Tears and lots of them

The last week of school is always so emotional for me.  Yes, I am emotionally (and physically) tired, but it goes deeper than that.  I feel so much emotion seeing the kindergarten classes graduate up to first grade and 5th grade graduate out of elementary school.  My eyes and nose start burning just thinking about it!  I am a very empathetic person.  I really feel others' emotions.  I have trouble watching movies, reading books, talking about things that mean a lot to me because I feel so much.  It's exhausting!  I learned many years ago that I had to wear waterproof mascara every. single. day.  I rarely tell a story (funny, sad, upsetting) where I don't cry at some point.  I've often told Drew that if there was one thing I could change about myself it wouldn't be the size of my thighs or butt, it would be that I wouldn't feel things so deeply. 

This week is especially trying for me.  Addison will go to Miss Linda's for the last time tomorrow.  I've known this day would get here eventually, but didn't think it would be this hard.  She has been our babysitter for 12 years, but she is so much more than that.  She has been a friend, mentor, mother and counselor.  She has also been like a grandmommy to my kids when they lost theirs.  I am going to miss seeing her and hearing her crazy stories.  I know I can still go by and see her whenever I want/need to, but I know it's not going to be the same.  She has been a wonderfully caring Godly influence in my kids' lives. 

Last night I was going through some pictures trying to find some to send to her.  I ran across one of Bryson that I took on his first day at Miss Linda's.  I remember taking that picture not realizing how special it would be to me one day.  I sat at the computer last night with tears streaming down my face because the last 12 years have passed so quickly.  I know the days seem so long some times, but the years go by so fast.

I am so thankful to Miss Linda and the investment she so selflessly gave all three of our kids. She has taught me how to love unconditionally and that sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself.  I will never forget how she would give advice and it usually turned out to be spot on.  She would also say, "When you get them figured out, let me know."  She has raised so many kids and has learned that sometimes you just have to go with the flow. 

All this to say that if you see me this week you will probably notice my red nose and watery eyes. I have had tears brewing all week.  I am excited about having Addison at school with me next year (and not having a monthy daycare payment!), but I will miss the daily interaction with Miss Linda.

Perfectly Imperfect

I am officially a loser at blogging, but that will just go along with everything else I am a loser at. (See, I even ended a sentence with a preposition. I'm a loser at grammar.) I guess I am just having a mini pity party right now. There are so many things I want to be good at but just fall short. I have not been able to get the last bit of my weight off. This really bothers me. I am going to work really hard this summer to finally do it, but I have been a loser at it so far. The last little bit is definitely the hardest to get off. I just don't understand why I am holding myself back. It makes no sense at all. I am a loser at weight loss. Facebook makes me feel like a complete loser. I am about ready to deactivate it for good. I hate it when I find out someone has unfriended me. Even if I never see or talk to that person it still hurts my feelings and I end up questioning what I did to offend the person. I am a loser as a friend and at people liking me. Pinterest makes me feel like a complete loser. I probably need to stay away from it, too. I have no style, can't decorate my house, can't cook and can't coordinate the perfect party. I suck at those things, too. I am so ready for summer break and feel like I suck as a teacher. I have little to no patience with the kids (schools and my own) and am just flat out mean some days. It doesn't help when I am around negativity for hours on end either. I I just suck. My kids and Drew are at the park right now and I should be with them, but I was too involved in my pity party to go along. I suck as a mom. I hope that my attitude will be better once we are out of school and our lives slow down a little bit. I really am thankful for my husband, kids, job, friends who haven't unfriended me and the positive people in my life. I desire to be so many things, but I am just not. I guess I will just be perfectly imperfect. I won't suck at that~ maybe.