Struggling

I am not perfect. Shocking, I know. No, actually, I think I am the only one who thinks I have to try to be perfect. Everyone else can see my flaws. Why do we try to be perfect when there is no possible way to be perfect? Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves? Why do we compare ourselves to others? Why do we immediately criticize others for having faults? (I actually know the answer to that one. It's because of our insecurities that we feel the need to find fault in others so we don't feel so bad about ourselves.) If we know we aren't perfect and never can be, why do we try?

Lately I have been struggling with my eating patterns. I let my guard down some because we have been running so much and now I feel like I am getting out of control. I haven't stepped on a scale in over a month now and don't plan to any time soon. My clothes still fit, but I just "feel" bigger. I don't know if my body is changing and it is feeling different or if I am really "growing." I am just starting to feel lumpy and bumpy. I don't want to undo everything I have worked toward over the past year and a half. I KNOW how hard it is to lose weight. I KNOW how much work and thought I put into everything I ate. I don't want to have to start over again. I guess what I am trying to say in a lot of words is that I am struggling. How do you know when it is time to simply maintain (even if I am not down to where I want to be) or when to keep going?

I feel like I eat pretty healthy and I know I work out plenty. I guess it is all about portion control. That's the hardest thing to get under control. I'll admit it, I like food~ a lot. Food brings out positive emotions in me. I am usually having fun when I am eating. I am usually around friends or family when I am eating. I like food. I just need to like smaller portions of food! :0)

We will run a marathon in four weeks. I am going to work on my portion control from now until then. After we run I am going to step on the scale again and see where I am and where I need to change. I may blog about this process, too. I know I am not the only one struggling with this. I hope to help others along the way as I am trying to help myself. Feel free to ask me how it's going. I could really use the accountability.

I also realize that some people may find it shallow to talk about weight and body image. To the I say, "Don't read my blog!" That is all. :0)