So, funny story...

Today didn't go as I had planned.  I should have known right off the bat that things would go awry.  I had a doctor's appointment this morning just for a yearly check-up.  After the appointment I was going to drive up to Oklahoma to spend the weekend with her.  Drew and the kids were staying at home. 

When I arrived at the doctor's office, the door was locked and the lights were off.  I called the office (They have 2 locations.) to check to make sure I hadn't misunderstood the appointment time and date I made THREE MONTHS AGO.  The receptionist told me they had tried to call, but the number listed wasn't a working number.  "That's funny," I told her, "I haven't had a new number in YEARS."  Anyway, the doctor wasn't in that day, so I would have to reschedule.  Whatever.  No big deal.  I could leave on my trip a little sooner. 

I stopped at a McDonald's to get something to eat and use the restroom.  (I couldn't eat before my appointment because I might weigh half a pound more!  Come on, Ladies, I know I'm not the only one who does that!)  I hesitated getting a large drink because I wanted to make the trip without stopping to use the restroom.  What the heck, I could make it!

I got on my way and was making good time.  I have driven to Oklahoma MANY times, but this time I was going to go a different, faster way.  We have come home that way recently, but have never gone that way.  Drew texted me the numbers of the highways, so I was set.

I made it to Atoka, Ok then Antlers.  I knew I would need to take another highway, but I thought it was 144 I was looking for.  After several minutes I started noticing signs for Broken Bow.  That's weird, I thought.  Why would people drive to Broken Bow this way???  After a couple more signs for Broken Bow I looked at my map app on my phone. Well, I had missed a turn somewhere around Antlers.  I rerouted my map and it showed that I could backtrack to Antlers and find the road I missed or I could continue on and go a different way.  I turned back at first, but then decided to go the new way.  It was about 30 miles shorter to just continue on.  It will be an adventure, I thought!

Unfortunately, by this time my tea had made it to my bladder and I needed to go~ real bad.  When you can feel the size and shape of your bladder, you need to go!  There was NO PLACE to stop.  NO PLACE I tell ya.  No towns, no gas stations, not even a shoulder on the side of the road at this point!  When I finally spotted a bridge with a decent shoulder I decided to just use my McDonald's cup.  What is a girl to do???  Pray no cars would pass me is what I did!  I tell you, my cup was (almost) overflowing.  Good thing I got the large!

I continued on my way checking my map often. I turned on my Pandora radio and was singing along.  My little blue dot was following the blue line just fine and I was getting close to my next turnoff~ County Road N4555.  I never saw a sign, but my little blue dot missed the turn, so I turned around and took the road that my phone showed I was suppose to take.  I thought it strange that the road didn't have a center line.  It didn't have white lines on the shoulders, either.  Strange, but I kept going.  The road started getting narrower and bumpier.  I kept going.  My Pandora kept cutting off and on.  I checked my gas gauge and had about 1/3 of a tank.  My blue dot was still on the blue line.  The paved road turned into a dirt road with rocks, lots of rocks.  In fact, there were more rocks than dirt.  Now my phone said "searching."  Um, okay, I'll keep going.  My dot WAS on the blue line the last time I had cell service and I hadn't turned off anywhere, so I should still be going in the right direction.  I kept driving, but realized I hadn't heard Pandora for several minutes.  My gas gauge now read just over 1/4 full.  (Why does the last 1/4 go so quickly???)  I saw NO SIGNS at all on this road.  NONE.

I finally saw a sign.  It read "Crowsfoot Junction" and split off in four directions.  I kind of laughed and thought this would make a funny post for my blog.  I even took a picture of the sign.  Huh, which one do I take???  Check my map.  No service.  Well, I'll just take the middle(ish) one. I still think I am going in the right direction.  Surely I will see a sign or find a place to ask for help.  I kept driving~slowly.  I couldn't go more than about 15-20 MPH on these roads.  They were that rural and rocky.  Pandora would come on for a few seconds at a time and then go silent for several minutes.  During one of the quiet times I heard a PSSSSSSS.  Oh. My. Goodness. I knew exactly what that sound was.  I kept saying, "NO, NO, NO, NO, NO," as if that could make it stop.  Then my tire pressure light came on.  Oh. My. Goodness.  No cell service, no idea where I was, 1/4 tank of gas and I needed to pee again.  It had been at least 30-45 minutes since the paved road turned into rocky road. 

I stopped the car and started to cry. I checked my phone and it said "searching" then it would show one bar.  I got out the owner's manual and looked up how to change the tire.  Needless to say, I had never changed a tire.  Heck, I didn't even know where the spare tire was!  When one bar was showing, I called Drew hoping to get through.  He answered and I just started crying harder.  I'm sure I freaked him out.  I decided to just suck it up and try to change the tire.  I kept Drew on speaker phone until it would cut out and he would call back.  I worked and worked until I finally got the old tire off and the new tire on.  That is a story in and of itself.  It's not easy to do and even harder on a dirty, rocky road in the middle of nowhere.  During all of this Drew had me get on MapMyRun so he could try to find me with the LiveTracking feature.  After a while he was able to see where I was. 

The phone kept disconnecting and we would call each other back.  One time when one of us called the other he told me that he had contacted one of my granddad's friends (Bill) who was going to try to come find me.  I had no landmarks other than the "Crowsfoot Crossing" sign and it was made out of wood and not an official highway department sign.  Drew also mentioned that the sheriff's department had been called and they were looking for me, too.  Oh. My. Gosh.  Now I was REALLY embarrassed and hot and sweaty and I still had to pee.  Thankfully, I still had my cup (I didn't want to litter when I used it before), so I took care of my business again!  Drew and I decided that I needed to turn around and go back the way I had come.  I drove even slower this time because I was afraid of popping another tire, not having another spare and spotty cell service and not knowing where I was yet.  I still had my LiveTracking on, so Drew was following me and we were talking when I had service.

I made it back to the paved road and called Bill.  He was going to wait for me until he knew I was safe.  I'm not sure where he was at this point, he never found me.  I made it back to the highway I turned off on (I had gone about 23 miles on the paved then non-paved road.) and knew which way to turn.  I was now headed toward Broken Bow.  I was a little worried about my gas situation, but my gas light had not come on yet. 

I made it to Broken Bow and found a gas station.  I also needed to air up the spare because it looked a little low.  An old man in a van told me it looked like my tires had enough air and he checked them with his tire gauge.  That was so nice of him!  And, since when have gas stations started charging for air??? A dollar for air???  Thankfully I had four quarters!  Anyway, the little man made sure I was good to go and I went on my way.

Once I got going and realized I was going to be okay, I just started laughing.  I was so scared at one point, but I made it and I learned how to change a tire.  :0)

After arriving at my grandmother's house and looking at a map I realized that I should have been looking for highway 271 out of Antler's instead of 144.  I would have turned onto 144 AFTER getting on 271.  Well, my 4 hour trip turned into 7 and 1/2 hours.  I had quite the adventure today, one that I hope to NEVER repeat!

I am thankful to Drew for thinking when I couldn't and for keeping me calm.  I am thankful to Bill for being willing to look for me when I had NO IDEA where I was!  I am thankful to my grandmother for praying for me.  (She was a little freaked out she said.)  I am thankful for owner's manuals, but do wish there were better pictures in them!  I am thankful for the people who made it to the end of this long story!  Believe me, it seemed longer when it was happening!

Aww, summertime...

We have just about finished our THIRD week of summer vacation. Oh my goodness! Slow down, summer! We are so busy having fun time is passing too quickly. I am still teaching boot camp four mornings a week. It is fun and I enjoy working out outside with other people. I like pushing myself hard and since misery loves company it's good to have other people to suffer along with me! Seriously, though, I just hope I'm getting stronger. I am NOT getting on a scale to see if I've lost any weight.  Hopefully I have broken my addiction to the scale. I now base things on how my clothes fit. Am I where I want to be? No, not yet, but I am accepting of my body and know I need to appreciate it and what it is able to do.  We have one more week of boot camp then I will get my workouts in another way. I am all about variety.

I have tried to cook more this summer. That was one of my goals. It is starting to get more enjoyable. I don't know if I'll ever LOVE cooking, but hopefully I can learn to enjoy it a little bit. I want my kids to have memories of me cooking, too.

I have also been trying to spend time with each of the kids alone. This has been picking special things to do with just them that they are interested in. Addie and have got a pedicure. Bryson and I went to the Ripley's Believe it or Not and wax museum. Jackson and I are planning a trip to a local water park in July. Hopefully they will remember these special times with mom.

I have already read three books for fun. I LOVE reading and just never have time for it during the school year. I will probably go back to the library tomorrow for some more books. Historical fiction set in the late 1800's-early 1900's is my favorite genre.

I attended a PE workshop last week and got to spend time playing with friends and learning new games and activities. Always a fun way to spend a day!

Jackson and Drew go to children's camp next week. It will be Jackson's first year to go. I now he will have a good time. I hope Drew survives! I get to go when Addie is old enough. Oh joy.

That's about all that's going on this week. Looking forward to what next week brings!

Summer has settled in...

This week our summer has consisted of boot camp, basketball camp for the boys, swimming, and relaxing. We are staying pretty busy, but relaxing as well. I have already read two books with many more to come. I am determined to make the most of each day and to enjoy my summer to the fullest.

When negative thoughts start creeping in, I try to think about how leased I really am. We have some looming situations related to Drew's accident last summer, but I'm tring to have faith that they will be resolved soon. I have definitely had to practice patience this year and it HAS NOT been fun.

I have a PE workshop tomorrow, Jackson has two football games on Saturday and we are going to the Rangers game on Sunday. Happy weekend!

Summer~ Days 2 and 3

Wow! We have done A LOT in two days! Yesterday after boot camp we loaded up and headed to the zoo. Drew and I made a picnic lunch the night before, so we were ready to go. (Drew is working summer enrichment, so he didn't get to go with us either day.) We walked around the zoo for a couple of hours and that was about all any of us could take.  We were hungry and tired. We made our way over to Trinity Park just in time to board the train. Afterward we ate lunch at the park and the kids played on the playground. I got to sit and read a few pages of a book. It was wonderful! When we got home we all took showers and sat around until dinner. We were exhausted!

This morning after boot camp we headed over to River Legacy Park in Arlington. I had never been there and didn't know what to expect. We started off at the playground. It was awesome. It started raining on us, but we didn't let that stop us. We waited it out and decided to walk around and explore a little bit. We found some trails off the paved areas and so we walked until we reached the science center. We walked around inside and looked at the fish and animals they had in there. Outside was a pond with some perch and turtles. We turned over some logs on one of the trails and found some roly polys and threw them to the fish. They practically jumped out of the water to eat those bugs! This kept us entertained for about 30 minutes then we started getting hungry. We headed back and I ended up having to carry Addison on my back most of the way. Her shoe had rubbed wrong and a blister had formed. She was a trooper, though, and tried not to complain. I could tell it hurt, so I just let her hop on my back. Needless to say, I was ready to get back to the car! When we got home we ate lunch and changed to go swimming. Now we are sitting around waiting for dinner. I'm tired, but it's a good tired. We are having fun hanging out, exploring and enjoying summer!

Summer~ Day 1

We started summer break today! I'm not counting the weekend, so today is the first "official" day.  I started off teaching boot camp at 7:00-8:30 this morning. The temperature was in the upper 60's and was fabulous! Afterward, I went to the car wash before going home. Bryson is our babysitter now, so I don't have to drag the kids with me. It's so much easier for me and they don't have to wake up early. After I showered, we went to the library and checked out some books. My kids are FINALLY starting to realize how great books can be, so I am going to take advantage of that. Then we went to a park for about an hour before gong home for lunch. After lunch we read for about an hour and got ready to go to the pool for a couple of hours. We came home for dinner then the kids wanted to go to a different park to hit baseballs. Now we are just laying around watching tv, reading or playing on the iPads. This has been a pretty perfect day. Tomorrow we are planning on going to the zoo. I love summer!!!

The Aftermath...

Something happens to me after a race~ I become depressed. I recognize it now. That hasn't always been the case. The day after this marathon was so hard for me. I was on the verge of tears all day. Whenever someone asked me about the run I didn't want to talk about it. I wanted to be happy, but I just wasn't. I am better today. The blues are fading. It is so strange to feel sad when I should feel proud, happy, relieved that it is over. In a way it doesn't seem like I even ran a marathon. I almost feel like it was a dream. The pain I experienced doesn't seem real. Is it like childbirth?  We forget, so we do it again??? Hopefully, I have learned that my ody doesn't respond we'll to all the running. If I do forget, Drew will remind me!

I have googled "post running depression" and I'm not the only person in the world who has experienced this. I am not abnormal after all! I think I probably just need some rest and a new goal. I haven't gone to the gym all week. I have taught boot camp this week, but that's a job. I have to do that. At this moment I don't ever want to run again! I know that will change, I just have to give it time. I am going to try to be patient with myself and see if a new interest or goal comes up. I would like to participate in  some races with Jackson, but I need to find out what is going on with my knees and back first. Maybe once it doesn't hurt so much to run I will want to do it again.

I am a complicated individual! I feel things deeply and am very sensitive. Hopefully my true friends will be able to put up with me during this crazy phase in my life. Drew has been amazing, as usual. He goes above and beyond what I would ever expect him to. (Thanks, Sweetie, for handling me with care and loving me at my best and my worst.)

Thanks for checking in with me and understanding that things are a little out of sorts right now. I'll get back to my ol' self soon, I'm sure! :0)

Marathon #2

Sunday I ran in the Cowtown marathon. I felt ready. Although I have had some nagging injuries, I felt pretty confident I could beat last year's time. The weather was perfect~ low 40's with a high in the 60's. The wind was light at the start and picked up toward the end, but it was at our backs by then.

The first half was comfortable and quite enjoyable. My knees and back weren't too troublesome. By mile 15 or so the nerve in my back kicked into high gear and wouldn't let up. My right knee was screaming with each step. I was miserable, but determined to finish. We ate and drank along the way while taking short walk breaks. The crowd was fantastic and so supportive. the atmosphere at a race is incredible.

Around mile 18 I was ready to quit. If Drew would have been there at that moment I may have just walked off. I was hurting so badly. It was eye-crossing pain. One of the spectators had a sign that read, "This is easier than giving birth." I told him that was a lie!

Once we reached mile 20 I knew I would finish, but it wouldn't be pretty. I had given up hope of beating my time at this point and just wanted to be done. We started running for 5 minutes and walking for 2 minutes. It gave me something to look forward to. I was living for those 2 minute walk breaks! I knew it was going to be pure determination and will that would get me across that finish line. When we finally reached mile 25, I just couldn't run anymore. My back was so tight, my hips we locking up and my knees, oh my knees, felt like the bones were just rubbing together.

When I saw the turn that led to the finish line I knew I had to run. I always tell the kids at school to never walk across the finish line. Always finish strong. I ran with whatever I had left and I made it! It hurt like hell, but I made it.

As soon as I crossed the finish line Pily was there to meet us. I saw my awesome family who followed us all along the way and I just became so emotional. My throat started closing up and I needed oxygen! I kept walking, took some deep breaths and got myself together. My finisher medal was placed around my neck and I went inside to get something to eat. My stomach had been growling for at least 5 miles. I was so hungry!

We met up with Drew, dad and the kids and Nancy's family and got our finisher shirt. I kept saying, "I just want to go home." I wanted out of there. I was miserable and needed to leave. Thankfully Drew had the forethought to park close by.

We said goodbye to Dad and Nancy and headed to the car. That's when I was overcome with emotion. I started to cry and kept saying how bad I hurt. I know my kids were concerned, but I just couldn't hold it in any longer. The pride of finishing, the pain, the disappointment of not beating my time, the fatigue all came pouring out. I couldn't control it. I'm telling you, it was ugly! I'm not too proud to admit it. This is such an emotional experience for me. I climbed into the car. That was ugly, too! I could barely pick my feet up off the ground. I didn't know how I was ever going to get OUT of the car!

Once we got home Drew had to help me out. My knee felt like bone on bone when I stood. I really thought it was broken. The pain, oh the pain, was almost unbearable. I hobbled to the tub to soak in Epsom salt not caring if I got stuck in there. I managed to get in and sat for a while. I also managed to get out without causing more bodily harm.

I ate some sushi (This has become my post-run meal of choice.) and took the cocktail of meds Drew gave me. I didn't even ask what it was until later. I won't go into what I took, but it didn't even touch the pain until the second dose about 4 hours later.

I was finally able to sleep for a couple of hours. I woke up to the sound of my stomach growling. I ate some dinner and went back to sleep for the night. I woke up the next morning still sore, still disappointed, but ready to face the day.

I will blog about that later. This is more than enough for now!

Whirlwind

What a 24 hours we have had...

We returned home from hanging out with the Simmons' family to a message on the answering machine from my grandmother. She said to call as soon as I could. That's never good. When I called, she said my granddad wasn't doing well. He has been in the hospital then rehab facility for two weeks and has only gotten worse. She said the doctors can't do anything else for him and won't even re-admit him into the hospital because they have exhausted all their treatment options. Basically, his heart is just tired and worn out. He is a diabetic, has one kidney that has about 20% function (The other one was removed several years ago because of cancer.), congestive heart failure, a pacemaker, defibrillator, about 10 stents in his arteries ( I have lost count along the way!), and numerous other ailments. He has been unable to stand up because he gets dizzy and passes out, so he has been bed bound. He is miserable.

While speaking with my grandmother I had an overwhelming need to see my granddad. I told her I was coming either that night or first thing in the morning. I said I would pick her up and take her to the hospital so I could see and talk to him. Drew wouldn't let me go by myself (It was already around 8:30 in the evening.). He called his brother and asked if he would let the kids spend the night. He agreed (Thank you, Matthew and Carrie!) and we quickly threw some things in a bag. We were out the door by 9:00.

We dropped the kids off and drove to my grandparents' house. We got there shortly after 1am. We said we would leave for the hospital by 8:00 and we went to bed. I had set my alarm for 6:45 so I could take a shower and get presentable.

Around 6:30 I heard the ceiling fan go off and knew the electricity had gone out. Drew and I lay there waiting for it to come back on and it never did. Finally, a little after 7:00 he called the electric company to report it. They were aware of the outage. There had been a car accident that caused damage to one of the poles. It would be a while before power was restored. So much for taking a shower! We decided to just get dressed and leave. We were out the door by 7:45.

The hospital is 90 miles away in Fort Smith, AK. (Yes, my grandparents live in the sticks of Oklahoma!) Drew drove us and we got there around 9:15. My granddad looked better than I imagined, but I could tell he felt miserable. We just hung around in the room all day talking and visiting. We got him up a couple of times in the wheelchair and my grandmother pushed him around the halls for a few minutes. He sat up in the wheelchair for 5-10 minutes back in the room then needed to lay back down. He gets nauseous sitting up. I showed him a few exercises he could do in be to try to strengthen his legs. He has be inactive so long his legs are very weak and shaky. It's going to take a lot of work to build the strength back up.

We decided to leave around 3:00 because we have to work tomorrow and our house is about 300 miles and 5 hours away from the hospital. We listened to an audiobook on the way home to pass the time. I'm glad we went so I could see my granddad, but I wish we could have stayed longer. My grandmother is going to spend the gift with him for a night or two then someone will take her home. Hopefully he will get to go home too.

I am so thankful to Drew for going with me and for Matthew and Carrie for watching the kids. It would have been way too much sitting around in the car and rehab facility for them to handle.

We are planning on going back up there over Spring Break, so hopefully he will feel better by then. I will say that was definitely the shortest time I have stayed at their house (6 hours!) and one of the craziest 24 hours I have had in a while! We were in three different states in 24 hours. What a crazy day!

January 22

I hate this date.  Like, I cringe when I see it written down somewhere.  Whenever I see it I immediately go back to the evening of January 22, 1992.  On that day my life as I knew it changed forever. 

Around 6:30-7:00 pm I walked into my house where I lived with my mom and my sister to find it dark.  There were no lights on at all.  My sister's truck was parked in the driveway, so I knew she had to be there.  I had seen her earlier in the day in between school and work.  She looked horrible and I told her so.  She was sick.  She had stayed home from work which she vary rarely did.  I began turning on the lights and calling her name. There was no answer.  I finally made it to the back of the house to my room and switched on the light.  There she was, on my bed, and I knew.  I knew.  My life would never be the same.  She looked like she had kind of fallen on the bed.  Her body was on and her head was on the pillow, but her feet were off.  Her legs were straight, too straight, but her feet were off the edge of the bed.  Her eyes were neither open or shut.  They were stuck somewhere in between.  Her color was grey.  I knew by the color of her skin that she was gone.  When you see death you know it.

I did dial 911, but I knew it was too late.  I told them I needed help.  I told them my sister was dead on my bed.  They asked me if she was breathing, but I couldn't touch her.  They said they would send help, but I knew there was nobody that could help.  I remember walking around the house asking out loud, "What do I do?"  I remember calling my dad at work in Waco and telling him, "Jamie is dead."  I didn't sugar coat it.  I didn't think to break the news gently.  I didn't think about guarding his feelings.  I just said it.  I said it, but it couldn't possibly be true.My big sister who was just 13 months older than me, who I looked up to, fought with, confided in, took money from, stole clothes from, loved and hated at the same time was gone and would never come back.

I remember thinking about my mom and what she would do when she got home.  I will never forget the look on her face when she walked in to find paramedics everywhere and me crying about Jamie being dead.  I remember that was the first time she hugged me in years.  After that, I can just remember flashes of things.  Little snippets of people coming into our house and trying to help.  Packing a bag to go stay at my aunt and uncle's house.  Being questioned by the police about how I found her and what I was doing before and after I found her.  Where I had been and the last time I had spoken to her.  So many questions and nothing made sense.

Fast forward.  An autopsy was performed and it was determined that she died from pneumonia which caused cardiac arrest.  She had been diagnosed with the flu the day before and apparently it had developed into pneumonia very quickly.

There was a funeral three days later.  People were there.  Friends from high school came to pay their respects and I'm sure to find out if the unthinkable really happened.  I don't remember much about that day.  I don't remember who was there.  I was there and I shouldn't have had to be.  That's all that mattered at that moment.  I was there and I was robbed of the big sister I grew up with and who had protected me every time we had to change schools and start over.  The sister who gave me money when I didn't have any for lunch or who gave me a ride when I didn't have one.  She was gone and I was left to continue living.

I went back to school and to work.  My mom and I continued to live with each other although we had nothing to say to each other.  We existed. I slept in her room for a year because I couldn't sleep in my room where Jamie had died.  We slept in the same bed, but we didn't talk.  She was never the same and neither was I.  How could we be? 

I always wonder what good has come out of my sister dying.  Aren't all things suppose to work together for good?  Did she have to die so things would work out in my life or my mom's life.  Did she have to die so my life would continue on the right course.  Were we suppose to learn something from her death or grow in some way.  Did God allow this to happen?  Orchestrate it?  Why did this happen?

I know my mom asked herself these same questions over the years.  I know it isn't our place to know why things happen.  Sometimes we may see something good that comes from a bad situation, but oftentimes we don't.  My mom has since died and I have asked myself the same questions about her death.  Why are the two people I grew up with and who knew me best gone? 

I don't feel sorry for myself (most of the time) any more.  I now have a husband and three kids who love me more than I ever imagined I could be loved.  I often wonder what life would be like if they were still here.  I'm sure I wouldn't appreciate them like they should be appreciated.  I'm sure I would take them for granted.  I'm sure we would argue and bicker about insignificant things.  I'm sure I would love them.

Each year I dread this date.  It has now been 21 years since that horrific night.  I was 20 and she was 21.  She has been dead as long as she was here and still I think of her.  My big sister.

Home

Today I am home with Addison because she has strep throat again.  This is the third time she has had it this school year.  I have never missed this much work (Unless you count being on maternity leave~ which I'm not!).  I stayed home with her on Tuesday, also, and Drew stayed home with her yesterday.  On Tuesday we just laid around and watched WAY TOO MUCH tv.  Way. Too. Much.  I didn't want to do that today, so I have been cooking (yes, ME, cooking), cleaning, washing, baking and maybe watching just a little tv.  She has helped some in the kitchen and has watched her fair share of Nickjr. 

It's funny, when I'm at work I want to be at home and when I am at home all I can think about is being at work.  Weird, I know.  I am not one of those people who can just take off work for no reason except just to have a day off.  I was taught that you only take off from work if your HAVE to, not if you just WANT to.  This year I have missed for jury duty and to stay home with Addison who has been sick at least three times since August.  I am hopeful that her body is just trying to built up some immunity this first year in school and she will be healthy from here on out.  A mama can hope, right!

I am thankful for my job and having people at work who will help me out when I need to be gone. It is nice to know that someone has your back when you have to be gone.  I may think about work when I'm at home, but I don't worry about work.  There is a difference.

This is a pretty boring post, but I am determined to blog more this year and this just happens to be what is going on right now!

Five weeks until marathon Sunday!  We are still training, but I am looking forward to "retiring" from the long races.  My knee will thank me!

7 weeks

In seven weeks I will run my second and LAST full marathon. Today was a long run day (we ran 12 miles) and I can say with confidence that I will NEVER do this again. It's not that I don't enjoy running with my friend, nancy, or like the cardiovascular benefits of all the running, it's just that, frankly, it hurts! My body kind of rebels after a long run. I won't go into detail, but, trust me, it's not pretty! Also, my knee swells to about twice its normal size and I have something going on with my SI joint. Running is not for the weak!

Drew also has sacrificed so much to allow me to do this. Running takes up 2-3 hours each Saturday (just the running part) then it takes me the rest of the day to recover physically. While I am doing this he is taking care of the kids, house, laundry and everything else that needs to be done. Our running season lasts about 6 months, so it's time for me to stop spending so much time on just me and start focusing on him and the kids.

I will still run some, maybe some shorter distances. And I want to start running with Jackson. He has some natural talent and enjoys running, so I want to support him and encourage him any way I can.

I have learned a lot about myself through this whole process. I am stronger than I thought I was and can accomplish things I NEVER thought I could. I've learned that I am mentally tough and can fight through even the toughest situations. I am someone who could barely run 1/4 mile in high school without feeling like I wanted to curl up and die to someone who has completed a FULL marathon. Not too many years ago I was doing good to run ONE mile. Not long after that I felt so accomplished to run three miles without stopping. Now running ten miles is considered an "easy" run day. Crazy, I know!

I have had to redefine my idea of success. When we started training for our first half-marathon I would get so down on myself if I needed to walk a little bit during a long run. I thought I was only successful if I ran the ENTIRE time. Now I know that walking some is okay and doesn't mean I failed or was unsuccessful. I have learned that some days running is easy and some days it is hard. I have learned to listen to my body and slow down when I'm not feeling right. I have learned that I can run for completion and not competition. I have learned that its okay to be proud of myself.

So, seven weeks from now I will finish what I started a few years ago. It has been exciting, hard, gut-wrenching and somewhat enjoyable! :0)

Not a good day.

I just need to be honest and say that I had a horrible eating day today. I don't know what got not me, but I wanted everything in sight! I know tomorrow is a new day and I AM NOT defeated! I just need to be honest and say that I'm not giving up. I will NEVER give up my quest to live a healthier life. As I said in my last post, you can't be perfect! It is not an all or nothing event and I will do better tomorrow. I hope you know that it is okay to slip up. It doesn't make us a bad person or a failure. I am human, you are human. We mess up. There I feel better. Now, on with my life!

New Year, New You

I have been thinking about my friends and family who have made resolutions to get healthy, lose weight, take better care of themselves, exercise, etc.  I just want to offer up some words of encouragement.  I have fought the weight loss battle (still am) and have come out with many battle wounds.  It is so easy to start off strong and get derailed by the smallest thing.  A negative comment from a spouse, friend, co-worker, or family member can cause the most devoted person to go running for the cookie jar.

Many people have asked me over the years how to lose weight.  I always tell them to be patient and not to look at it as an all or nothing event.  Losing weight is a process.  There will be good days and bad days.  There are days that you crave everything in sight and days where eating healthy comes so naturally.  Just keep your eye on the big picture.  Where do you want to be a year from now?  Of course, we all want to be healthier than we are now.  Whether we reach our goal weight this year or not, we want to be better than we are right now.  So, be patient and give yourself some slack.  You cannot be perfect.  You will slip up.  Just know that if you are eating healthier more often than you aren't or you are exercising more often than your aren't or you are taking time for yourself more often than you do now, you are making progress.  Weight loss is a journey and not a destination.  Take the time to change your lifestyle so you will be able to maintain a healthy way of living for the rest of your life.  There are no quick fixes, magic pills or miracle surgeries.  It takes dedication and hard work.  I wish each of you well.  Here's to a healthier, happier you 12 months from now!

Well, hello...

I am back and ready to continue blogging! I have taken a break, but would like to get back on the wagon so I can document the events going on in our life.

I first have to write about our CRAZY trip up to my grandparent's house last week.  If we are FB friends, you probably already know of the craziness we went through. If not, sit back and enjoy at our expense!

Snow and ice was in the forecast for Christmas day.  I didn't really think it would happen, but Drew did.  We talked about leaving for Oklahoma around noon that day, but Drew kept talking about leaving earlier.  Again, I didn't really think the weather people were right (they hardly ever are!), so I went back to bed after the kids opened presents.  They woke us up at 5 am, so I had plenty of time to get a nap! I finally got up and started throwing some stuff in a bag.  We leave clothes for all seasons up there so we don't have to take too much.  Drew was already loading the car and getting things ready.  In fact, he never went back to bed.  

By the time we were loaded and in the car it was 10:00.  I had been raining for several hours at this point and the temperature was in the upper 30's.  We had eaten a little breakfast but were starting to get hungry around noon.  We noticed that the only places that were open were convenience stores and the occasional drug store.  Even McDonald's was closed.  We FINALLY found a Jack in the Box in Paris, TX open.  Apparently, we aren't the only crazy people who travel on Christmas day.  Jack in the Box was packed!  When Drew ordered he learned they were out of chicken nuggets, Coke and tea.  By the way, it was still raining~ hard.

We ate lunch and were on our way.  By the time we got to Broken Bow, the rain had turned to sleet.  In a matter of minutes the sleet turned to snow.  In the blink of an eye the snow turned into a blizzard and the roads were covered!  Addie had to stop and poo at this point, so Drew found a gas station. Gross, I know, but what else do you do???  When we got back on the road the roads were starting to get slippery.  Thankfully there wasn't a lot of traffic because we started slipping and sliding all over the highway!  It is a two-lane road and we were in the other lane a lot of the time at one point.  The roads are very curvy, also.  At times we were going sideways along the highway.  Needless to say, I was a nervous wreck!  I didn't help the kids' nerves, either. I called my grandparents at this point to tell them the road conditions and to expect us later than we had planned.  We still had about 35 miles to go and Drew could only drive about 20-25 mph.  By the time we were 10 miles away from their house Addie had to poop again!  This time there was no gas station.  We stopped on the highway so she could go.  We couldn't even pull off onto the shoulder for fear of getting stuck.  There really aren't shoulders on this highway so we would have had to go down into a little ditch.  Thankfully there wasn't any traffic and Addie took care of business quickly!

We finally made it to their house and only had one more hill to go up.  Drew made it about 2/3 of the way up the hill and started sliding sideways and backward.  He went back down and tried to gain some momentum, but that didn't work either.  After the third attempt, he decided not to push it.  We stayed in the car and he walked up the hill to get a four-wheeler.  He brought it back down to us so we could ride it up to the house. My uncle got his tractor and pulled Drew up the hill to the house.  The snow was still coming down hard at this point.  While Drew and the boys were unloading the car (this is their job) I made a snowman.  

After the car was unloaded we all went inside to warm up.  My grandmother had been cooking a ham all day so we peeled some potatoes for potato salad.  Before we even put the potatoes on to boil the electricity went off.  It does that sometimes during storms and usually comes back on in just a little while.  After an hour or so we knew it wasn't going to come back on for a while.  We found some lanterns and old oil lamps for light.  We also reminded the kids not to flush the toilets because they are on a septic system and the pumps run on electricity.  Of course, all three had to go after we told them that!  Go figure!  We were hungry for dinner by then, so we had ham and the peanut butter cake we brought from home.  That ended up being our Christmas meal!

We didn't have the heater but the living room stayed warm because of a propane heater they have.  We decided we would all sleep in the living room to stay warm.  That's when the heater went out.  We were out of propane.  So, the house was dark (except for the lanterns and oil lamps), we couldn't flush and were now without our only source of heat.  AND it was only about 7:00 in the evening!  I knew it was going to be a long night!

Finally, about an hour or so later we decided to try and sleep.  The boys had sleeping bags to sleep on the floor in the living room.  My granddad fell asleep in his recliner.  Drew, Addie and I went to our room and my grandmother went to her bed.  At some point during the night the electricity came back on.  I woke up to the sound of the heater going and knew the day was going to be okay.  

When we finally got up the snow outside was just beautiful.  It had continued to snow during the night and it covered everything.  They probably got 5-6 inches.  Later I went out on the four-wheeler to take some pictures.  The trails were mostly impassable because the snow made the branches of the trees so heavy they bent over in the trails.  It was so pretty!  The snow was still on the ground when we left on Saturday.  We had fun playing in the snow and walking on the trails.  I have never seen snow like that up there and it was awesome!