The Flu

I have been trying not to worry about the flu this year. So far, I have not been very successful. I will just admit it, the flu scares me. The day after my sister was diagnosed with the flu (back in 1992) I found her dead laying on my bed in my room. An autopsy revealed that she died from pneumonia brought on by the flu. Mistakenly, I always thought she died from something heart related. My family never talked about how she died. The memory of her death was so painful that we just didn't talk about her. It was our way of dealing with it, I guess. It wasn't until my mother died five years ago that I discovered what really happened. When cleaning out my mom's house I ran across Jamie's autopsy report. I had never read it, so I did. I was surprised to learn that her cause of death was pneumonia. I didn't understand, and still don't understand, how a seemingly healthy 21 year-old could die so suddenly. Since then, I have been afraid of the flu.

This year my fears are even worse. When I turn on the news that seems to be all they talk about. Each time I hear of someone dying from the flu the memories of that awful January day come flooding back. I know I can't control everything, but I sure do try. We are just at the beginning of flu season. I will be a basket case by the time it is over.

We have all had our flu shots, but I know that is no protection. We all had our shots last year and Jackson got the flu back in February and it turned in to pneumonia. The whole week he was sick I kept thinking about what I would do if he died suddenly. I was very protective of him that week and rarely left his side. He was so little and so sick. I was so thankful when he finally started feeling better.

This year it is the swine flu as well as the regular flu. I am constantly telling my kids to wash their hands and keep their hands out of their mouths and noses. When they go to kiss me, I turn my head and only let them kiss my cheek. When I kiss them I only touch my nose to theirs. Is this crazy? I don't know. I try to be as careful as possible, but am I being too careful? Is there such a thing as too careful right now? Jackson has started talking about germs. Bryson gets scared when he hears about the swine flu. Are my fears rubbing off on them? Obviously. I don't want to freak them out, but I want to teach them to take care of themselves. I don't know how to balance it all. Working in a school certainly doesn't help! I am going to drive all of us crazy before it is all said and done.