"S" Happenings

Stock Show
Pily was in town last weekend, so we took her and the kids to the Stock Show. Her future school is right across the street, so we stopped and took her picture in front of the school's sign. Just a few more months and she will have her "official" white coat! I am super excited for her and super excited that she will just be minutes away from us!

Stinky
The kids didn't enjoy seeing the animals at the Stock Show because "they stink!" I told them that they stink too, but they didn't see the humor in it. We ended up spending most of our time paying too much money to ride the carnival rides. Yes, I know, this is what they want you to do and we played right into their hands. $4 for a ride is ridiculous, but we paid it anyway. The kids had fun, though, so that's all that matters. No, Drew didn't ride anything. He is afraid of dying on a carnival-type ride, so he just watched. I, on the other hand, love to ride rides! I am hoping one of my kids will want to ride with me when we go to Disney World this summer. I'll feel really stupid riding all by myself!

Snow
It snowed/iced here last night so we are off work! I was awake off and on all night. I just couldn't sleep very well. I could here it raining/sleeting and could hear the wind blowing around like crazy. Around 2-3 in the morning, it turned to just sleet. My alarm went off at 4 and I decided not to go to the gym. I didn't want to chance it. No workout is worth the $500 it would cost me for my car insurance deductible. At 4:30 I took a Simply Sleep and prayed for a call from the school district saying school was cancelled. I was so sleepy, but couldn't sleep, so I just took my chances that it would be cancelled and took the pretty blue pill that leads to happy sleepiness! It paid off and I was able to sleep until noonish.

Seven
The number of times the district's automated phone system called to say school was cancelled. Once the phones stopped ringing I was able to get some good sleep in.

Stuck
We are pretty much stuck in our house. Our driveway is rather steep and Drew is afraid we couldn't get back up the driveway if we backed out of the garage. This is fine, but I KNOW that cabin fever will start to rear its ugly little head if this lasts too much longer.

Sick
Jackson woke up Monday morning saying he thought he was going to throw up. He is usually pretty honest with us and knows when he is going to be sick, so I stayed home with him. He said he "threw up a little bit," but I never (thank goodness) saw any evidence to confirm this. He stayed in bed most of the morning and spent the rest of the evening watching movies with Addison in her room. By evening, he was just fine. Who knows, maybe he pulled one over on us. I probably won't be so quick to believe him in the future. And, yes, I told him this!

Stuffed
Drew has been home with us today, so he has been cooking. He brought me some yummy breakfast in bed when I was in between sleeping. I ate so much that I told him I couldn't eat anything until dinner. I got hungry around 2:00 and had a couple of oranges, though. He also made a fabulous chocolate cake. After dinner (his wonderful beans and cornbread), I had a piece. And, yes, it was as wonderful and chocolately as I knew it would be! I enjoyed every stinkin' bite!

Super Excited
We found out earlier this evening that school is closed again tomorrow! I know, I know we are going to have to make up these days, but I am going to enjoy every second right now! Snow days are just so exciting for kids and teachers!

I think that is about all the "S" things going on right now! Stay tuned, I'm sure there is more to come in the days ahead!

19 Years~ I Remember

I almost have lived without her as long as I lived with her. This is hard to wrap my mind around. Honestly, it seems like yesterday. I can't believe it has been this long. Some things you never forget. Each day in January that leads up to the 22nd, the events of that awful night 19 years ago play in my mind. I blogged about it a couple of years ago here. You can read the whole horrific story, if you want.

I remember each detail like it just happened. The sounds, smells, sights, people are just too real. I remember making the 911 call and then the call to my dad. I remember wandering through the house not knowing what to do until help arrived. I remember feeling so helpless. I remember feeling my life crash all around me. I remember the sound of her fiancee's cry when he was first told she was gone. I remember how heavy but empty my chest felt for days, weeks and months afterward. I remember how my mom seemed like a shell of herself. I remember that she and I would go days without saying a word to each other. Each greiving together, but separately. I remember cleaning out her room. I remember knowing that I couldn't sleep in my room because that is where I found her. I couldn't sleep in her room because it was HER room. I remember being 20 years old and sleeping with my mom like a toddler because I couldn't stand to be alone in that house where she died.

I remember how she and I could bring out the worst in each other. I remember how we could also bring out the best in each other. I remember knowing that she would take care of me, her little sister, when I couldn't take care of myself. I remember "borrowing" money from her always with the promise of paying her back, knowing that I never would. I remember that she never hesitated to give it to me anyway. I remember the way she would dream about being a mom and raising her own kids. I remember her laugh and her smile. Her cry and her scowl. Her anger and her joy.

I remember how we were afraid to say her name afterward because it hurt so badly. I remember going with my mom to choose her headstone and how she wanted it to be perfect. I remember turning my head when passing the cementary because I couldn't stand to see it. I remember my mom's silent tears that seemed to come out of nowhere. I remember how my mom and I would take our anger and hurt out on each other because we just didn't know what else to do. I remember feeling alone.

I REMEMBER.

Bullet Points

Pily has "reprimanded" me for not updating my blog more often, so here goes. Oh, and these bullet points are not in chronological order. I don't really care to be that organized!

• I took Addie shopping with me on Thursday. I wasn't planning on buying anything. I just wanted to look and try some things on. I NEVER try anything on, but I need to right now because I'm not really sure what size I am. I took Addie and some clothes into the fitting room and she thought that was really fun until I started taking off my pants! I think I freaked her out a little bit. I had to explain to her why I was taking my clothes off in a store! Remember, I NEVER try anything on so she hasn't experienced a fitting room before! After I was finished, she thought it was funny that I took my clothes off in a store! I guess I should get her out more often!
• Pily has decided to go to medical school in Fort Worth and we are VERY excited about that. We can't wait for July 19th to get here! We can go see her anytime we want and she can come hang out with us in her spare time! Ha! We probably won't get to see her as much as we think we will, but maybe she will come over for some food every once in a while!
• Speaking of Pily, she was here last weekend and into the week. She was able to hang out with us for several days and see just how exciting we really are. I don't think she will ever be the same! Ha! Seriously, we are VERY boring! On Tuesday, she and Addie spent the day together. They went to Let's Jump and Jason's Deli for lunch. Then they read books and Pily painted Addie's toe nails. That sounded like a near-perfect day to me! Addie was really upset when Pily had to leave the next morning. She will be back, though!
• Nancy and I are running again. I didn't think I would ever want to run again about six weeks ago, but never say never, I guess! We aren't going to run every weekend, maybe just every other weekend. Whatever fits into our schedules. We are also going to start off with some shorter runs. Hopefully I can get my body used to running gradually and it won't hurt so much as we increase our mileage. I WANT to enjoy running, so I just need to take it slow at first and build up gradually.
• I found an awesome app for my phone last weekend. It's called Nike Women's Training. We tried some of the workouts this week and let me just say that they are tough! My abs may never be the same! They were so sore I couldn't even take a deep breath without hurting. I am still a little sore from our first workout on Monday. I like that we have found a way to change up our workouts. I was ready for a change and so were my muscles. I have felt muscles I didn't know I had! Plus, the time goes by really quickly because there is no time to rest.
• Bryson has his first basketball game today. He is playing with the YMCA this year. Hopefully he will have a good time and continue to enjoy it.
• I have finally lost 20 pounds since last July. I have actually hit my original goal, but I lowered it 5 pounds. I want to have a little cushion when I am trying to maintain my loss. It has been tough, but rewarding. At least now I KNOW I can do it and I know how to do it the right way. The loss was slow, but hopefully I can keep it off. I am determined to get it off and keep it off. I want to be healthy and teach my kids how to live a healthy life. I don't want them to have to lose a large amount of weight when they are older. It is easier to maintain than to lose a large amount, so hopefully some of my good habits will rub off on them!

That's about all that is going on. I will try to take and post some pictures next time!

Happy New Year!

I just had to document this for Kelly~ Her LAST diet Coke!





This may come as a shock to you, but we aren't very exciting people. I know, I know, that is some hard news to take in. We don't go out a lot. We enjoy spending time at home. just relaxing.

This year for New Year's Eve we asked Drew's brothers and their families if they would like to come hang out with us. Unfortunately, David had to work, but everyone else was able to come. We just sat around and talked and ate dinner. Nothing fancy~ Drew just grilled hamburgers and the kids had hot dogs. Again, we aren't very exciting!

The kids, on the other hand, enjoy some excitement. The eight cousins played together~relatively well. It's hard to have complete cooperation when the ages range from 3 to 11, but they were pretty good.

Since I don't have much family, I enjoy it when everyone gets to hang out together. We don't do it often enough, so hopefully this year we can work on that. We all live within 15 miles of each other, so it really shouldn't be a big deal to get together every once in a while. I really want to kids to grow close to their cousins, also. I always loved being around my cousins when I was younger and still enjoy seeing them whenever I can.

We did make it to midnight~ New York time! We didn't quiet make it until midnight night our time, but close enough! Maybe next year we will make it.

Today was spent just laying around watching TV. We watched the Rose Bowl Parade (When I say "we" I mean "me.") and watched some bowl games. So, our new year started off quietly and uneventful. Which is just how I like it!



Jackson in his room. They watched Scooby Doo for a little while and thought the burping and "gassing" scene was especially funny!

Jonathan and Bryson, the "big boys" watched Clone Wars on the laptop. They didn't have too much to do with the younger kids. I guess they are at "that age." Our boys are growing up.

These three spent quite a bit of time together. Here they are in Addison's room listening to a book on CD.

Kelly, Carrie and Matthew

Again, the scene in Scooby Doo was pretty funny!

Kian and Addison "reading" books in her room.

Kian drying Addison's hair. He has two older sisters, so he is comfortable playing with the girls!

Oh, there was a lot of play fighting, too!

Addison and Landri just love each other!

HAPPY NEW YEAR, FRIENDS!

I hope 2011 is good to you!

Better Late Than Never!

I know, I know, it has been too long since my last post. I am just going to start typing and see what comes out.

We have started giving the boys an allowance. We tried this in the past with Bryson, but I think he was too young to really understand what was going on. Here is what we came up with: The first week they do their chores without complaint they will receive $1 each. The next week they do their chores without complaint they will each receive $2 each. This will continue each week until their reach their maximum of $5. It will remain at $5 per week as long as they do their chores without complaint. As soon as they complain about doing their part in our family, they drop back down to $1 per week and have to earn their way back up to $5. So far, we are on week 3 and they haven't complained about keeping their rooms clean, emptying the trash cans, taking out the trash and recycle things, cleaning their bathroom and vacuuming the house. I am only out $6 so far and it has been good. Drew didn't think it would last this long, but they have proved him wrong. They have also learned that money is hard to earn and it doesn't go as far as we want it to.

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We spent the first week of Christmas break in Oklahoma. I LOVE being up there with my grandparents. I know they won't always be around, so we are going to try to spend as much time as we can with they while they are still here. My granddad wasn't feeling too well while we were there and that is always hard to see. I hate seeing him suffer and in pain. He seems to have many more bad days than good days and I know it must be hard to live like that.

The first night we were there Addison kept complaining that her stomach hurt. She finally threw up early in the morning. Bryson followed suit the next evening. I was so afraid that the rest of us would get whatever they had, but we never did. Thank goodness! I become CRAZY when someone is sick! I HATE stomach bugs and go a little nuts. Hopefully, it will not resurface. Enough about that!

We came home on Christmas Eve and spent Christmas morning at our house. We haven't done this many times since we have been married and it was nice. I liked not having to load up all the presents and Santa stuff and take all of that with us out of town. We may have to do that again next year.

This week we have just spent some time at home relaxing and hanging out. It has really been a good relaxing break and hopefully will allow us to get through to Spring Break! I'm not sure how many weeks away that is, but I will assume that it is around 10.

They boys are spending the night with their cousins tonight, so we are just a family of three for an evening! Addison is enjoying the extra attention and I am enjoying not having to listen to fighting sounds all night! If you have boys, you know the sounds I am talking about!

I know this wasn't a very interesting post, but I plan on coming back in the NEAR future with something a little better. Right now I am going to go lay on the couch and see if Drew will rub my feet! :0)

Runner's High?

I will admit that I am not a very good runner. Maybe it's my attitude that makes me a poor runner. I don't work out all my problems or lose myself in the scenery. I just try to get through it. I took up running because I knew it would change my body. I have worked out for years, but I wasn't seeing the results I wanted to see. I couldn't get rid of the 20 pounds I wanted so desperately to lose. I knew running would do it, but I also knew that I don't enjoy it.

It helped to have the half-marathon as a goal. I kept my eyes on that and that is the only thing that got me to run some days. There were days I wanted to stay in bed instead of get out in the cold, dark morning, but I wanted to be prepared to run. Some days were TOUGH. One day I made it to 5 miles and couldn't do any more. I walked and ran the remaining 4, but I felt like such a failure. I cried during my walk/run part that day and questioned why I ever thought I could do something like this. After beating myself up all week about it, I went out and ran 10 miles the following Saturday. I just wanted to prove to myself that I could do it.

Now that the half-marathon is over I don't really know how I feel about running. I still have 5 of the 20 pounds to lose. I know I can get it off if I continue to run, but I don't know if it is worth it. I am taking a week off from running in hopes that I can get some of the desire back.

I don't think I am built to run long distances. I have short, big legs and wide hips. No serious runner is shaped like me. Runners are sleek and small. I am neither of those. I could run until my feet fell off and I would never be built like a runner. I think I may be better at a 5k or 10k distance. Maybe I wouldn't have to spend an entire day recovering after a shorter run. Running anything over 6 or 7 miles just does me in. It is at those distances that I start to have a horrible attitude about running. I don't know, maybe it is just my horrible attitude right now.

Right now I am cranky and tired. I don't know if it has anything to do with the run on Sunday or not. I feel like my body is just tired. My chest is tight and I don't feel like I can take a deep breath. I feel like I want to sit down all the time. I don't even want to be around people. It's almost like a form of depression. I hope this is normal and things will regulate themselves. If this is my body's response to running, I don't think it is worth it.

Hopefully my week-long break from running will help. I think what I am going to have to do is not worry about what everyone around me is doing and just do what is right for me. I always feel like I have to be a certain size or number on the scale or perform at a level that may not be right for me. I'm not saying I don't want to better myself or push myself, I just wonder when the cost is too high.

These are some of the things I am going to have to work out in my head. I am going to have to decide what is best for me and my family for that matter. Drew has to do some of my share of the work when I am too wiped out to function after a long run. Seriously, I can barely get out of bed for several hours some days after a long run. Is it worth it? I'm starting to think it's not. Time is bed it time not spent with my kids or with Drew. It is time that he has to work extra hard when I could be helping him around the house. I have some serious thinking to do.

So, "Runner's High?" I haven't ever really experienced that. Maybe I am trying too hard and should just let my body be the guide.

NEVER AGAIN...

(Here we are at the start of the race. Notice that I am smiling. The smile faded at about mile 5. It didn't come back until we were finished and I realized that I was, indeed, still living!)

well, maybe.


Yesterday was the big run we have spent the past 12 weeks training for. I am not a runner and this was one of the most difficult physical challenges I have ever encountered. I didn't know if I could do it, but I wanted to give it a go. I decided that if I was going to run that far I needed to lose some weight. My goal was to lose 20 pounds by race day. I didn't reach my goal, but I got close. I lost 15. I still want to lose the remaining 5, so I won't give up, yet.

Pily and I talked about training for and running a half-marathon back in the Spring. We decided to just do it. I also asked my friend/co-worker/workout partner if she wanted to join us. Nancy and I already run and workout together during the week, so we just added a long run outside on the weekends. We started out with a 5 mile run and either repeated the distance the following weekend or added one mile. After 11 weeks we worked our way up to 11 miles. I won't lie and say the training was easy, but it was easier with a running buddy. I don't think I would have been able to do it alone.


( After the race. It took us a while to meet up with Drew. There were A LOT of people there. Drew was awesome to come out and support us. He even brought all the kids and Pily's mom. I think he deserves a medal!)

On Saturday we drove over to Dallas to pick up our race packet. We also spent a little time walking around the Health Expo. It was fun being around all the serious runners. Running is such a life style. I don't think I have it in me to be a serious runner. Who am I kidding, I KNOW I don't have it in me to be a serious runner! I'll just pretend occasionally!

On the way home, we went to Academy. We were second guessing our choices in running apparel. The temperature was supposed to be in the 30's and windy. We wanted layers, but didn't know how many or how thick. I guess you learn from each race and just do the best you can do. Overall, I think we made some pretty good choices, but we spent A LOT of time thinking and talking about it!

(After the race. We were biting our medals. This was Drew's idea and our tribute to the Olympics!)

We got to the Dallas early the next morning. A lot of people-watching and talking was done while we were waiting. About 30 minutes before the scheduled start we decided we had better use the restroom. Well, the other 20,000+ runners had the same idea. We decided the port-a-potties were going to be the fastest/best choice. Apparently, the thought of running that far makes people nervous and, well, let's just say that it can cause, um, digestive difficulties. At least it wasn't hot outside, but it was windy. We got to experience some, um, interesting odors. Okay, moving on...

(Me and Pily after the race. The smile was back. I think I am still delirious at this point!)

The runner were broken up into corrals depending on your running time. The fastest runners were in front, so we were WAY in the back. After the 8:00 start, it took our group almost an HOUR to get to the starting line! When we finally started, I was feeling good. Pily told us to go on without her. Nancy and I took off and I felt good. I felt fine until around mile 5. That's when I realized we still had a LONG way to go. I don't know if we started off too fast (it wasn't faster that we had been running on the weekends) or if not knowing the course was the problem, but it got harder and harder to keep going the farther we went. By mile 7 I had sworn to myself that I would NEVER do this again! By mile 10 I didn't think I would LIVE to do it again. From mile 10 to the end I was just focused on finishing. That was all I could think about. Nancy could have run faster than I did, but she stayed with me. For that, I am forever grateful.

I bought a 13.1 sticker the day before and I told myself that I could only display it on my car if I finished without walking. That $2 sticker was my motivation to finish the run. That sticker is what kept me moving. I know it sounds stupid, but that's what did it!

We finished in 2 hours and 6 minutes. Our official time is 2:06:20. My goal was to have a time right around 2 hours. I didn't make my goal, but I wasn't too far off. Overall, I am proud of my time. I just wish I could have finished a little stronger. It was rough at the end!

After we finished, we picked up our medals, a finisher t-shirt, some drinks and fruit and waited to reunite with Pily. She wasn't too far behind us, so she found us pretty quickly. After picking up our bags we went out to find Drew and the kids. At this point I told Nancy and Pily that I would NEVER do that again. There was no way they were going to talk me into running another one.

When we got home and showered I sat down and felt sick. I have felt this way after all the long runs. I don't know why I feel like that, but I do. It is a nauseous, dizziness, head-achey, shaky, feverish feeling. It goes away after several hours, but until it does I just feel horrible. This is the worst part and I KNOW it's coming every time. Maybe I am doing something wrong. I don't know.

So, a day after the run, I can't say that I will NEVER do another one. I think I MIGHT like to do ONE a year. I would also like to do some shorter runs (5k's 10k's) throughout the year to better prepare for a half-marathon. I need to learn how to pace myself and how to better prepare my body for a long run like a half-marathon. I don't want to do another one any time soon, though!

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Through all of this training I have to say that Drew has just been the best husband. He has been very supportive of me and has let me do what I need to do to train. On the days when I came home from a long run feeling sick he let me stay in bed as long as I needed to. He would even bring me food in bed and he took care of the kids so I wouldn't have to. I know this has been hard on him and I really appreciate all of his support. I love you, Sweetie!