Remembering

Seven years have passed since my mom's death. (I blogged about it here a few years ago. If you want to know how she died, you can read about it. I know I am always curious about how people die. Call me weird, but that's how I am.) I have thought about her every day since then. Every. Day. This year I decided to think about the good things about her and the good times we had. In the past I have thought about the things I missed about not having her here, about all the things she has missed experiencing with my kids and my family. This year I wanted things to be different~ happier. I know my mom is in a much better place than we are. I know this is not our home and my mom IS at her home. I know she is happy there and I know she is free of pain, discomfort and stress.

This year we are focusing on remembering her and telling the kids about her. Usually when they ask me questions about her, I get sad and start to cry. I don't want them to be afraid to talk to me about her and to ask questions about her for fear of me getting emotional. I want her memory to live on through me and through my kids. We decided to cook some of her favorite foods this year and to talk about some things she liked to do and would have liked to do with us and the kids. I admit that I shed some tears at dinner last night when Drew started talking about her, but they were happy tears, tears of rememberance. He talked about happy times and how she liked to have all the family around her that she could. She liked to be right smack in the middle of all the action! It was not out of character for her to drive 5 hours to Houston to attend a birthday party for one of my cousin's kids. She would drive up to Oklahoma City to dog sit her aunt and uncle's dog. She would drive to our house in Watauga after working all week just to see Bryson for a couple of hours. She would go out of her way for her family and friends. She was loved by many and showed her love through her actions.

Friday night we had egg and cheese sandwiches. She would make those for me and Jamie quite frequently for breakfast. She always put Miracle Whip on the bread. It gave it just the right amount of tang. It was yummy then and it is yummy now! You should try it! Yesterday we made a big breakfast. She would cook us a big breakfast on the weekends. She made the BEST hashbrowns! I made some yesterday, and I must say that they were pretty tasty! Today we made chocolate chip cookies. She just used the recipe on the package of chocolate chips, so I did the same. I haven't eaten one, yet, but I know they will remind me of when I was a little girl. I will have some milk with it, also, just like I used to. For dinner tonight, we made hamburger patties, rice and gravy. We threw in some mixed vegetables just so we wouldn't feel so bad about the gravy! My mom was known for cooking simple, yet tasty meals. She was also known for making meals that weren't the most healthy! That's probably the reason I battle my weight every day of my life! Thanks, Mom!

I miss my mom. I miss the way she kept everyone in the family informed about everyone else in the family. Sure she drove me crazy at times, but I would give anything to be driven crazy by her for just one more day. Since my mom has been gone, I have pretty much lost touch with most of her side of the family. My grandparents are the only ones who make an effort to see me (us) or have anything to do with me (us). I don't know why that is, but I do know this wouldn't have happened if my mom were still here. She was definitely the glue that held everyone together. I may never know why I have become an outcast, but I do know that my mom loved me and would not have let that happen if she were still here.

So, I will continue on with my little family and continue remembering her and the fun times we had together and the good food she made for us. I have learned that life is short and you cannot take one moment for granted. Tomorrow is not promised to us and every day we must try to be the best we can be. I know my mom was a Christian just like my sister was and I am. I have faith that I will see her one day and that all my questions will be answered. I do not know why things happen the way they do, but I do know that God's plan has purpose and that all things happen for a reason. I will continue to remember my mom and hope that her love for her grandkids will be passed on through me.