30 Days of Truth~ Day 3

Day 3~ Something you have to forgive yourself for.

Again, I have so many. First and foremost, I must forgive myself for not being a good daughter. Oh, how selfish I was growing up (and still struggle with). I only thought of myself and didn't really care about what was going on with other people. My mom and I didn't see eye to eye on very many things. I know now (since I am a mother) that she was just looking out for my best interest, but I didn't know that then. Then, I just thought she was trying to take the fun out of everything and I showed my resentment by being mean, rude and hurtful. How I wish I could take back all the mean, hurtful, disrespectful things I did. I know I can't take them back. I can't even ask my mom for forgiveness since she is no longer here, but I also know that I have to forgive myself. If I knew then what I know now, I certainly would have acted differently. But, the truth is, I did what I did and have had to live with the consequences~ guilt, shame, being shunned by family, etc. I know I can't take it back, but I can move forward. To move forward, I must forgive myself. I can only hope and pray that I will have open communication with my own children, so they won't have to go through some of the things I did. I will say that I have learned from my mistakes and really think about how my actions will affect others before I act. That doesn't mean that I still don't make mistakes, I am human. But, I am more aware of my actions and how they affect others than I was when my mom was still here. Mother/daughter relationships are difficult at best, but mine and my mom's was more than difficult. I said things just to hurt her and did things to her just to make her mad. I am not proud of these things and know that some people still hold these things against me, but I must forgive myself to move forward. I know I am a different person than I was just a few short years ago and will hopefully grow even more as the years pass. So, although I am ashamed of my past behavior, I must forgive myself. Hopefully, my mom knew I loved her and felt my love from time to time. This truth stuff is hard! :0)