10 Positives

I could choose to feel sorry for myself and our current situation, but I am going to make a conscious effort to be positive. I've spent a lot of time thinking about all that has transpired over the last five days. These are my positive thoughts:

1) Drew and I get to spend A LOT of extra time together! Since this happened in the summer it makes it a little easier than if it would have happened while we were working. I'm a little over protective of him right now, so I am very near him all the time. I don't think he minds. ;0)

2) My kids are learning to do things around the house that we should have taught them to do long ago. Generally, they seem happy to help out. I know the novelty will wear off eventually, but they are doing pretty good right now.

3) Bryson is at an age where he can watch the younger two for us when we need to leave the house for a little while. If this would have happened a couple of years ago we wouldn't have been able to do that.

4) Drew's brothers and their families and Drew's mom have been awesome during all of this. They have kept the kids busy and let them spend the night a couple of nights right after Drew got hurt so I could focus my attention on him.

5) My friends have been AMAZING! They are bring us meals galore and act interested even when they hear me tell "the story" for the umpteenth time! It helps to be able to talk about it sometimes. I'm just trying to work through my thoughts. One friend has helped take Addison and Jackson to soccer and baseball practice. I am usually uncomfortable asking for help, but I am starting to learn that people like to help. I am thankful for friends who will step in when needed and usually without even asking!

6) Drew is starting to be able to do some things for himself. This will be short lived since after his surgery on Thursday his arm and shoulder will be immobilized, but I will take it while we have it.

7) I ordered Drew a Bathroom Buddy. Google it! You will see why this makes my list of positives! :0)

8) Drew and I went to a movie together today. It was not a kid movie. I can't remember the last time we did that! It was fun to spend time together and I didn't have to keep little hands out of my popcorn!

9) I am learning to do things that Drew never let me do. He usually mows the grass (wouldn't even consider letting me do it!), keeps up with the laundry, cooks all the meals and cleans the house. Yep, I'm usually pretty worthless! Really, I do things, but he does MOST of the things around the house. Yes, he treats me like a princess!

10) He can still move his hand to rub my feet! I don't ASK him to do this, he just does it! It's good physical therapy, right?!?

I'll stop my list at 10. I know I will have some hard days, but today I am  choosing to look on the bright side!

With a Willing Heart...

You never realize how much someone does for you until the can't do it anymore. With Drew down I realize just how much he did for us! I have always known that I have it a lot better than a lot of people, but, my goodness, he works his booty off! No wonder he is always exhausted! Right now I have to do almost everything for him. With his good shoulder hurt and his other shoulder and arm not very useful it makes it difficult for him to do even the simplest of tasks. I'm not complaining, at all. I just know that I have to step up my game and work that much harder. I always feel a little guilty during our time off in the summer because I rest so much, so now I won't have a chance to feel guilty! I don't mind helping him. I WANT to help him. I am so thankful that he didn't have a head injury or a more debilitating injury. I will do everything I need to do and teach the kids how to help me. Yes, they will be helping. They are going to have to step up, also. It will be good for us to have to work together through all of this. They will probably have a new appreciation for the amount of work it takes to keep a home and family running. I'm not saying it is going to be easy or things won't get difficult during our journey. I am saying that I am thankful and appreciate even more how much Drew takes care of us and does for us. Now it is our turn to take care of him.

What about the other guy?

So many people have asked me about the driver that hit Drew. The driver, D, was great through this whole thing. Right after he ran into Drew he stopped to help. Drew had a washcloth in his hand that he was running with. After he realized his head was bleeding he tried to apply pressure with the washcloth. His shoulder was hurting so bad that he couldn't do it. The driver held it for him. D is also the one who called 911. When I got there he was standing off to the side but was obviously concerned. After I brought Drew's wallet back to him D was kneeling down by Drew trying to assist. When the paramedics were ready to leave for the hospital the police weren't there yet. The fire truck had just arrived. D said he would stay and wait for the police. The paramedics had already written down all his information, so we left. Before I drove away D walked over to my car and with tears in his eyes told me how sorry he was that this happened. He asked what Drew's name was and patted my arm and said sorry again. A couple of hours after we arrived at the ER one of the nurses said there was someone on the phone asking to talk to family. I got on the phone and it was D. He just wanted me to know that he was praying for us and hoped that Drew was okay. Later on that evening Drew and I were talking about how bad D must feel. I said that he had probably been worried sick all day. We decided to drive over to his house so Drew could talk to him. We had his address from the information the paramedics took. Drew knocked on his door and when he answered you could see the relief wash over him. D shook his hand (very carefully) and thanked Drew for coming over. I'm sure that allowed him to relax a little bit. Although Drew doesn't always show it he is a sensitive guy. He knew D wouldn't be able to sleep that night and just wanted to put him at ease. I'm proud of Drew for how he is handling this whole situation. He could me angry and mad, but he is choosing to make the best of it. Being angry won't make him hurt any less. Being mad won't make it go away. All we can do is be thankful that Drew wasn't killed and try our best to be thankful in everything.

What you may not know...

Drew was in a serious accident when he was 18. He almost lost his left arm. He did lose two fingers (well, one and a bit!) on his left hand. He has very limited use of that arm and hand. Unless ou have known Drew a while or are very observant you would never notice his "disability." He's not handicapped, he's handicapable! Drew has taught himself how to use his arm to its full potential. He doesn't use his arm as an excuse. He is the hardest working person I know. Yes, he has run across things that are difficult to do with one good arm, but it doesn't stop him. He usually just says, "It really sucks to have one arm," and then finds a way to do whatever he was trying to do in the first place. He could change diapers like nobody's business! I have always told him not to hurt his right hand or arm because, "I'm not wiping your butt!" Of course, I was only joking but secretly hoping it would never a come to that! Well, after the accident today I am going to have to do something I never thoughtnid have to do! Drew was hit on his left side and landed on his right side. Sooooooooooo, it is his RIGHT shoulder that is separated and fractured. Yep, that's the good side. It looks like we are going to take our relationship to a whole new level! Seriously, though, I will do it and I will do it with a happy heart because this situation could have ended so differently. I am thankful that he wasn't hurt more seriously than he was. Drew is truly my rock and I would be completely lost without him. I may have to do some things that make me uncomfortable, but I will be thankful while I am doing them!

What happened?!?

I have told this story many times today, but I want to blog about it so I don't forget the details. This morning Drew went jogging. He has been jogging a few times a week all summer. (Yea, Drew!!!) He had been gone about 45 minutes and I got up to use the restroom. When I got back in bed I looked at my phone and noticed two missed calls from Drew. I knew instantly that something was wrong. I tried to call back a couple of times and got his voicemail. A little panic set in. Finally, I got through but I couldn't hear his voice. I did hear some muffled voices and some movement. I immediately thought he had been attacked. Why someone would attack a big guy I had no idea. I called his name several times and he didn't answer. I stopped to listen to the voices and heard a man's voice say, "I didn't see him and I hit him." That's when I sprang out of bed and ran to my car. I know his route and started to drive it. I turned the corner and saw an ambulance. As I got closer it looked like Drew was laying under a truck. I didn't have my contacts in, so I couldn't see very well! Heck, I didn't have shoes or a bra on, either! I was quite a sight, I'm sure! As I pulled up to the scene I saw that Drew was in the street but resting against the median. I threw the car into park, jumped out and went to him. There was a big pool of blood on the street and he had blood all over his head and arm. I freaked out just a little bit (again.) he looked at me and said he was okay. He said his shoulder hurt and he had a cut on his head. He calmed me down. I am not very good in emergency situations~ obviously! I've been in many emergency situations and I haven't gotten any better. Anyway, I asked what he needed me to do and he wanted me to get his wallet. I went home to get it and decided to follow the ambulance to the hospital. I drove his wallet back to him and went home again to get dresses and tell the kids to wait for Gram to come stay with them. They could stay by themselves with Bryson in charge, but I felt like they needed an adult with them in case they needed some reassurance. I put some clothes on, put my contacts in and drove back to the ambulance. I followed them to the hospital. Drew's brother, David, met me there and Pily showed up, too. Then it was just a waiting game. Drew had an X-ray and ct scan. He has a third degree separation in his shoulder and a fracture somewhere in there. He had to get 5 stitches in his head, but doesn't have a concussion. His knee is sore, and getting more sore, but he is alive. Praise God. Things could have turned out so differently. While following the ambulance I couldn't even think of what to pray. God knew what my heart was trying to say. Plus, there were so many people praying for him and us I knew we were covered! Yes, I posted this on Facebook. Some people may scoff at that, but sometimes you need support. Facebook was that support for me today. I appreciate everyone who covered Drew in prayer today. I could have been planning a funeral today instead of dealing with insurance companies and doctors. Actually, Drew has been dealing with all of that. He wants to stay busy. He is pretty rattled by the whole event, as you can imagine. There are several funny things that happened within this story today, but I will try to share those at a later time. I'm emotionally drained and think I am being summoned to dooty duty! :0)

Fun Friday

Today we had another fun day. Drew and I woke up early and went for a walk in our neighborhood. We walked for an hour and a half while the kids got to sleep late. In fact, Jackson was still sleeping when we got home at 8:30. It was fun talking and spending time together. When we got home we started getting things ready for lunch. Addison left around 11:00 to spend some time with Drew's mom (Gram). I miss her so much when she is gone! I love hanging out with her and miss her constant banter and questions! Anyway, I had invited several friends over for lunch so we had to get busy. Drew basically did everything I was just the assistant! It's better that way for everyone involved! My friends came over and we ate. Bryson and Jackson entertained their kids while we talked. It was a fun, laid back time. That's exactly how I like it. After they left, we finished cleaning up and we watched the radar. A thunderstorm was headed right for us, but broke up at the last minute. We got a few sprinkles and that was it! After we realized we weren't going to get caught in the rain we left for the Fort Worth Food Park. We weren't hungry, but the Bacon Wagon was scheduled to be there and I wanted to go. Traffic was so heavy today that it took us about an hour to get to the food park. By then, everyone was hungry again! Drew, Bryson and I had yummy bacon sandwiches. Jackson has a couple of meatball sliders and ended up eating part of my sandwich. After he tasted mine he was sorry he didn't order from the Bacon Wagon. Sometimes mom knows best! Believe me, when it comes to bacon you should NEVER choose something else! After that we came home and played a game of Clue. Drew won, but he is sneaky! Now Whale Wars is on (that is why I am blogging!) and we are relaxing in bed. What a great Friday! Next Friday we are planning on doing something we haven't done in a few years! Stay tuned!

This Week...

This week: - I became super depressed when I stepped on the scale and it showed a GAIN of 1 pound. I KNOW not to get on that stupid thing and I did it anyway. Lesson learned. It has taken me until today to climb out of the hole of darkness that I buried myself in. I would like to meet anyone who can cut herself down with negativity and self-destructive talk better than I can. I LOVE encouraging other people when they are down, but I just can't seem to encourage myself. Advice is easy to give but difficult to follow. - We FINALLY took Addie shopping for her birthday. We have been pretty busy and just haven't taken the time to do it. She did remind me one day last week that she has been VERY patient, though! It was fun shopping with her. Drew and I took her and left the boys at home. Everyone was happier that way! - I got some new running shoes. I took them out for a run on Tuesday and they felt good! I ended up going 8.5 miles and it was okay. I say okay because I have been having trouble with my back/hip. At first I thought it was my hip joint, but now I think it is a nerve in my back that is causing the pain. The pain runs down my leg all the way to my ankle and foot. It really hurts with each step, but I just grit my teeth and keep going. Running is suppose to hurt, right? My left knee has been bothering me from time to time, too, but I'm used to that pain. I've lived with that pain for most of my life, so it's not gong to stop me now. I just pop some Naproxen and keep going. I'm sure I will have to pay the price for all of this one day! - We bought school clothes for the kids. It's still hard to believe that Addie will be starting Kindergarten. Wasn't she just born??? She is so ready to be in school and I am excited to see how much she will learn this first year. - I got my iPad back from being repaired. Addie sat on it several weeks ago and cracked the screen! I'm so glad I bought the protection plan. I NEVER buy those things, but I did this time. I knew the kids would be using it, so I got it "just in case!" I'm glad I trusted my instincts this time! - I decided to clean the blinds this week. I planned on it just taking an hour or so because I was going to use Drew's shop vac to do it. Man, oh, man, was I mistaken! Once I got started with that thing I just couldn't stop! We have SO MUCH dust in our house! We dust every week, but we don't do the blinds and high things very often. (um, as in maybe once since we have lived here for over five years!) I worked for over three hours and never made it to the kids' rooms. That will have to wait for another day. I did that AFTER running 8.5 miles, so by the time I stopped I was completely worn out! - We went to see Ice Age today. There is a new theater by us and this is our second movie to see there. This is a big deal because Drew usually doesn't go to the movies unless he gets free tickets or we go to the dollar show! He's been really good about stepping out of his little box this summer. (It's just a little pathetic that going yo a REGULAR movie is stepping out of the box! We are pretty boring people, I will admit!) - We are waiting to watch Dallas tonight. It's crazy, but we look forward to Wednesday nights so we can watch that show together! - I am listening to an audiobook that I can't get enough of! It is called Kitchen House by Kathleen Grissom. I usually listen when I run or ride my bike, but I have listened to it out a the pool or just sitting Round the house. I travel back to the late 1700's and early 1800's when I listen. I love books that I get immersed in. I feel like I am part of the book and I just LOVE that. I am "saving" the end of the book for my bike ride tomorrow! I am just going to ride until it is over. I can't wait! Then, I will probably listen to it again so I can pick up some things I'm sure I missed! Love it! That's about all we have done this week! I'll be back soon!

Fun Friday

Today Drew and I had the BEST time!  I have always heard people say that you have to make time together to keep your marriage strong.  I have always believed that, but we haven't always made the time.  Now that Bryson is older and can be our babysitter it is so much easier! 

I have been getting bored with working out.  I have needed a change for a while and just haven't really done it.  I did teach boot camp for four weeks in June so that was a little different, but I still need to change it up.  I am still going to the gym on Mondays and Wednesdays to take a body pump class.  Tuesday I went to a track and ran/walked and did bleachers. I have also started riding my bike about once a week and listening to an audio book and that has been fun.  Yesterday I rode 20 miles!  I don't want to be a slave to the gym this summer, so I have been trying to change it up.  Drew has been running and riding his bike, too!  I am so proud of him and the hard work he is putting into getting healthy.  He is an inspiration! 

Anyway, we were talking about this the other day and we decided to do something together on Fridays.  Today was our first Friday to exercise together.  We went to the Fort Worth Nature Center and Refuge.  We packed a backpack full of water, Gatorade, sunflower seeds and granola.  We got a map and started hiking.  We hiked for over 2 hours!  We saw deer, birds, gar, perch, a snake, prairie dogs, racoons and lots of spiders and bugs.  We did our best to clear out all the spider webs, too!  Oh my goodness, there were a lot of spider webs!  Drew got most of them because he walked in front of me.  He carried a stick to try to break them up before he walked through them, but that didn't work so well!  We stopped along the way to eat some granola and drink our Gatorade.  Drew called it our "hippie" date!  We had a great time talking, listening and just walking in silence.  It was so much fun to be together.  Toward the end of our hike we went to the visitor's center and looked around a little bit.  (I needed to use the restroom, too, so I finally got to go there!)  We decided that that would be a great place to show the kids and will definitely go back in the future.  His legs are starting to itch, so I'm sure we will have to double up on the bug spray next time!

On the way home, we called the kids and told them to get ready to go swimming.  We stayed at the pool for a couple of hours playing and splashing around.  Then we put a movie on and took a nap.  I don't think the kids napped, but that's okay because we were the ones who needed it!

After our naps we went to a food park to eat dinner.  Everyone got to get whatever they wanted, so everyone was happy.  We finished our meals with cupcakes and snowcones.  What could be better?!

I am looking forward to more Fun Fridays with Drew.  I LOVE spending time with him.  It reminds me of when we were first married and it was just the two of us.  We love our kids tremendously, but it is good for the two of us to spend time alone together!

Our Week in Pictures

Weighty Issues

Time is passing so quickly!  I have been away from my blog for over a month.  So much has been going on, so I haven't taken the time to post.  I had the grand plan of posting several times a week this summer and I am just now getting around to it.  This is more of a journal for me than anything else, but I would like to keep it updated better than I have.  We'll see if I can manage that!

I have felt like such a loser lately.  Two years ago I set out on a journey to lose 20 pounds because I was signed up to run a half-marathon.  Eventually, I reached that initial goal, but I had changed my goal before I reached the initial goal.  Then, when I was close to reaching the second goal, I changed it again.  I came within 3 pounds of reaching the third goal and just couldn't get there.  In fact I only stayed at that lowest weight for about a week and it crept back up a couple of pounds.  During the next year I hovered around the second goal weight I had set, but always longed for the third goal weight.  (I'm not putting the actual weights on purpose!)  I ran another half-marathon and a full marathon, but I was never satisfied with my weight and always felt like I left this whole weight thing unfinished. This summer I have avoided getting on the scale.  I have known that I had gained a little bit of weight because my shorts were tighter in the legs.  Of course, that is where I gain first since that is the part of my body I am most insecure about!  Well, today I got on the scale for the first time in a LONG time and let me just say that it wasn't pretty.  I have gained about 10 pounds.  TEN.  Do you know how long it takes me to LOSE 10 pounds?  A lot longer than it takes to gain them that is for sure. I am so down on myself right now.  I know that I have a long road ahead of me if I want to lose those 10 pounds again.  It is so daunting.  Yes, I know it could be worse.  It's only 10 pounds, but it's my 10 pounds, so it is a big deal to me. 

The good thing (if there is a good thing in all of this) is that I know exactly how this happened.  I love food.  I love to eat.  Because we were training for another half-marathon and then the full marathon I was eating whatever I wanted and was able to maintain my weight.  When the marathon was over I continued to eat what I wanted but I wasn't running as much.  So, the weight crept back on.  I was aware that this was happening, but I was in denial.  I thought I was working out enough to maintain my weight.  A couple of months ago I started using Myfitnesspal.  I had it on my phone for about a year, but I never used it.  I started using it and was SHOCKED at how many calories I was eating.  SHOCKED I tell you! 

I have had to take a real hard look at what my goals are and what I want to accomplish physically.  I have had to get real with myself.  Drew and I have talked about all of this a lot.  What is important, what is not important and what I am willing to sacrifice to get what I want.  Here is what I have decided:
1) I work out enough.  I do not need to work out more than I already do.  In fact, the more I work out the more I eat because I think I deserve to eat.  That hasn't worked for me in the past, so I have to change it.  I can't keep doing the same thing and expect different results, right?  The exercising is the easy part of the equation for me.  I have a real need to work out.  I cannot go more than a day or two without working out.  I become angry, anxious and depressed when I can't work out.  I don't know if it would be considered an addiction, but it is certainly a physical need.
2) I must change the way I eat.  I have said all along that the biggest part of the losing weight equation is what goes in your mouth.  I am going to use Myfitnesspal to keep me accountable about what goes in my mouth.  Drew is also using it, so we are going to keep each other accountable and work on this together.
3) I may need to change my goal weight.  Right now I have set my goal weight at my second goal weight that I talked about earlier.  I never reached the third goal weight, so obviously that was not the right goal for me.  I am pretty muscular and I will probably always be on the upper end of the healthy weight scale.  I haven't come to peace with this realization, yet, but I know I will never be on the lower end of the healthy weight scale.  I haven't been on that end since I was 12 or 13! 
4) I need to accept the fact that I am not 20 any more!  Yes, this hurts.  I am a forty year old mother of 3.  My body has been through some tough times.  I cannot expect it to look like the twentysomethings I see on Pinterest!  I have cellulite, stretch marks, extra skin and saggy bits that I can only fix with surgery!  That isn't going to happen, so I have to come to peace with my body.  I keep telling myself that in 10 years I will wish I had appreciated my body more now.

Why do I blog about this?  Because I know I am not the only one who is going through all of this.  I know that I am not the only one who has worked hard to lose weight to gain some of it back.  I know that others think everyone has it easier than they do.  I am here to tell you that everyone struggles.  It is not easy.  Everyone slips up and has to refocus.  I am NOT going to let myself get back to where I was 2-3 years ago.  I. WILL. NOT. LET. IT. HAPPEN.  PERIOD. 

If you are looking for someone to be your friend on Myfitnesspal, let me know.  We can help each other out!  I may post about my progress from time to time.  It is not to boast or brag.  It is to inspire.  If I can beat this, I know others can too.  They may just need a little encouragement.