temper tantrum of mine is going to cost us $300-$350. Have I learned a lesson? I hope so. Will I lose my temper again? Probably. Will my family forgive me? I am fairly certain they will. Will I finally be able to forgive my self? I can only pray I will.

Routine (or lack there of) and Sickness

2011-02-13T16:29:00.003-06:00

I always forget how much I NEED a routine until I don't have a routine. Two weeks ago I stayed home from work with Jackson because he didn't feel well. That was on a Monday. Truthfully, I was a little thankful to be able to stay home with him and have a day to lay around in my pj's doing nothing. The next morning I woke up to the sound of sleet hitting our windows. Then we got the call (actually 7 calls) saying that school was closed for the day. So began our FOUR snow days in a row and our WEEK of no routine. The first couple of days were great, but after that I began to CRAVE my routine.

Monday started a new week and I looked forward to getting back to working out first thing in the morning and getting on with my day. This lasted for exactly TWO days. Wednesday morning we got the call, again, that school was cancelled due to some more ice. Seriously? We had just got back to normal. Luckily, this time the ice melted during the day and we were able to go back to school the following morning.

Thursday morning I woke up late (4:45) because the volume was turned off on my phone. It probably happened when Addison was playing with it the night before. I was a little miffed because I missed my morning workout, again. Once I got up I realized that I didn't feel quite right. My throat was hurting and I was getting achey. I asked Drew if he would call the doctor and try to get me an appointment for that day. This is unusual for me, because I haven't been to a doctor due to illness in recent memory. Seriously, it has been at least 4 years since I have been to my primary care physician. So long, in fact, that she is no longer at that office. I don't know where she ended up.

So, Drew found me a new doctor and got me an appointment for 11:00 Thursday morning. By the time I finished filling out the paper work I started feeling feverish. I had already take 2 doses of ibuprofen for the pain in my throat, so it probably kept my temperature down, also. My temperature was only 99.5 when checked, but I know it would have been higher if I hadn't taken the ibuprofen. Sometimes you just know your body~ at least I do. The doctor checked me out and decided to give me a prescription for an antibiotic for a sinus infection. She never tested for strep, but I know I had it. Again, sometimes you just know. I knew the antibiotic would take care of the strep, so I didn't ask for the test. I dropped my prescription off at Sam's and went back to school. I probably shouldn't have gone back, but I didn't want to leave Pam, my EA, alone with my afternoon classes. I just made plans to leave as soon as I could when I was finished with my last class.

I checked the boys out early, picked up my prescription and went home. I took a hot bath, put my pj's on and got in bed. By then I was feeling pretty bad. Drew brought me dinner at some point and I managed to swallow it. It takes A LOT to keep me from eating! Ha Ha! I had planned on taking the antibiotic a few times, getting some rest and going to work the next morning. Usually, I only stay home from work if one of the kids are sick or I have body fluids coming out uncontrollably! Sorry, TMI! A sinus infection and (undiagnosed) strep throat only keeps wimps home from work. WRONG! During the night, I got much worse. My throat began to hurt so bad that it hurt just to breathe. I had a fever most of the night even though I was taking ibuprofen ever 4 hours. My body ached and my skin hurt to the touch. I was miserable. Around 5:30 I dragged myself out of bed to put in for a sub. I knew I just couldn't make it.

I spent all day on Friday in bed. I only got up to eat and use the restroom. Remember, it takes A LOT to keep me from eating! I finally got out of bed around 3:00 to take another bath so I could go pick up Addison. Drew picked up the boys and took them with him to his basketball game. By that time I was beginning to feel better and knew I would live to see another day.

Today is the first day my throat hasn't hurt to swallow. I think I am finally back to "normal" (It's a relative term with me!) and I am looking forward to working 5 full days this week.

I need my routine. I need structure. I enjoy the occasional bonus day off, but I function so much better when I have a routine. Tonight I will set my alarm, and make sure my volume is on, and look forward to getting back to normal in the morning!

Arctic Blast and Some Scattered Thoughts

2011-02-06T15:45:00.003-06:00

We were stuck in the house all week because of the Arctic Blast that blew into Texas and stayed around for a few days. The first two days were wonderful! We laid around watching TV, sleeping and eating. After that, though, it started to get a little tiresome. I was itching to get out of the house. I went to the gym a couple of times just to have someplace to go. The first day I ventured out I saw a lady slam her SUV into a concrete barrier in the median of the highway and saw several other cars slipping and sliding around on the streets. By the time I made it to the gym I was a nervous wreck. It was probably the dumbest thing I did that day. I really should have not been out on the streets driving around just for the sake of getting out of the house. Not a smart move. I still had to make it back home, too. I also needed gas. The next day I still went to the gym, but the roads weren't quite as bad.

During this time at home I had a lot of time to think. Yeah, I know, not always a good thing! Some thoughts have been running through my mind for several months now and last week I spent a little more time throwing these ideas around. So many times I compare myself to other people. I want to be like this person, I want to look like that person, I want to be as successful as __________, I wish I had personal style like ____________, I wish my house looked like ___________, and so on and so forth. So, I started thinking: Why is it so bad to just be ME? What is so wrong with me that I want to change me? So, I have decided to just be the best ME I can be. Whatever that is. I know I am not perfect. I know I have many faults and flaws. But, I also know I have some good points. My goal is to try to focus on what I do well and try to be the best person I can be~ not to compare myself to other people, but to compare myself to me.

I have always had it in my head that I want to be a certain size or shape. I would look at other people and wish I could look like them. Last summer I started on a journey to lose 20 pounds. I had a vision of what I would look like 20 pounds lighter. As the weight started coming off, though, I couldn't see the changes that I wanted to see. I still looked like me. People started commenting about how much I had lost and I just couldn't see it. When I looked in the mirror I still saw all the flaws. I didn't see the changes that were taking place. I know it's hard to notice changes when you see yourself every day, but I just couldn't believe that it was visible to others. Once the 20 pounds were gone, I still wasn't satisfied. I wanted to lose 5 more. Maybe if I lost 5 more I would be satisfied. I know it is an endless cycle. I know that it is not really about the weight. I know this, but it is hard to get out of this way of thinking.

During this journey (and a lot of time spent thinking this past week) I began to wonder why I wanted to look like __________ or __________. Why try to be someone I am not? Not only did I start to change on the outside, but I started to change on the inside. I started to realize that I am never going to look like another person because I am NOT that person. I am me and I need to be the best me I can be. I know I would be a lot less frustrated with things if I would just stop comparing myself to other people and just try to be the best person I can be.

I know this may sound stupid to some people and trivial to others, but it isn't to me. I have never really been happy with myself for many reasons. It is time that I stop criticizing myself and start focusing on my positive attributes. If I do this, I know I will be a better wife, mother, teacher, daughter, sister, friend, etc. I may not be perfect, but I am me. Take me or leave me. Either way, I am going to make it. Either way I am going to be the best I can be.

So, I hope you will stay with me during this process. I know I am not always easy to be around, but just know that I am trying. I know that the people who truly love me will be there for me when I need them most. I know that even when I won't ask for help the people who love me will be there to offer their help. I know that this is not going to be a short, quick journey. But, I also know that I will come through it a better person. Thank you, in advance, to the people who will help me be the best me I can be.

"S" Happenings

2011-02-01T18:51:00.003-06:00

Stock Show
Pily was in town last weekend, so we took her and the kids to the Stock Show. Her future school is right across the street, so we stopped and took her picture in front of the school's sign. Just a few more months and she will have her "official" white coat! I am super excited for her and super excited that she will just be minutes away from us!

Stinky
The kids didn't enjoy seeing the animals at the Stock Show because "they stink!" I told them that they stink too, but they didn't see the humor in it. We ended up spending most of our time paying too much money to ride the carnival rides. Yes, I know, this is what they want you to do and we played right into their hands. $4 for a ride is ridiculous, but we paid it anyway. The kids had fun, though, so that's all that matters. No, Drew didn't ride anything. He is afraid of dying on a carnival-type ride, so he just watched. I, on the other hand, love to ride rides! I am hoping one of my kids will want to ride with me when we go to Disney World this summer. I'll feel really stupid riding all by myself!

Snow
It snowed/iced here last night so we are off work! I was awake off and on all night. I just couldn't sleep very well. I could here it raining/sleeting and could hear the wind blowing around like crazy. Around 2-3 in the morning, it turned to just sleet. My alarm went off at 4 and I decided not to go to the gym. I didn't want to chance it. No workout is worth the $500 it would cost me for my car insurance deductible. At 4:30 I took a Simply Sleep and prayed for a call from the school district saying school was cancelled. I was so sleepy, but couldn't sleep, so I just took my chances that it would be cancelled and took the pretty blue pill that leads to happy sleepiness! It paid off and I was able to sleep until noonish.

Seven
The number of times the district's automated phone system called to say school was cancelled. Once the phones stopped ringing I was able to get some good sleep in.

Stuck
We are pretty much stuck in our house. Our driveway is rather steep and Drew is afraid we couldn't get back up the driveway if we backed out of the garage. This is fine, but I KNOW that cabin fever will start to rear its ugly little head if this lasts too much longer.

Sick
Jackson woke up Monday morning saying he thought he was going to throw up. He is usually pretty honest with us and knows when he is going to be sick, so I stayed home with him. He said he "threw up a little bit," but I never (thank goodness) saw any evidence to confirm this. He stayed in bed most of the morning and spent the rest of the evening watching movies with Addison in her room. By evening, he was just fine. Who knows, maybe he pulled one over on us. I probably won't be so quick to believe him in the future. And, yes, I told him this!

Stuffed
Drew has been home with us today, so he has been cooking. He brought me some yummy breakfast in bed when I was in between sleeping. I ate so much that I told him I couldn't eat anything until dinner. I got hungry around 2:00 and had a couple of oranges, though. He also made a fabulous chocolate cake. After dinner (his wonderful beans and cornbread), I had a piece. And, yes, it was as wonderful and chocolately as I knew it would be! I enjoyed every stinkin' bite!

Super Excited
We found out earlier this evening that school is closed again tomorrow! I know, I know we are going to have to make up these days, but I am going to enjoy every second right now! Snow days are just so exciting for kids and teachers!

I think that is about all the "S" things going on right now! Stay tuned, I'm sure there is more to come in the days ahead!

19 Years~ I Remember

2011-01-22T07:02:00.005-06:00

I almost have lived without her as long as I lived with her. This is hard to wrap my mind around. Honestly, it seems like yesterday. I can't believe it has been this long. Some things you never forget. Each day in January that leads up to the 22nd, the events of that awful night 19 years ago play in my mind. I blogged about it a couple of years ago here. You can read the whole horrific story, if you want.

I remember each detail like it just happened. The sounds, smells, sights, people are just too real. I remember making the 911 call and then the call to my dad. I remember wandering through the house not knowing what to do until help arrived. I remember feeling so helpless. I remember feeling my life crash all around me. I remember the sound of her fiancee's cry when he was first told she was gone. I remember how heavy but empty my chest felt for days, weeks and months afterward. I remember how my mom seemed like a shell of herself. I remember that she and I would go days without saying a word to each other. Each greiving together, but separately. I remember cleaning out her room. I remember knowing that I couldn't sleep in my room because that is where I found her. I couldn't sleep in her room because it was HER room. I remember being 20 years old and sleeping with my mom like a toddler because I couldn't stand to be alone in that house where she died.

I remember how she and I could bring out the worst in each other. I remember how we could also bring out the best in each other. I remember knowing that she would take care of me, her little sister, when I couldn't take care of myself. I remember "borrowing" money from her always with the promise of paying her back, knowing that I never would. I remember that she never hesitated to give it to me anyway. I remember the way she would dream about being a mom and raising her own kids. I remember her laugh and her smile. Her cry and her scowl. Her anger and her joy.

I remember how we were afraid to say her name afterward because it hurt so badly. I remember going with my mom to choose her headstone and how she wanted it to be perfect. I remember turning my head when passing the cementary because I couldn't stand to see it. I remember my mom's silent tears that seemed to come out of nowhere. I remember how my mom and I would take our anger and hurt out on each other because we just didn't know what else to do. I remember feeling alone.

I REMEMBER.

Bullet Points

2011-01-15T08:58:00.002-06:00

Pily has "reprimanded" me for not updating my blog more often, so here goes. Oh, and these bullet points are not in chronological order. I don't really care to be that organized!

I took Addie shopping with me on Thursday. I wasn't planning on buying anything. I just wanted to look and try some things on. I NEVER try anything on, but I need to right now because I'm not really sure what size I am. I took Addie and some clothes into the fitting room and she thought that was really fun until I started taking off my pants! I think I freaked her out a little bit. I had to explain to her why I was taking my clothes off in a store! Remember, I NEVER try anything on so she hasn't experienced a fitting room before! After I was finished, she thought it was funny that I took my clothes off in a store! I guess I should get her out more often!
Pily has decided to go to medical school in Fort Worth and we are VERY excited about that. We can't wait for July 19th to get here! We can go see her anytime we want and she can come hang out with us in her spare time! Ha! We probably won't get to see her as much as we think we will, but maybe she will come over for some food every once in a while!
Speaking of Pily, she was here last weekend and into the week. She was able to hang out with us for several days and see just how exciting we really are. I don't think she will ever be the same! Ha! Seriously, we are VERY boring! On Tuesday, she and Addie spent the day together. They went to Let's Jump and Jason's Deli for lunch. Then they read books and Pily painted Addie's toe nails. That sounded like a near-perfect day to me! Addie was really upset when Pily had to leave the next morning. She will be back, though!
Nancy and I are running again. I didn't think I would ever want to run again about six weeks ago, but never say never, I guess! We aren't going to run every weekend, maybe just every other weekend. Whatever fits into our schedules. We are also going to start off with some shorter runs. Hopefully I can get my body used to running gradually and it won't hurt so much as we increase our mileage. I WANT to enjoy running, so I just need to take it slow at first and build up gradually.
I found an awesome app for my phone last weekend. It's called Nike Women's Training. We tried some of the workouts this week and let me just say that they are tough! My abs may never be the same! They were so sore I couldn't even take a deep breath without hurting. I am still a little sore from our first workout on Monday. I like that we have found a way to change up our workouts. I was ready for a change and so were my muscles. I have felt muscles I didn't know I had! Plus, the time goes by really quickly because there is no time to rest.
Bryson has his first basketball game today. He is playing with the YMCA this year. Hopefully he will have a good time and continue to enjoy it.
I have finally lost 20 pounds since last July. I have actually hit my original goal, but I lowered it 5 pounds. I want to have a little cushion when I am trying to maintain my loss. It has been tough, but rewarding. At least now I KNOW I can do it and I know how to do it the right way. The loss was slow, but hopefully I can keep it off. I am determined to get it off and keep it off. I want to be healthy and teach my kids how to live a healthy life. I don't want them to have to lose a large amount of weight when they are older. It is easier to maintain than to lose a large amount, so hopefully some of my good habits will rub off on them!

That's about all that is going on. I will try to take and post some pictures next time!

Happy New Year!

2011-01-01T18:07:00.002-06:00

I just had to document this for Kelly~ Her LAST diet Coke!

This may come as a shock to you, but we aren't very exciting people. I know, I know, that is some hard news to take in. We don't go out a lot. We enjoy spending time at home. just relaxing.

This year for New Year's Eve we asked Drew's brothers and their families if they would like to come hang out with us. Unfortunately, David had to work, but everyone else was able to come. We just sat around and talked and ate dinner. Nothing fancy~ Drew just grilled hamburgers and the kids had hot dogs. Again, we aren't very exciting!

The kids, on the other hand, enjoy some excitement. The eight cousins played together~relatively well. It's hard to have complete cooperation when the ages range from 3 to 11, but they were pretty good.

Since I don't have much family, I enjoy it when everyone gets to hang out together. We don't do it often enough, so hopefully this year we can work on that. We all live within 15 miles of each other, so it really shouldn't be a big deal to get together every once in a while. I really want to kids to grow close to their cousins, also. I always loved being around my cousins when I was younger and still enjoy seeing them whenever I can.

We did make it to midnight~ New York time! We didn't quiet make it until midnight night our time, but close enough! Maybe next year we will make it.

Today was spent just laying around watching TV. We watched the Rose Bowl Parade (When I say "we" I mean "me.") and watched some bowl games. So, our new year started off quietly and uneventful. Which is just how I like it!

Jackson in his room. They watched Scooby Doo for a little while and thought the burping and "gassing" scene was especially funny!

Jonathan and Bryson, the "big boys" watched Clone Wars on the laptop. They didn't have too much to do with the younger kids. I guess they are at "that age." Our boys are growing up.

These three spent quite a bit of time together. Here they are in Addison's room listening to a book on CD.

Kelly, Carrie and Matthew

Again, the scene in Scooby Doo was pretty funny!

Kian and Addison "reading" books in her room.

Kian drying Addison's hair. He has two older sisters, so he is comfortable playing with the girls!

Oh, there was a lot of play fighting, too!

Addison and Landri just love each other!

HAPPY NEW YEAR, FRIENDS!

I hope 2011 is good to you!

Better Late Than Never!

2010-12-29T20:07:00.002-06:00

I know, I know, it has been too long since my last post. I am just going to start typing and see what comes out.

We have started giving the boys an allowance. We tried this in the past with Bryson, but I think he was too young to really understand what was going on. Here is what we came up with: The first week they do their chores without complaint they will receive $1 each. The next week they do their chores without complaint they will each receive $2 each. This will continue each week until their reach their maximum of $5. It will remain at $5 per week as long as they do their chores without complaint. As soon as they complain about doing their part in our family, they drop back down to $1 per week and have to earn their way back up to $5. So far, we are on week 3 and they haven't complained about keeping their rooms clean, emptying the trash cans, taking out the trash and recycle things, cleaning their bathroom and vacuuming the house. I am only out $6 so far and it has been good. Drew didn't think it would last this long, but they have proved him wrong. They have also learned that money is hard to earn and it doesn't go as far as we want it to.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We spent the first week of Christmas break in Oklahoma. I LOVE being up there with my grandparents. I know they won't always be around, so we are going to try to spend as much time as we can with they while they are still here. My granddad wasn't feeling too well while we were there and that is always hard to see. I hate seeing him suffer and in pain. He seems to have many more bad days than good days and I know it must be hard to live like that.

The first night we were there Addison kept complaining that her stomach hurt. She finally threw up early in the morning. Bryson followed suit the next evening. I was so afraid that the rest of us would get whatever they had, but we never did. Thank goodness! I become CRAZY when someone is sick! I HATE stomach bugs and go a little nuts. Hopefully, it will not resurface. Enough about that!

We came home on Christmas Eve and spent Christmas morning at our house. We haven't done this many times since we have been married and it was nice. I liked not having to load up all the presents and Santa stuff and take all of that with us out of town. We may have to do that again next year.

This week we have just spent some time at home relaxing and hanging out. It has really been a good relaxing break and hopefully will allow us to get through to Spring Break! I'm not sure how many weeks away that is, but I will assume that it is around 10.

They boys are spending the night with their cousins tonight, so we are just a family of three for an evening! Addison is enjoying the extra attention and I am enjoying not having to listen to fighting sounds all night! If you have boys, you know the sounds I am talking about!

I know this wasn't a very interesting post, but I plan on coming back in the NEAR future with something a little better. Right now I am going to go lay on the couch and see if Drew will rub my feet! :0)

Runner's High?

2010-12-08T09:51:00.002-06:00

I will admit that I am not a very good runner. Maybe it's my attitude that makes me a poor runner. I don't work out all my problems or lose myself in the scenery. I just try to get through it. I took up running because I knew it would change my body. I have worked out for years, but I wasn't seeing the results I wanted to see. I couldn't get rid of the 20 pounds I wanted so desperately to lose. I knew running would do it, but I also knew that I don't enjoy it.

It helped to have the half-marathon as a goal. I kept my eyes on that and that is the only thing that got me to run some days. There were days I wanted to stay in bed instead of get out in the cold, dark morning, but I wanted to be prepared to run. Some days were TOUGH. One day I made it to 5 miles and couldn't do any more. I walked and ran the remaining 4, but I felt like such a failure. I cried during my walk/run part that day and questioned why I ever thought I could do something like this. After beating myself up all week about it, I went out and ran 10 miles the following Saturday. I just wanted to prove to myself that I could do it.

Now that the half-marathon is over I don't really know how I feel about running. I still have 5 of the 20 pounds to lose. I know I can get it off if I continue to run, but I don't know if it is worth it. I am taking a week off from running in hopes that I can get some of the desire back.

I don't think I am built to run long distances. I have short, big legs and wide hips. No serious runner is shaped like me. Runners are sleek and small. I am neither of those. I could run until my feet fell off and I would never be built like a runner. I think I may be better at a 5k or 10k distance. Maybe I wouldn't have to spend an entire day recovering after a shorter run. Running anything over 6 or 7 miles just does me in. It is at those distances that I start to have a horrible attitude about running. I don't know, maybe it is just my horrible attitude right now.

Right now I am cranky and tired. I don't know if it has anything to do with the run on Sunday or not. I feel like my body is just tired. My chest is tight and I don't feel like I can take a deep breath. I feel like I want to sit down all the time. I don't even want to be around people. It's almost like a form of depression. I hope this is normal and things will regulate themselves. If this is my body's response to running, I don't think it is worth it.

Hopefully my week-long break from running will help. I think what I am going to have to do is not worry about what everyone around me is doing and just do what is right for me. I always feel like I have to be a certain size or number on the scale or perform at a level that may not be right for me. I'm not saying I don't want to better myself or push myself, I just wonder when the cost is too high.

These are some of the things I am going to have to work out in my head. I am going to have to decide what is best for me and my family for that matter. Drew has to do some of my share of the work when I am too wiped out to function after a long run. Seriously, I can barely get out of bed for several hours some days after a long run. Is it worth it? I'm starting to think it's not. Time is bed it time not spent with my kids or with Drew. It is time that he has to work extra hard when I could be helping him around the house. I have some serious thinking to do.

So, "Runner's High?" I haven't ever really experienced that. Maybe I am trying too hard and should just let my body be the guide.

NEVER AGAIN...

2010-12-06T18:27:00.004-06:00

(Here we are at the start of the race. Notice that I am smiling. The smile faded at about mile 5. It didn't come back until we were finished and I realized that I was, indeed, still living!)

well, maybe.

Yesterday was the big run we have spent the past 12 weeks training for. I am not a runner and this was one of the most difficult physical challenges I have ever encountered. I didn't know if I could do it, but I wanted to give it a go. I decided that if I was going to run that far I needed to lose some weight. My goal was to lose 20 pounds by race day. I didn't reach my goal, but I got close. I lost 15. I still want to lose the remaining 5, so I won't give up, yet.

Pily and I talked about training for and running a half-marathon back in the Spring. We decided to just do it. I also asked my friend/co-worker/workout partner if she wanted to join us. Nancy and I already run and workout together during the week, so we just added a long run outside on the weekends. We started out with a 5 mile run and either repeated the distance the following weekend or added one mile. After 11 weeks we worked our way up to 11 miles. I won't lie and say the training was easy, but it was easier with a running buddy. I don't think I would have been able to do it alone.

( After the race. It took us a while to meet up with Drew. There were A LOT of people there. Drew was awesome to come out and support us. He even brought all the kids and Pily's mom. I think he deserves a medal!)

On Saturday we drove over to Dallas to pick up our race packet. We also spent a little time walking around the Health Expo. It was fun being around all the serious runners. Running is such a life style. I don't think I have it in me to be a serious runner. Who am I kidding, I KNOW I don't have it in me to be a serious runner! I'll just pretend occasionally!

On the way home, we went to Academy. We were second guessing our choices in running apparel. The temperature was supposed to be in the 30's and windy. We wanted layers, but didn't know how many or how thick. I guess you learn from each race and just do the best you can do. Overall, I think we made some pretty good choices, but we spent A LOT of time thinking and talking about it!

(After the race. We were biting our medals. This was Drew's idea and our tribute to the Olympics!)

We got to the Dallas early the next morning. A lot of people-watching and talking was done while we were waiting. About 30 minutes before the scheduled start we decided we had better use the restroom. Well, the other 20,000+ runners had the same idea. We decided the port-a-potties were going to be the fastest/best choice. Apparently, the thought of running that far makes people nervous and, well, let's just say that it can cause, um, digestive difficulties. At least it wasn't hot outside, but it was windy. We got to experience some, um, interesting odors. Okay, moving on...

(Me and Pily after the race. The smile was back. I think I am still delirious at this point!)

The runner were broken up into corrals depending on your running time. The fastest runners were in front, so we were WAY in the back. After the 8:00 start, it took our group almost an HOUR to get to the starting line! When we finally started, I was feeling good. Pily told us to go on without her. Nancy and I took off and I felt good. I felt fine until around mile 5. That's when I realized we still had a LONG way to go. I don't know if we started off too fast (it wasn't faster that we had been running on the weekends) or if not knowing the course was the problem, but it got harder and harder to keep going the farther we went. By mile 7 I had sworn to myself that I would NEVER do this again! By mile 10 I didn't think I would LIVE to do it again. From mile 10 to the end I was just focused on finishing. That was all I could think about. Nancy could have run faster than I did, but she stayed with me. For that, I am forever grateful.

I bought a 13.1 sticker the day before and I told myself that I could only display it on my car if I finished without walking. That $2 sticker was my motivation to finish the run. That sticker is what kept me moving. I know it sounds stupid, but that's what did it!

We finished in 2 hours and 6 minutes. Our official time is 2:06:20. My goal was to have a time right around 2 hours. I didn't make my goal, but I wasn't too far off. Overall, I am proud of my time. I just wish I could have finished a little stronger. It was rough at the end!

After we finished, we picked up our medals, a finisher t-shirt, some drinks and fruit and waited to reunite with Pily. She wasn't too far behind us, so she found us pretty quickly. After picking up our bags we went out to find Drew and the kids. At this point I told Nancy and Pily that I would NEVER do that again. There was no way they were going to talk me into running another one.

When we got home and showered I sat down and felt sick. I have felt this way after all the long runs. I don't know why I feel like that, but I do. It is a nauseous, dizziness, head-achey, shaky, feverish feeling. It goes away after several hours, but until it does I just feel horrible. This is the worst part and I KNOW it's coming every time. Maybe I am doing something wrong. I don't know.

So, a day after the run, I can't say that I will NEVER do another one. I think I MIGHT like to do ONE a year. I would also like to do some shorter runs (5k's 10k's) throughout the year to better prepare for a half-marathon. I need to learn how to pace myself and how to better prepare my body for a long run like a half-marathon. I don't want to do another one any time soon, though!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Through all of this training I have to say that Drew has just been the best husband. He has been very supportive of me and has let me do what I need to do to train. On the days when I came home from a long run feeling sick he let me stay in bed as long as I needed to. He would even bring me food in bed and he took care of the kids so I wouldn't have to. I know this has been hard on him and I really appreciate all of his support. I love you, Sweetie!

Reason #1,398,387 Why I Should NEVER Cook

2010-11-29T18:30:00.003-06:00

Drew is coaching a basketball game tonight, so it is my night to cook. My kids LOVE egg salad, so I choose to make this often when it is my night. When we get home, I put the eggs on to boil while I give Addison a bath. Then I decide to make some fruit salad to go with it. (Yes, I have read that Dr. Oz recommends eating fruit on an empty stomach, but I still like to have it with a meal.) I cut up some apples, add some Mandarin oranges, open a can of fruit cocktail (in lite syrup), cut up some bananas and sections a couple of grapefruit. I like to mix canned fruit with fresh fruit because it makes it sweeter and takes less time. I usually add some coconut and chopped pecans, too. Anyway, after I sectioned the grapefruit I put the remnants in the garbage disposal. Citrus makes the disposal smell good. I let it run for a minute or before I realized my feet were getting wet. I began yelling, "NO, NO, NO!" trying to get the water to stop coming out from under the sink. I came to my senses and turned the water off, but it just kept coming. I opened the cabinet under the sink and it looked like the sink had vomited grapefruit~ a rather LARGE grapefruit. The pulp and rind was on EVERYTHING under the sink and in the water that was filling the kitchen floor. Apparently, the pipe that connects the sink to the garbage disposal shook loose from all the disposing of the grapefruit. I just wanted to cry. Or crawl in bed. Or leave. Or eat a bunch of chocolate. But, I didn't. I put my big girl panties on and started to clean it up. Well, after I took a picture of it with my phone and text it to Drew and said that this is why I should NEVER have to cook. The boys brought me every old towel in the garage and I began cleaning up the mess. And what a mess it was. Right now the kitchen rugs and ALL the towels from the garage are in a heap in the back yard. I don't even know where to begin cleaning all of that up. Drew should be home soon to help me or, hopefully, do it for me. This just proves to me that I shouldn't cook ever again. Something ALWAYS happens when I am in the kitchen. Now where is that chocolate...

Not Really Sure How to Title This One!

2010-11-28T17:08:00.003-06:00

Clearly I am not very good at keeping up with my blog. I have great intentions, then they go away! I am on Facebook a lot, so that has taken up a lot of my blogging time. I will try to do better. Now for a funny little story. You may think it is TMI, so consider this your warning! :0)

This morning Addie was calling me from the bathroom. I knew she wanted me to wipe her butt. She usually does it herself, but there are times when she feels like she needs a little assistance. I did the deed and she jumped off the potty. She looked down and said, "That's a big family." I replied, "Addison, that is NOT a family." She looked up at me and said, "Yes, it is. It is the Poop Family." Then I sent the Poop Family on their merry way!

30 Days of Truth~ Day 5

2010-11-17T12:34:00.002-06:00

Day 5~ Something you hope to do in your life.

I could say travel or visit far away lands, but what I really hope to do in my life is retire! I have a great job, I have great friends at work, I get the summers off, I get to play with kids and have fun with them I get a pay check every month and I get to have my own kids at school with me. But I really hope that I will get to enjoy retirement one day. I didn't start working until I graduated high school (unless you count the month I worked at Six Flags when I was 16!) and I have been working ever since. I enjoy working for the reasons mentioned above, but, frankly, I'm tired! My body is tired. My mind is tired. I so look forward to the day when my biggest decision of the day is whether I want to actually get dressed or stay in my pajamas all day! I know everyone plans on retiring, but not everyone gets to do it. I just hope I make enough of the right decisions now so I can actually retire one day and enjoy it.

30 Days of Truth~ Day 4

2010-11-14T16:26:00.002-06:00

Day 4~ Something you have to forgive someone for.

I can't really talk about the details, but I have to work on forgiveness daily. I was hurt very badly by someone in the past and I have yet to get over it. It may be because I was never apologized to by this person. I know that even though I may NEVER receive an apology, I must still forgive. I know it is holding me hostage. I know I won't have a good/honest relationship with this person until I forgive. Most of the time I do okay, but I have days where I relive the whole experience. I still have some (some days a lot) of resentment, but I think it is getting better. I'm sure time will help. I know this person wants to be in my life and wants to have a relationship with me and my family, so I have the desire to forgive. I know with time and with lots of prayer it will be made right. How is that for vague!

30 Days of Truth~ Day 3

2010-11-06T17:16:00.002-05:00

Day 3~ Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Again, I have so many. First and foremost, I must forgive myself for not being a good daughter. Oh, how selfish I was growing up (and still struggle with). I only thought of myself and didn't really care about what was going on with other people. My mom and I didn't see eye to eye on very many things. I know now (since I am a mother) that she was just looking out for my best interest, but I didn't know that then. Then, I just thought she was trying to take the fun out of everything and I showed my resentment by being mean, rude and hurtful. How I wish I could take back all the mean, hurtful, disrespectful things I did. I know I can't take them back. I can't even ask my mom for forgiveness since she is no longer here, but I also know that I have to forgive myself. If I knew then what I know now, I certainly would have acted differently. But, the truth is, I did what I did and have had to live with the consequences~ guilt, shame, being shunned by family, etc. I know I can't take it back, but I can move forward. To move forward, I must forgive myself. I can only hope and pray that I will have open communication with my own children, so they won't have to go through some of the things I did. I will say that I have learned from my mistakes and really think about how my actions will affect others before I act. That doesn't mean that I still don't make mistakes, I am human. But, I am more aware of my actions and how they affect others than I was when my mom was still here. Mother/daughter relationships are difficult at best, but mine and my mom's was more than difficult. I said things just to hurt her and did things to her just to make her mad. I am not proud of these things and know that some people still hold these things against me, but I must forgive myself to move forward. I know I am a different person than I was just a few short years ago and will hopefully grow even more as the years pass. So, although I am ashamed of my past behavior, I must forgive myself. Hopefully, my mom knew I loved her and felt my love from time to time. This truth stuff is hard! :0)

30 Days of Truth~ Day 2

2010-11-02T17:55:00.002-05:00

Okay, I should have seen this one coming. I thought about not doing this one, but then I would be a quitter after one day. I have more pride than that!

Day 2~ Something you love about yourself

I can think of a million things I don't like about myself, but finding something I love about myself is hard. I know most of us are like that. We don't want to sound boastful or anything, so we usually just talk about the things we don't like about ourselves.

I love that I am a child of God. I know that I know that I know I will see heaven one day. I know (and love) that I have been saved by a loving God and I don't have to worry about where I will spend eternity. I also know that I will see my sister and mom one day because they were Christians too. I love that, although I am unlovable, my God loves me no matter what~ flaws and all. I love that I have peace and reassurance about this daily.

On a different note, I love that I can laugh at myself. I mess up DAILY and I can usually laugh at myself about it. I am SO not perfect and I mess up A LOT, so I think the ability to laugh at myself comes in handy! :0) I try not to take myself too seriously. I like to laugh and since I mess up so much I might as well laugh at myself!

I love that I love with my whole heart, also. This may hurt at times, but in the end I know that loving fully is so worth it.

What do you love about yourself?

30 Days of Truth

2010-10-30T14:47:00.002-05:00

I am copying this from another blog I read. She may not do this for 30 consecutive days, so I will just follow her lead and post when she does.

Day 1~ Something you hate about yourself.

There are several, but I will try to pick just one (or two!). I cry easily. Happy, sad, angry, overwhelmed, exhausted, embarrassed, nervous or frustrated all result in crying. Talking about my kids or any kids for that matter can bring on the tears, too. Just THINKING about my family makes my nose burn and eyes water. I will cry during TV commercials, too. Just today I watched Cougar Town and cried at the end when Courtney Cox was talking with her dad. If I see someone else crying, I cry. If I listen to music, I cry. I have told Drew many times that if there was one thing I could change about myself it would be that I cry way too easily. He, being the wonderfully supportive husband that he is, has told me that it is something he loves about me. He may love it, but I hate it. Just sitting here typing about this is making me tear up! For as long as I can remember, I have been this way. I guess I am just overly sensitive. I have tried to accept that this is the way God made me, but it is still embarrassing when I tear up for no apparent reason. I don't want to make people uncomfortable around me, so I try to hold it in as best as I can. I guess this is just something I will have to continue to live with.

The next thing I hate about myself is that if I am afraid I will fail at something I won't try it. I don't like to fail~ who does, right?! I know I have held myself back from some things because I am afraid of failure. I know this is just part of my insecurities (I have MANY), but it is still hard to overcome.

So, there you have it, two things I HATE about myself. I don't hate myself, there are just some things that I wish were different. What do you hate about yourself?

Progress

2010-10-20T08:24:00.002-05:00

I have debated about blogging about this for a few weeks now, but I have decided to just go ahead and do it. If nothing else, it will be documentation for me that this truly did occur in my life!

I started doing Weight Watchers Online about mid-summer. I knew it would work because I have seen it work on other people. I didn't think I would last very long, though. I love to eat! I knew it would be hard to make the necessary sacrifices to lose weight. I am not terrible over weight, but I am heavier than I want to be (aren't we all!). My goal was/is to lose 20 pounds. So far, I have managed to lose 11. It has come off very slowly. Eleven pounds in three and a half months is not much to brag about, but at least it is coming off and not coming on! :0) I won't say I never stray from Weight Watchers, because I do. I'm sure it would come off a lot faster if I stuck with the program exactly, but I would like to enjoy life (and food) a little bit!

I also started training for a half marathon about six weeks ago. This is something I NEVER thought I would do. Running is just not my thing, but I decided to give it a go. I, along with a friend and my little sister, signed up to do the White Rock half marathon in December. Right now the training is going well. I run at the gym two days a week and do a long run on the weekends. I am also still strength training four days a week and doing some cross training two days a week. The last two weeks we have run eight miles on our long runs. Our average time per mile was just under 9 minutes per mile. Not too shabby, I guess. I don't really have anything to compare it to, though! This Saturday we will run 9 miles and I hope we can maintain the same pace. My original goal was to just finish the half marathon without walking, but I think I am going to have a time goal as well. We'll see how the rest of the training goes. I think I have six weeks left before race day.

So, with all this watching what I am eating and extra running going on I have managed to lose 11 pounds, but I have also gone down a size in my clothes. I have lost several inches all over my body (I took measurements before starting) and I am finally able to see a difference in my clothes. I still have days where I feel totally "fat," but those days are getting fewer and farther apart. I hope I can finally beat this horrible "fat trap" that I have been in. I really want to be comfortable with the body I have been given and don't want to obsess over every little thing I put in my mouth. It is a struggle, but I am hopeful that I can rise above it. Until then, I will continue to run and will try to do my best to eat healthy food each day.

Pictures

2010-10-17T16:28:00.002-05:00

We have been VERY busy this week and last week and the week before that, well, you get the idea. So, I am just going to post some pictures I have taken lately. Enjoy!

Searching for Balance

2010-10-06T15:30:00.003-05:00

Today I just needed some time to be still and quiet. I finished with my last class at school and the boys were in my office with me. They were doing what all kids do when they are together~ talk, make noise, touch each other, argue, etc... As I was sitting there trying not to lose it with them, it dawned on me~ I don't have any time during the day that I am able to just sit in silence. At the gym in the mornings there is music blaring. At home someone always needs something. At school, 400 someones need something. In the evenings we are making dinner (Yes, I make dinner sometimes!), taking baths, doing homework, getting ready for the next day, etc. Yes, I am thankful that I am able to go to the gym, spend time with my kids, have a job, cook dinner and do homework. I am just craving some time to sit in silence and rest, reflect and maybe breathe a little. When my life is hectic for long periods of time I feel myself coming unraveled. I feel like that right now. I need some time where I don't HAVE to do anything. I need some time with no responsibilities. Please tell me other people feel the same way. I don't want it to seem like I am ungrateful for all I have been given. I am so very thankful. How do you find the right balance? I am searching for that right now.

October

2010-09-30T19:24:00.005-05:00

Tomorrow is October 1st. I have always loved October. I love the weather, football season and the fact that my birthday is in October. (It's the 18th in case you were wondering!) Growing up I would tell every one that I had a "Birth Month" and not just a birthday. I hoped it would bring me more gifts, but it didn't!

I don't love October as much as I used to. Six years ago on October 1st my mom died. (I blogged about it here a couple of years ago.) Her body wasn't found until October 3rd, so that date is her official date of death. We know she died on the first, though. She was wearing the clothes she had on at work on October 1st. One of her friends had driven home with her that day and confirmed this. So, even though her head stone says October 3, 2004 we know it was really on October 1, 2004 that she took her last breath.

I think of her all the time and still have the urge to pick up the phone and call her. I know one day I will see her again. I know that she was proud of me and loved my boys like no other grandmommy ever could. I know she knew I was taken care of and she was comforted by that.

I am thankful that my mom didn't suffer when she died. She had, evidently, lay down on her bed to take a nap after work and she never woke up. I imagine she never knew she was about to take her last breath and that she was completely peaceful when the life went out of her. There was no sign of a struggle and no indication that she suffered in any way. In that I take comfort.

Mothers and daughters have a dynamic relationship and ours was no different. I was not always the best daughter. I was not always patient. I didn't always say kind words. I didn't always show my appreciation for how hard she worked and the sacrifices she made raising two girls as a single mother. I haven't always been good at sharing my feelings and showing affection, but, I know for a fact that my mom knew I loved her.

So, even though October is a tough month for me now I will try to enjoy my "birth month" as much as I can. I know my mom would want me to do that.

My Super Sweet Son

2010-09-28T15:07:00.001-05:00

Me: Eww. I took off all my makeup and I don't look so hot.

Jackson: But you are.

Could he be any sweeter?

Our Weekend

2010-09-26T13:13:00.004-05:00

********If you are reading this and expecting to find great writing skill, you are going to be very disappointed! I am just writing to chronical the things that happen in our lives. I am no writer~ never have been and never will be. Read if you want!********

Friday I took off work to go to a funeral. One of my grandmother's brothers died last Sunday. My grandmother hasn't been feeling well lately and I wanted to see her. With school starting and all that goes along with that I haven't been able to get away. So, Friday I made the time. I knew seeing Addison would make her feel better, too, so I took her with me. She didn't know we were coming. I wanted it to be a surprise. She doesn't get too many surprises these days. I didn't take a change of clothes or anything to spend the night because I didn't want to be tempted to stay. I really didn't think they felt up to having company, so I didn't take a thing. I was glad I did this, because I would have stayed the weekend otherwise. I love it up there.

We left around 6:30 Friday morning which was about 30 minutes later than I had planned. I knew it would take 3 1/2 -4 hours to get to Broken Bow, so we didn't have any time to play with. I had to call them when we got to Honey Grove because I didn't think we were going to make it by the time the funeral started (10:00). She seemed genuinely surprised when I told her we were on our way. It was 8:30 when I called her and she didn't think we would be there in time either. I told her we would try our best to get there and that if we were late we would just slip in the back. We drove like crazy and didn't stop to even go to the restroom. We pulled up to the church just as the family was walking in at 9:59! We made it.

Addison went right to my grandparents and they were pleased as punch to have her sit with them. I was worried about her talking during the service, but she didn't make a peep. She and I talked about what was going to happen and I tried to tell her what a funeral was and what she would see and hear. She did great and I was very proud of her. At the grave site she sat with my grandmother and didn't make a sound there, either.

The church had lunch for the family and Addie enjoyed putting on a show for my grandparents! Of course, she wouldn't talk to any body else who tried to talk to her, but she talked to my grandparents and made them happy. My grandmother's aunt was there and tried to play around with Addie. I think she is 98 years old and seemed to enjoy "bugging" Addison. Addie didn't seem to mind, but when we left she said, "That old lady pulled my hair!" We hated to leave, but my grandmother was getting tired and needed to go home.

On the ride home Addie took a nap. It rained on us off and on the whole way. It took a little longer to get home because I didn't drive as fast through the rain. We were tired but very glad we went and even happier when we pulled into the driveway!

Saturday Nancy came over for our long run. It started raining as soon as she got there but we decided to run in the rain. We had a good time running and talking. We ran 6 miles in 56:16. Next week we are scheduled to run 7 miles. It has been fun having a running buddy. I never thought I would enjoy running with someone, but I really do. It makes the time go by so much faster. I feel like I am holding Nancy back because she runs faster than I do, but she says I am not. So, we will continue to train and keep our sites on our run date~ December 5th.

Later that afternoon I had an appointment to get my hair cut and colored. I have been trying to grow it out for the last 6 months or so. I decided to go a little darker with my color. Veronica added some red to it and I really like it. I always enjoy getting my hair done and spending some time alone without kids!

After my hair appointment I had an appointment to donate blood. I started donating three years ago when my dad was in the hospital having his by-pass surgery. They were having a blood drive that day and I have been donating ever since. It is something easy to do that can help save some one's life. This time, however, it was more painful than usual. I thought I was just being a wimp and didn't say anything about it hurting while the needle was still in my arm. When the needle was taken out of my arm I noticed that it was swelling and painful. A couple of people who worked there also commented on the color of my blood. It was very red compared to another bag of blood they held up next to it. I didn't really think anything about this. I don't see bags of blood every day so I don't know what is normal and what is not. They briefly wondered if the girl who stuck me had hit an artery instead of a vein, but decided that I didn't bleed fast enough to indicate they hit an artery. They still seem a little concerned, though.

I didn't say anything about the pain and went to eat my cookies and drink my water. (It's also a good excuse to have some cookies! I always get the Nutter Butters! I love those!) After standing there for just a minute I started to feel light headed and my arm started to hurt more. I showed my arm to Matthew, the guy who finished my draw, (I was his PE teacher many years ago when he was in elementary school. He is usually the one who draws my blood, but this time another person did it and he finished up with me.) asked if this was normal. It had never happened to me before. He got a strange look on his face and had me sit back down. He called a couple of people over to look and they seemed very concerned. I told them I was a little light headed and they raised my feet up. They started rushing around and this kind of scared me. They determined that the girl that stuck me went through my vein and blood was leaking out of the back of the vein. Whatever, I just knew it hurt and was swelling quite a bit.

Matthew got an ice pack and put it on my arm. He held it there for about 10 minutes putting constant pressure on my arm. He told me what to expect over the next few days (pain, bruising, tenderness) and got me some hot and cold packs to take home. When they determined that I was okay to leave, they sent me on my way.

In the car I called Drew. At this point my arm was so swollen I couldn't bend it to hold the phone up to my ear. I also had some waves of light-headedness as I drove home. Throughout the evening it became more and more sore. I kept ice on it for a little while and wrapped it up to keep some pressure on it. It was achy throughout the night and it starting to bruise some. It is very tender. I know it is going to be fine, but it may be tender for a while.

I haven't felt so great today. I don't think it has anything to do with my arm. I think I am just tired and worn out. We stayed home from church today and I went back to bed for a couple of hours. Hopefully I can get rested up today for the week. Life doesn't stop just because I am tired! :0)

So, that is how our weekend has gone so far. Right now the Cowboys are playing and actually winning, so I am going to go watch the rest of the game! Have a great week!

In Full Swing

2010-09-22T12:59:00.004-05:00

School is in full swing and I am feeling it! I don't have the time (or energy) to do ANYTHING when I get home, so this blog has dropped way down on the priority list. We go home, take baths, make dinner, do homework and try to talk to each other a little bit before it is time to go to bed and do it all over again. Drew is gone on Monday and Tuesday evenings with football games and he doesn't get home until close to six on the other nights. I try to be in bed by 8:00 because I get up so early in the mornings. I know, I know, that is SOOOO early, but I have to try to get 7-8 hours of sleep each night or I can't make it through the next day. I have tried to stay up until 9:00, but I just can't. I know where I am weak and sleep is one of those places, so I just try to deal with it the best I can. I really don't have anything interesting or important to say, but I felt like I needed to post so my dad won't text me with a reminder! :0) Have a great day!

Dinner

2010-09-13T18:23:00.002-05:00

Drew made a YUMMY brisket yesterday and we had lots left over. On the way home today I was trying to think of something I could make for dinner that was quick. I decided to chop up some of the brisket and heat it with some bar b que sauce. Yes, I am a genius, thank you. I cut up some watermelon, also. So, for dinner we had chopped brisket sandwiches, watermelon, pretzels (always need something crunchy!) and some left over corn and black bean relish. Addison and Jackson made some chocolate chip and pecan cookies (break and bake). While we were eating Bryson said, "Wow, Mom, you actually made something that tastes good." Was that a compliment?!?

Jackson and Addison were so cute "making" their cookies. Jackson set the temperature on the oven and got out the cookie sheet. Both of them had fun tearing the cookies apart and placing them on the cookie sheet. Addison opened the oven door and Jackson put the cookie sheet in the oven. (Don't worry, I was supervising the whole time.) Jackson set the timer and Addison pushed start. They were so proud of themselves and really felt like they "made" cookies! It was cute to see them working together.

This has turned into a bunch of random thoughts.

2010-09-12T11:22:00.003-05:00

I had a great Saturday. I took the kids to the gym with me so I could go to my kickboxing class. Drew had to go give a scouting report, so they couldn't stay with him. That is okay, though, because they love going to the gym! Before I left Drew told me to just relax when we got home. He said he would clean the house. I am not one to disobey :0) so I followed his orders! When he got home he surprised me with a gift certificate for a mani/pedi. He wanted me to go yesterday, but I really didn't even want to leave the house. He started cleaning and I went outside to watch Addison play. We ate lunch and he went to get groceries. Addison went to her room to watch a movie and I went outside to read a magazine. The boys played in their rooms. After dinner (Drew ordered take-out from a Chinese food place.) I plopped down on the couch for some foot-rubbin'! I went to bed early with the help of two Simply Sleeps! What a great day! I wish every Saturday could be like that!

I slept for a little while and then couldn't sleep at all. I tossed and turned all night long. I guess my body can't take too much of a good thing!

Today Drew is making brisket. We plan on hanging out around the house all day watching football. I just wish it was a little cooler so it would feel like football season.

I think I mis-counted my "Days until Summer 2011" a couple of weeks ago. I am pretty sure the correct number is 254 as of today. So sorry if I have disappointed anyone! I put a counter on my side bar, but it just shows months, weeks and days. I will occasionally post the number of days in my updates because months just seem so long.

This has turned into a bunch of random thoughts, but I will just keep on going!

One of my good friends had her first baby last Monday. He is just beautiful and I can't wait to watch him grow. Welcome to the world, Baby Jack!

Jackson has learned to ride his bike like a pro. He loves to ride and asks every day if he can go ride his bike. Drew bought them helmets yesterday, so I feel better about their safety. Now we just need to teach them to stay out of the way of cars. They think they own the road and that the cars should move for them.

Tomorrow starts our "official" day of training for our half-marathon. It is really no different than what we have been doing. We are just going to add a long run day to our week. We run in 12 weeks and I hope I am ready! I have never run that far, so I am a little nervous that I won't be able to run the whole thing. That is my goal~ run the whole thing without walking.

I guess that is all for now. I am ready to relax the day away, again!

2010-09-06T15:54:00.002-05:00

It's Labor Day and I don't feel like "laboring," so I am going to update with bullet points!

We finished our second week of school. I had one BAD day, but I am determined to stay out of the funk I let myself get into last year. I pulled my big girl panties on and got over it! Here's hoping I can do that every time I have a bad day.
It's a holiday weekend and I am LOVING it!
Saturday I went running and didn't feel like I was going to die. The weather was beautiful at 7:30 in the morning and I was able to do 5 miles. Later, I took a nap on the couch while Drew rubbed my feet~ pure bliss! Around 4:00, we went to Drew's mom's house for our second annual Simmons' Back to School Blast. We had fun playing games, eating and hanging out. We stayed until 8:00 or so.
Sunday we decided to clean the blinds, window sills and baseboards. Then I painted the baseboards. I did most of them a while back and just finished what I didn't get to before. I also painted our fireplace. It was already white, I just repainted it. It was looking pretty dirty.
Today I went running again. It was a little windy, so I didn't run as fast. That's okay, though, I can't be "on" every time I run. I also got on the scale today and found that I have lost 10 pounds since the beginning of July! I have worked really hard at losing weight, so I have been waiting for the -10 pounds mark. I finally made it! I have 10-15 more to go. I am going to try to get it off before we run our half-marathon in December.
We took the kids to the park. Addison and I played on the playground while Drew and the boys played baseball. There was another dad and his son playing, so they asked Drew if they wanted to join them.
We went to Wal-Mart to get new inner tubes for the boys' bikes. Jackson has learned to ride his without training wheels and did a great job learning to turn around today. Last week (on trash day) he was using the neighbors trash cans to stop! Now he knows how to use his brakes and turn around. There is no stopping him now!
Drew is grilling BBQ chicken tonight. I can't wait to eat. I am so HUNGRY! I haven't eaten much today so I can eat A LOT tonight!
Addison will try a gymnastic class tomorrow. One of the little girls at Miss Linda's goes to gymnastics and we are going to see if Addison will participate with her there. We are going to a free trial class, so I am not making a commitment yet. She has been talking about and seems excited, but she's three and can change her mind and mood without a moments notice!
Drew has his first middle school football game tomorrow. The craziness is about to begin. It doesn't help that I have signed up to lead a running club two days a week at school. I am determined to have a good attitude about working after school this year and not let busyness get me down. I will just have to put things in perspective and realize that most things that seem to go "wrong" really aren't big deals. How's that for being really vague!
I have to go look in the oven now, Drew is baking rolls and they smell scrumptious!

Week One is over!

2010-08-29T16:09:00.004-05:00

So, the first week of school is over. It is always good to get that first week out of the way. We reviewed rules and expectations, practiced some procedures and learned some new games. Now the real work can begin. By Friday, I was EXHAUSTED, though. I was in bed each night before 8:00. I know what you are asking. How do you get everything done at home and get in bed by 8:00? Let's just say that I have an AWESOME husband who does everything within his power to make sure I have very little to take care of during the evenings. The kids are at good ages, too. They help clean up the kitchen after dinner and can help do other things around the house. When they start having homework it will get a little tougher, but we can do it. We just have to work together and I have to not get so worked up about having everything in my house "perfect" all the time. Why, yes, I think I am growing up. Thanks for noticing! :0)

I am back to getting up at 4:00 in the morning to go to the gym. I meet a friend/co-worker there and we work out together every week day. We even take a kickboxing class together on Saturdays. In the next couple of weeks we are going to start training for a half-marathon. We are running in December, so we are going to be on a 12 week training schedule. We run three days a week right now, but we are going to have to make one of our running days a long-run day. Also, right now we run on the treadmill at the gym in the mornings. Running outside is a completely different running experience than running on a treadmill. We are going to run outside on our long-run days. That way we can still run/workout in the mornings, but get some outside running in on the weekends. My goal is just to finish the half-marathon. I am, by no means, trying to compete with anyone but myself.

Football season has started and I am starting the season with a better attitude than I did last year. Hopefully my good attitude will carry me through November. This year it helps that Drew's school starts 30 minutes later than the elementary schools. He is able to take Addison to Miss Linda's in the mornings. This cuts my morning commute almost in half. I am very thankful that he is able to do this for me. It has helped out TREMENDOUSLY!

Those are just a few of my thoughts from this week. I am hoping to update at least once a week now. I don't even know if anyone reads this anymore besides my dad, but that is okay. At least he will know what is going on with us!

Oh, and for those who are counting down with me: only 267 more days until Summer 2011!

Another Year and Some Random Thoughts

2010-08-22T17:53:00.005-05:00

Tomorrow starts another school year. I have always loved the first day of school. When I was little I had trouble sleeping the night before the first day. Now I just take a little sleep aid to ward off any anxious thoughts! :0) I love the promise a new year brings and I love that the kids are on their best behavior at the beginning of the year.

Bryson will start 5th grade this year and Jackson will be in 1st grade. This will be the last year Bryson is in school with me. I have enjoyed being with him each day and watching him grow as a student. It's not always fun being his PE teacher, but that's a small price to pay to have him at the same school with me.

Addison will be in school in two more years. She so wants to go to school NOW. She knows when she turns 5 she will get to go to school and have her own teacher and a desk. She says she wants to go to ballerina school, so I may need to brush up on some ballerina techniques to teach her in PE in a couple of years! I am so amazed at how fast time is moving. I know it just makes me sound old, but time just seems to go by faster and faster every day!

I didn't do a very good job making the boys read over the summer, so we will see how much they have regressed. I know, I know, I should have MADE them read a little every day, but we were just too busy having fun to stop and read! Judge me if you will, but we thoroughly enjoyed our summer. We may just have to play catch up for a few weeks. It was totally worth it! :0)

We had our No Technology Tuesdays for several weeks until Drew finished summer school. That worked out well. It was harder on me than it was on the kids to stay away from the TV and computer. We played games and actually talked to each other on those days. We even read some. Does that make me a better mom in your eyes? Oh, who am I kidding, you know what kind of mom I am!

This year I am planning on spending less time on the computer after work. I don't know how ofter I will blog. I am planning to clean one room every evening after work so we don't have to spend a couple of hours on Saturday cleaning the house. I will let you know how that goes.

I am going to try to have a better attitude this year than I did last year. I got really down and depressed last year. It lasted for several weeks and I don't want that to happen this year. It is no secret that football season is hard on me. Drew knows this and he tries to make things as easy for me as he can. Football requires a lot of his time and he is gone at least three nights a week. I am basically a single parent most of the time and that is hard. I don't see how my mom managed to raise two girls by herself all those years. I would not wish single parenthood on anyone. It is NOT a fun job. Anyway, I am going to work really hard on my positive attitude and see if I can make it through this year better than I did last year. I barely survived last year. It was BAD.

Hopefully, I will be able to report back in later this week and let you know how wonderfully the first week of school was. Until then, have a great week!

2010-08-21T18:02:00.004-05:00

Made my breakfast
Packed some extra clothes for the kids for Meet the Teacher night
Took my staff shirt to school to wash it because I forgot to wash it the night before
Took Addie to Miss Linda's
Met me for lunch and had my lunch waiting for me when I got there
Drove back to my school after he was already home because I accidentally left my car key in the bag he took home for me
Went to WalMart after I got home to pick up some "stuff" that I needed DESPERATELY
While at WalMart he picked up some things for school that I mentioned needing
Brought home some ice cream (Blue Bell Blackberry Cobbler in case you were wondering!)

These are most of the things Drew did for me on Thursday. I don't know what I would do without him.

Perfect Day

2010-08-14T18:52:00.003-05:00

I think today was about as perfect as a day can get. I went to my kickboxing class this morning without having to take the kids to the kids club at the gym. While I was gone, Drew cleaned the house, changed the sheets and did the laundry. When I got home I took a long, hot bath~by myself (Yes, this is rare! Usually, Addison has to join me and that is anything but relaxing!). Then Drew went to the store to get our groceries for the week. We stayed home and ate lunch. After eating lunch, I took a nap on the couch while Drew rubbed my feet. Then he made homemade salsa and fajitas. Oh my goodness, it was SO yummy! Now, we are waiting for it to cool off a little bit so we can all go for a walk in the neighborhood. It doesn't get much better than this!

It's back to work on Monday, but I won't think about that right now. I don't want to ruin my perfect day.

Oh, yeah, only about 286 days until Summer 2011!

More Pictures!

2010-08-07T16:39:00.010-05:00

Pily is here for the weekend. She had an interview this week in Fort Worth, so she decided to stay the weekend and hang out. She and Addie have had a great time playing together. Pily is starting to see Addie's personality shine. She is one crazy girl! (Addie, not Pily!)

Friday we went to NRH2O for the day. I only got two pictures while we were there. I was too busy playing and trying to spend time with each of the kids separately. We had a good time. I hope to go back one more time before we have to return to work. I just wish Pily was here all the time to help me out!

Addison is becoming quite the little fish in the pool. She is essentially teaching herself how to swim. She can swim about 6-8 feet underwater by herself. About 3 weeks ago she realized she didn't need to be afraid of the water. Since then she has done great swimming. Of course, I am right there to help her if she needs it.

Last week we ventured up to Oklahoma to "The Pond." A couple of my cousins and their kids were there for a few days with us. My Aunt Pat was there, too. I did get some pictures of her, but she told me not to publish them! She was in her swimming suit so I totally understand. Just trust me that she was there with us!

This is a picture of my grandmother and Caitlin (my cousins' oldest daughter) on their back deck.

Grandmother and Addie.

Saturday we went to Broken Bow Lake. It is about 30-45 minutes from the pond. The water there was COLD! It is spring fed and was pretty chilly. It took us a while to get in.

Once they were in, they were good. My cousins' wife, Jo, swam around with the kids while I took some pictures. She was so good and patient with them. Maybe because her two kids had been with Nana all week! :0)

More swimming around.

Jackson

My grandmother hanging out at the lake. I think she had a good time watching the kids swim. We packed a cooler and had lunch out there, too.

Jackson caught a grasshopper. That will always make a little boy happy!

The water was so cold Addison didn't want to get in much. She spent most of her time playing in some water we put in a plastic tub.

The Relaxation Station!

Jackson and Cameron hanging out. They thought they were pretty cool with their shirts off!

Addie and Granddad. He read Cinderella to her over and over again. She loves her great-granddad!

Addie and Jackson fishing at the pond.

Jackson.

Addie.

Homemade ice cream! Yummy!

Hi Ya! Jackson being silly as only Jackson can be!

Taste test. Bryson is almost as tall as my grandmother. When did this happen?

Addie waiting for some more ice cream!

Drew. I'm sure he was happier than he appears in this picture. Why wouldn't you be happy at the pond?

My country girl.

Bryson climbing the rope. This is one of their favorite activities.

There, that's more like it!

My cute little girl posing for the camera.

Jackson and Grandmother on the four-wheeler. He can drive now when he has an adult with him. This is his absolute favorite thing to do. He feels so grown up when he is driving.

Addie, again.

Jackson climbing the rope. He wasn't too happy here. He made it to the top and got scared. We told him he had to find a way to get himself down. He made it, finally.

I just love the way Addie is looking at her daddy in this picture. I wish I could have known what they were talking about.

Fishing on the dock.

See, I was there too. Don't you just love my necklace Addie made me. I wore it proudly!

CHEESE!

We have had such a fun summer and I am sad to say that it is almost over. Why does it have to go by so quickly? We have one more week before we have to officially be back at work, but I'm afraid I am going to spend this next week gearing up for it.

Summer, you were great and I can't wait until we meet again in 296 days. But, who's counting!?!

July~ in pictures

2010-07-29T15:21:00.012-05:00

I don't know where July went, but I do have some pictures to prove that it was, in fact, here. Instead of trying to summarize everything that we have been doing, I am just going to post a bunch of pictures and comment about each one. It will be less wordy this way! :0)

We have spent a lot of time this summer watching the boys play baseball. After several rain-outs they finally got to play. Jackson loves playing and Bryson is starting to enjoy it. This is Bryson's first year to play, so he was a little behind some of his teammates.

Jackson hit a double in his last game. He is turning into a pretty good hitter! This is him running from second to third.

Bryson usually gets a hit or two in his games, too. This, of course, is his favorite part! In his last game he received the game ball. He was very excited about that and has displayed his ball proudly in his room.

Last Saturday, we left for San Antonio. Bryson took this picture of us at the Guenther House. It is a little restaurant right next to the Pioneer Flour Mill. They have the BEST cinnamon rolls and pastries EVER and I HIGHLY recommend going there if you are ever in San Antonio. Their other food is good, too. (They are only open for breakfast and lunch.)

I took this picture of Addison while we were waiting for a table at the Guenther House. It is just beautiful there.

Addie just waiting and being cute!

After we ate at the Guenther House we went to El Mercado and walked around a little bit. We have been there every time we have gone to San Antonio. We were trying to think of something to do after that and remembered passing a Dave and Busters on the way to breakfast. We knew the kids would enjoy playing video games and we would enjoy being someplace inside out of the San Antonio heat and humidity. While we were there two different people gave us their cards with tickets left on them. The tickets are used to redeem prizes. One card has almost 2,000 tickets on it and the other had over 500. With our tickets we one plus the two cards given to us we had almost 5,000 tickets! The kids had as much fun in the store as they did playing the games. All three got the suckers pictured above and some other things. Drew and I got four Dave and Buster glasses, because we are classy like that! Next time you come over, ask for a drink in one of our new glasses! :0)

After two nights in San Antonio, we drove to Medina Lake to stay at Drew's Aunt Jeannie and Uncle Wayland's house. All the cousins were there along with aunts and one uncle. (Sadly, Uncle David had to work.) Drew's mom (Gram) was there, too. Aunt Kelly bought water guns for every one. That was a lot of fun! She sure knows what the kids like! Thanks, Kelly!

This is Jackson swimming in the lake the first day we got there. They were a little unsure of the water because they have watched too many episodes of River Monsters. It didn't help that Drew and Matthew kept screaming like girls when the fish would try to nibble their moles off their backs! Gross, I know!

Jackson and Taryn took a raft ride in the lake. They were so cute paddling together.

Addison walking down to the lake from the house. She made it all the way down without shoes. It is very rocky and I know that had to hurt.

Landri swimming in the lake.

Kelly relaxing on the Relaxation Station. We had fun sitting on this talking and soaking up the sun. Thanks, Drew for buying this for us to use!

Drew swimming in the lake.

Landri, Aunt Jeannie and Addison. They just LOVED her. She sang songs to them and treated them like they were her own. Thanks, Aunt Jeannie for loving on them so much!

Jackson and Jarrett riding on the pontoon boat.

Jarrett.

Addison

ME!

Kian.

Addison and Landri. These two little girls really had a good time playing together.

Drew on the boat ride.

Uncle Wayland driving us around.

This is what the sky looked like when we were riding around in the boat. It was so pretty.

Jackson and Addison playing on the back deck.

Landri posing for a quick picture. She loves to have her picture taken.

I tried to get a picture of all of them, but I only managed to get 6 out of the 8.

All the adults~ Carrie, Matthew, Cheryl, Me, Drew, Aunt Jeannie, Uncle Wayland and Kelly.

On Tuesday, some of us ventured over to Bandera. We were driving around in a neighborhood and in a vacant lot we noticed a deer. She had a baby deer near her and as we were looking around we noticed 5 or 6 other deer in the same lot. I'm sure the neighbors thought we were crazy taking pictures of deer that they probably see all the time.

Bryson in the lake.

Carrie on the Relaxation Station.

I just love this picture of Jonathan! Something was pretty funny.

Kian on the Relaxation Station.

ME!

Kelly.

Addison fell asleep in Aunt Jeannie's lap. She just had too much fun that day!

Landri and Addison "helping" Aunt Jeannie make ice cream. She makes some good ice cream! Her Big Red ice cream is YUMMY!

Me with two sweet girls~ Addison and Landri.

This is the room Drew and I stayed in. It is so cute.

Addison on the boat.

Right before we left one of Drew's cousins showed up with his kids. He took some of them for a ride on a small sail boat. Jackson thought this was pretty cool!

We packed a lot of fun into four days! Summer is winding down and that makes me really sad. I have had a great time this year relaxing and spending time with family. We have one more trip planned before we have to be back, so be on the lookout for more pictures!

Pictures

2010-07-18T16:53:00.004-05:00

Before we left for church this morning I wanted to take some pictures of the kids. I told all three to look at me and, of course, this is what Addison did. A little defiant maybe? Uh, yeah. She and I have some rough years ahead of us. The funny (and not so funny) thing is she is just like I was. I know, I know, I am getting my pay-backs. My mom is definitely having a good laugh in heaven at this. Addison can be the sweetest little thing and turn right around a be a total mess. Unfortunately, I think I was the same way when I was younger!

Bryson, 10, Addison, 3, and Jackson, 6

This one really shows how big Bryson and Addison are getting. I think Addison may catch up with Jackson unless he hits a growth spurt soon.

Can't you just see the mischievous look in her eyes? Oh, I know that look all too well!

Me and my sweet kids. I love them so much and I feel blessed to call myself their mom.

Summer time

2010-07-16T15:38:00.003-05:00

Summer is in full swing and we have been doing a lot of this. We go to the pool or water park at least 2-3 times a week. The boys are doing great at swimming and Addie is starting to jump in if I will catch her. It takes her a while to warm up, but once she does she goes full-force.

I have caught myself counting down how many weeks until we have to go back to work~ four. It is going by way too fast. I am not ready for the school year to start. I know summer has to eventually come to an end, but not yet. I am going to enjoy my last four weeks!

We will swim some more. We will hang out and have fun. We will play some more baseball. We will do all we can to enjoy the time we have left before we have to get back to regular bed times and strict schedules.

Around here we love summer time and will enjoy it for as long as we can!

Insecure

2010-07-10T16:02:00.003-05:00

The title pretty much describes me. I am insecure. I try to act like I have it all together and I may even have some people fooled, but, when it comes down to it, I am pretty insecure. I have been this way most of my life. I question just about every decision I ever make and wonder if I made the right one. I compare myself to others who look like they have it all together, but I know they may just have me fooled, too!

I have been praying about this a lot lately, so hopefully God can help me out! Lord knows I don't know how to help myself out. I pray that God will use me however He wants to use me and that I will KNOW I am doing what He wants me to do. I know I don't have Him fooled! He knows me better than I do and knows how to use me best. I just pray that I am willing to do whatever He asks me to do.

Festivities and My Morning in Hell

2010-07-05T16:10:00.012-05:00

WARNING: There are a lot of pictures in this post and they aren't in order. Hey, it's summer and I am trying not to work too hard!

This weekend was a lot of fun. Saturday night we hung out with Cheryl and Dick (Drew's mom and Step-Dad), MeMe (Drew's grandmother), David and Kelly (Drew's older brother and his wife) and Jonathan and Jarrett (our nephews). We watched fireworks and talked. I enjoy hanging out casually and not having to worry about entertaining anyone. I wish we did this more often. Addison loved the "pow pows" and all the kids had a great time playing together.

Sunday evening we had all of Drew's family over for a cook out. Drew made hamburgers and everyone brought something munch on. Again, the kids had a great time playing together and I enjoyed talking and hanging out with sisters-in-law and the rest of Drew's family. We really need to have more of these times together. I don't think any of the kids argued the whole time either. That's pretty impressive considering there were 8 kids here ranging in age from 2-11.

They stayed until after dark so we could watch some more fireworks. We could see several shows off in the distance, but could only hear the ones that were going off in our neighborhood.

Landri

Addison and Landri

Landri, again. Isn't she just the cutest thing?

Taryn

Addison

Jackson

All the cousins~ Jackson, Taryn, Bryson, Jonathan, Addison, Landri, Jarrett and Kian

Bryson

Addison and Kian

Addison and Taryn

Addison

Landri

Kian

Landri and Addison

Addison

Addison and Uncle David

Addison and PaPaw

Jarrett and Jackson

Jonathan and Bryson

Kelly and David

MeMe and Addison

Addison giving me "the look."

My three~ Bryson, Jackson and Addison

Addison and me~ Yes, I posted a picture of me without make-up on. I am a brave woman!

I just realized I didn't get a picture of Cheryl or of Matthew and Carrie. I will try to get one the next time we see them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today I took the kids to the water park and, let me just say, it was HELL. First, Addie's Band-Aid came off her finger and she LOST IT! (I will tell you why she needed a Band-Aid in the first place later on, if you choose to keep reading!) Then, Jackson fell while RUNNING to the wave pool. Of course, I had little sympathy because he was running. They wanted to eat as soon as we got there (10:00). Bryson decided he didn't want the rest of his sandwich and threw it on the ground. Yes, on the ground. We were sitting not 15 feet from a trash can. I made him sit with me for 10 minutes because of that. We went to the lazy river and I was floating around with Addison on a double tube (She was crying and whining the whole time because the second Band-Aid I put on her came off in the water.) Bryson was hanging on, pushing us and ramming us into the wall and other floaters. He kept saying it was "an accident," but was proudly counting how many "crashes" we had, too. I texted Drew to come get Addie as soon as he finished up at work, but I couldn't wait that long. After two miserable hours of whining, crying, complaining, "crashing," littering and me about to lose it with my kids in a public place we left. On the way home I told the boys to take a shower and go to their seperate rooms. I told them I didn't want them to talk to me for a while, also. I put Addison in bed. I took a shower and went back to bed. I slept for three hours and now I am trying to forget this morning ever happened.

The Band-Aid Story:

Thursday evening I was giving Addison a bath. I had told her several times to get her hair wet so I could wash it. The last time I said it she decided to comply, but when she stepped back she slipped in the tub. She tried to grab on to the side of the tub to catch herself, but she grabbed my razor instead. She sliced the pad of her ring finger on her right hand and all hell broke loose. She was screaming and crying and I was trying to stop the bleeding. I could tell it was pretty deep, but I couldn't see through all the blood and through all her flailing around. I finally got a gauze bandage and first-aid tape on it. Each time she has taken a bath since that night or it has come off on its own, she freaks out. I'm sure it hurts and I'm sure it really scared her, but, my goodness, she just goes nuts! Drew told her tonight that the next time the Band-Aid comes off it is staying off. We think it needs to dry out and harden up so it will stop hurting. She will probably never touch a razor again and be one of those "all-natural" women when she grows up!

3 Years Old

2010-06-29T20:23:00.006-05:00

I didn't know I wanted a little girl until I met her. Since day one, she has made my heart happy. (I blogged about her birth story here if you want to read about it.) Sure she loves her daddy, but I know she loves me just as much. Addison has brought so much joy and spunk into our family in the last three years. Her brothers absolutely adore her. She can definitely hold her own with them and thinks they are pretty special, too. I'm sure we have some rough years ahead of us, but I know that she and I will have a special relationship. I know because I am going to make sure of it. I didn't have a very good relationship with my own mother and I don't want Addison and I to repeat that. I am determined to do things right.

Addison is funny and full of energy. She talks all day long unless someone is at our house. When we have people over it takes a while for her to warm up. She tells me she loves me about 20 times a day and gives lots of kisses. She loves to play dress-up, but can build a mean Lego tower, too. She loves to be around her brothers and will sneak in their rooms sometimes to sleep with them. She loves to look at herself in the mirror and likes to watch herself sing and dance. She has a wonderful deep belly laugh and can squeal like no other. She loves to wear dresses and can get down and dirty with the boys, as well. I have enjoyed watching her learn new things and love it when her eyes light up. Addison is a sweet girl with a lot of spunk and I couldn't have wished for a better addition to our family.

Happy birthday, sweet baby girl! We love you!