It is no secret that I have been having a tough time lately. I cannot figure out what the problem is. This time of year is hard for me, but this year seems especially difficult. Last night I was so tired that it took all my strength just to breathe. My chest was so heavy and I could do nothing but lay on the couch. I am hoping that was the worst of it and things will start getting better. Today was an okay day, so I am hopeful~ again.
Tomorrow marks the 5th anniversary of my mom's death. This may have something to do with the way I have been feeling. You'd think that after five years things would be a little easier by now, but this year things seem worse. It may be that I would have loved my mom to be a part of my kids' lives and see them in school. I see kids with their grandparents or hear kids talk about their grandparents and it makes me sad. My kids will never know their "Grandmommy." Bryson doesn't remember much about her and this makes me sad, too.
I am hoping to get through this week and weekend okay. I think the anticipation of the anniversary will be worse than the actual day.
You can read my thoughts about this from last year here.
2 comments:
I'm here, ILU!
I know it's been a bad week for you, as it has for me. It's hard to talk about it, but the 1st is so hard for me, as well as Sept. 28, the last time I saw Gwen here on earth, so from the 28th to Oct. 3rd when we found out about her death. I will always be thankful we were together when we found out, and again that was God's plan, the way it happened.
I dreamed the other night Gwen was holding Addison and loving her the way I know she would have. Talk about spoiling!!!!she would have.
We can't go back, so just have to move forward for the one's that are alive. that's the reason I want to spoil your "kids". they are a part of Gwen, so for that reason they are so special to me.
I have prayed for you all week, I wanted your week to be better, but I also wanted God to help you thru the difficult times, as He has promised.
I love you very much! Wish we could have been together at this time.
Grandmother
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