Back to myself???

I sure hope so. It has been one of the toughest weeks of my life. Of course, the deaths of my sister and mother were harder, but this ranks right up there at the top. I think just an accumulation of several small things added up to something huge. I really don't want to go into all the ugly details, but let's just suffice it to say that it was incredibly hard to put one foot in front of the other. I have realized through the process that I have an amazing husband (Yes, I already knew this, but it was confirmed yet again.) and some wonderful friends and co-workers.

This week I allowed my self to become someone I never thought I would become. I became bitter, cold-hearted, selfish, mean, catty, hateful and mean-spirited. (There are more horrible adjectives, but I will spare you. I think you get the picture.) I started talking ugly about people and didn't let off. I lashed out at people who didn't deserve to be struck down by my anger. I have gone to those people and apologized and they have graciously told me that it's okay. I know it's not okay, but I am so thankful that they love me in spite of me.

I realized this week that I can earn other people's respect by my actions and I don't have to try to demand their respect. I also learned that I am respected by more people than I ever imagined. I tend to be very self-critical and think others feel the same way about me. I now know that other people don't see all my flaws and short-comings. I did let several of my insecurities and flaws show this week and for that I am very sorry.

I know I have been put on this earth to serve a purpose. I may not always know what that purpose is, but I know I have a purpose. Right now I know that I am supposed to focus on my husband, my kids, my family and some wonderful friends that have been placed in my life. All other things may have to take a back seat for a little while. I am still going to have days where I lose perspective, but I never want to go back to the place I was at this week. I know that I will have bad days and things will likely fall apart again, but I also know that with my amazing support system I will make it and I will make a difference along the way.