October

Tomorrow is October 1st. I have always loved October. I love the weather, football season and the fact that my birthday is in October. (It's the 18th in case you were wondering!) Growing up I would tell every one that I had a "Birth Month" and not just a birthday. I hoped it would bring me more gifts, but it didn't!



I don't love October as much as I used to. Six years ago on October 1st my mom died. (I blogged about it here a couple of years ago.) Her body wasn't found until October 3rd, so that date is her official date of death. We know she died on the first, though. She was wearing the clothes she had on at work on October 1st. One of her friends had driven home with her that day and confirmed this. So, even though her head stone says October 3, 2004 we know it was really on October 1, 2004 that she took her last breath.



I think of her all the time and still have the urge to pick up the phone and call her. I know one day I will see her again. I know that she was proud of me and loved my boys like no other grandmommy ever could. I know she knew I was taken care of and she was comforted by that.



I am thankful that my mom didn't suffer when she died. She had, evidently, lay down on her bed to take a nap after work and she never woke up. I imagine she never knew she was about to take her last breath and that she was completely peaceful when the life went out of her. There was no sign of a struggle and no indication that she suffered in any way. In that I take comfort.



Mothers and daughters have a dynamic relationship and ours was no different. I was not always the best daughter. I was not always patient. I didn't always say kind words. I didn't always show my appreciation for how hard she worked and the sacrifices she made raising two girls as a single mother. I haven't always been good at sharing my feelings and showing affection, but, I know for a fact that my mom knew I loved her.



So, even though October is a tough month for me now I will try to enjoy my "birth month" as much as I can. I know my mom would want me to do that.