Half-Marathon

Yesterday I ran my third half-marathon. The morning started off cool, in the 30's, and was expected to get into the 50's~ perfect running weather! The run was at Texas Motor Speedway. It was the first year for this run, so it was small. There were just over 2,000 runners and some of those were running the 5k that started right after the half. The course started on the infield of the track, covered most of the surrounding property and ended with a lap around the track. How many people will be able to say they ran a lap around Texas Motor Speedway?

I started off strong.  I felt great. The first few miles were painless. I wanted to finish under 2 hours. Our pace was right under a 9 minute mile. That would give us some wiggle room at the end. After mile 3 I started counting down the miles~ only 10 to go.

Nine, still feeling good.

Eight, right on track.

Seven, my hip was starting to tighten, but nothing unbearable.

Six, I never saw that marker.

Five, we headed back to the area surrounding the track. I was breathing a little harder, but I was still feeling okay.

Four, started to realize just how much farther we had to go.

Three, only a 5k left. I can do this.

Two, I'm dying. Why do I do this to myself? This is stupid. You can do it. I want to walk. No, I won't allow myself to give up. I'm never going to do this again. I am strong. I hurt. Keep going. Then I saw Drew. Around mile 10 I told myself that I had to keep going because Drew would be waiting. I didn't know where I would see him, but I knew i would see him somewhere.

One, back on the track. Oh my goodness, this is the biggest track I have EVER seen. I heard the announcer say someone going across the finish line finished in 1 hour, 47 minutes. I knew I would have to maintain a decent pace if I was going to finish under 2 hours. At this point, it felt like I was going so slow. My legs were so heavy. My hips were tight and burning. I was sweating and breathing so hard. This is when I had to MAKE myself keep moving. I had to will my body not to stop. The embankment didn't help my right hip any. Because of it, my right side didn't extend as far as my left side did with each step. That was so uncomfortable. Pain had set in and I knew it was staying until the end.

Finally, I saw the finish line, but it still seemed so far away. When I dream about finishing a race I always sprint across the line. I had nothing left in my tank. There would be no sprinting. I was doing good to keep moving forward. Bryson was on the  side of the track yelling for me to keep running. He ran several yards along side me, also. I crossed the  finish line in 1 hour 59 minutes. I made it under 2 hours. Just barely, but I did it! I love it when Drew and the kids come to my races. Just seeing their smiling faces at the end makes all the pain worth it.

Afterward, we walked around a little, found something to eat and drink and just tried to keep moving a little bit. Once I was home I took a shower and sat down. I didn't get up much the rest of the day. I had a horrible headache and felt feverish. This happens occasionally and I don't know why. I had a headache all day and evening and woke up with it this morning. I think it is finally gone. I guess putting that much stress on your body can do that to you. I feel better now. I am going to take it easy with my workouts this week and jump right back into training next week. We will run another half in 6 weeks.
Hopefully, we can beat our time on that one!

Jackson ran the 5k. He placed 5th in his age group. I didn't get to run with him, so we are going to do one together soon. I am proud of him and his enthusiasm for running!

Jury Duty

I was picked to serve on a jury last week. It was a sexual assault case. To say I was nervous is an understatement. I realize what a huge responsibility it is to serve on a jury and have a say in the future of another person's life. I went in with an open mind ready to listen to all the facts. After the first day of testimony, I could have gone either way. After the second, I knew the guy was guilty. After the third day and the judgement phase of the trial I knew he should be locked up for several years. He showed no remorse for his actions and even tried to blame as many other people as he could for all his run ins with the law. He was portraying himself as the victim. We ended up finding him guilty (obviously) and sentencing him to 6 years in prison. I really wanted him to serve 9-10 years, but we had to agree on a term. Everyone ended up having to compromise (some more than others) so we settled on 6.
Young people (not all, of course) seem to think they can do whatever pleases them a the moment without thinking about the consequences and long term effects of their actions. (I guess I shouldn't just say young people, but some people. These people just happened to be relatively young.)  When you combine alcohol, drugs and sex the outcome is never going to be positive. One of the character witnesses for the defendant while explaining their night of partying said, "You know, everyone does it." I wanted to stand up and say, "No, not everyone does it!" Some people justify their behavior by saying that everyone does it so it must be okay. It's not okay to drink until you can't remember, use illegal drugs and think you can have sex with someone just because you are in their apartment and they are passed out in their bedroom. IT IS NOT OKAY!!!
This was not considered a "violent" crime. There were no weapons used. No one was physically injured. Those were the reasons we could only choose a sentence between 2 and 20 years.
I keep thinking about the people involved in this case (victim, witnesses, defendant, parents, family members) and what 6 years seems like to them now. For some it is not long enough. For others it is too long. Yes, six years will pass and the guy will be out of prison. My hope and prayer (yes, I have prayed for him and all involved) is that he will receive the treatment he needs and will come out a reformed man. I know the odds are against him, but there is always hope. My hope and prayer for the victim is that she will be able to pick herself up and change her lifestyle so it doesn't include the things mentioned above. She has a daughter who deserves to grow up with a sense of right and wrong. I pray she will get the counseling she so desperately needs to move on with her life in a positive and productive way.
This case was emotionally draining, but I'm so glad and thankful that I got to be a part of it. I learned a lot about the judicial system and the order of things in a court room. I also learned a lot about my stance on things relating to this case. I am, however, ready to get back to my little life of work, kids, football games, family and spending time at home. I am extremely blessed and thankful for my quiet, undramatic little piece of this world!

Bullet point update

• We have finished two weeks of school. Reality has set in that this is an every day thing! My body is trying to get used to the routine. I go through this every year, but it never gets easier.
• Drew is back in action! The doctor said he can go back to driving and most of his normal activities, but he can't lift, push or pull with his right arm. I guess he forgot about this when he decided to trim the bushes and trees yesterday~on a ladder! It is amazing to me that just six short weeks ago our lives could have turned out so differently. I am thankful every day that his accident wasn't worse than it was. He will probably always have some range of motion or strength limitations and the nerve in his leg bothers him daily, but I am thankful he is still alive and didn't have a serious head injury.
• Jackson is training for a 5k in October. He runs at school during the week and he and I run on Sunday mornings. I enjoy spending that time with him and he seems to like it, too. We ran 1.25 miles today and he didn't stop. Our goal is to not walk on the Sunday runs.
• I am training for a half marathon again. I will run one in October and another one in December. We ran 7 miles on Saturday. The temperature was awesome, but is was very windy. I am looking forward to running, but with the way my knee has been feeling it may be my last year to run long distances. I know I've said that before, but I have really been in a lot of pain daily. I may have to stick to shorter distances or mud runs.
• Bryson has started playing football at school. His first game is next Monday. I am looking forward to having a son in athletics. Hopefully he will get some playing time since his daddy is one of the coaches! 
• Addison LOVES kindergarten! She has a great teacher and is excited to go to school each morning! 
• Drew made bacon wrapped jalapeños and hamburgers for dinner. They were good!
• Addison had her first soccer game yesterday. She got embarrassed, started crying and ran off the field. She did tell me after the game that she gets it now and will do better next week! We'll see!
• Drew started running again last Thursday! I almost forgot to mention this! He wakes up at 4 when I do and goes for about 45 minutes. He says it's slow going right now, but I didn't think he would even be able to run this soon.  He is trying really hard to get in shape and I am very proud of him!
• 38 more weeks until summer! These are total weeks, not school weeks! You know I like to count down.
• I'll be back with more later!

A big, hot mess

My weekend SUCKED! I know most people only post about the good things that happen in their life, but not me, not today. I read several blogs and have many Facebook friends and I often find myself comparing my life to theirs. I usually end up feeling horrible about myself. How can they cook a wonderful meal, spend quality time with their children, finish their crafts, have a perfectly clean house and manicured yard, lose __ # of pounds and fit in a weekly date night with their husband??? My life is just not that perfect. I am a hot mess, have a HORRIBLE temper, get stressed easily, take things out on the people closest to me and retreat when I feel like I can't take it any more. I won't go into details, but just know that I may be in need of some prayers. Prayers for patience, tolerance, energy, and for my family and friends to be able to love me at my worst. We start work again tomorrow and I will be honest in taying that I haven't even thought about school, yet. So, yeah, I feel like a complete and total loser right now. I know things will get better. They always do. It's just hard to see how things will work out for good when you are in the middle of the mess.

As for Drew, he is doing better and is able to do most things that don't involve raising his hand above his head, lifting or pushing and pulling. He still can't drive, but hopefully that will change in a few more weeks. Then he will start physical therapy. That will just add one more thing to our wonderful schedule. (Sarcasm is a wonderful thing.)

Oh, and just because I know some people expect it: only 287 more days until Summer 2013!

Update...

We've had a few uneventful days and that's just the way I like it! Drew is feeling better and is able to do much of his self care. I still have to help with showers and baths and shaving. He can do just about everything else. Of course, he can't cook, clean, do dishes, do laundry, vacuum, etc., but that's why we have kids! Seriously, the kids have been great and are helping out willingly around the house. I know that could change quickly, but I'll count my blessings while I can! We go back to work on Monday, so things may be a little hairy for a while until we get a schedule and routine that works for us. It's all a learning process.

I registered Addie for school today. I can't believe it's time for her to be in school, but she's ready. I can't wait to see how much she learns this year!

There's not a lot to report today. We are still waiting to hear from the doctor about scheduling Drew's EMG. His leg still bothers him all day and is worse at night. We need to find out what is going on with that. His shoulder pain is getting better. He has at least 4 and 1/2 more weeks before he can drive. He will also start physical therapy then. We are hopeful that he will regain full strength and range of motion in his right shoulder. I am still thankful each day that the accident wasn't worse.

We have 6 more days of summer and we are going to try to enjoy them to the fullest!

Friday

Drew had a pretty good day today. He is starting to move around more and his shoulder isn't as sore as it was. I am thankful. I took the kids bowling today then we went by Ms. Linda's for a while so they could play. I say a while, but I ended up staying for three hours! I love talking with her and I could have stayed much longer. I hope I didn't wear her out!

I made BLTs for dinner tonight and they were good! I had a loaf of tomato basil bread from Panera and some Wright's bacon. Wright's is the only way to go. I was a short order cook tonight and everyone got to choose what they wanted on their sandwich. I had pepper jack cheese, bacon (of course!), mayo, tomato and arugula. I ate every last crumb! The kids ate all of theirs, too.

Tomorrow I am planning on going to the gym for kickboxing and body pump.  Then I am going to have a little selfish time at the pool by myself listening to my audiobook. Drew wants me to do this, so who am I to argue?!? Some of his friends are coming over to visit with him, so I need to get out of the way. The kids may end up at the pool with me, but I will still be relaxing. I need a little relaxation after the last two weeks! I don't think I will even feel guilty this time!

We have ONE more week of summer break. I don't know how things are going to work out once school starts, but I know we will manage. We have had AMAZING support from family and friends so far and I KNOW I have people I can call on if I (we) get into a bind. I know we are allowed to experience hardships for different reasons. I just hope and pray God will be glorified through all of this and we will grow in our faith as we travel this journey. Thanks for checking in!

Thursday

Today was a fairly normal summer day for us. I woke up early this morning and couldn't go back to sleep so I went to the gym for an hour. When I got home I took a shower and ate breakfast with Addison. All the boys in the house were still sleeping so we had some quality girl time. She talked my ear off and I loved every minute of it! When she gets started she doesn't stop! Addie and I went to Academy to exchange some shorts I had bought the day before, went to the pediatricians office to pick up a copy so her shot records so I can register her for kindergarten next week then we went to Kroger to get some groceries. When we got home Drew had the boys vacuuming and doing laundry. He was using them as his hands. They were pretty good sports about it, too, so I am thankful for that. After all that was done I took 2 benedryls. I was stung by a bee a couple of days ago and the sting site was pretty angry! Oh, my, goodness I got so sleepy! I ended up taking a THREE hour nap this afternoon. Seriously, three hours and I could have slept longer but I had to take Addie to soccer practice. While we were at practice one of our friends dropped off some BBQ for dinner. It was so yummy and we are thankful for people who care about us. This has been such a blessing through all of this. After dinner Drew and I watched the season finale of Dallas. I am thankful for an uneventful day. Tomorrow I plan on taking the kids out for a little while to do something fun.

Drew's shoulder seems to be healing well and the pain has subsided a lot. He still cant use that arm so I am still taking care of most of his personal needs, but he can use his hand a little bit. His main complaint right now is his left leg. That is the side the truck struck. He has been experiencing numbness, a buzzing feeling and shooting pains in that leg. He is going to have an EMG done sometime in the near future to see if there is some nerve damage. Hopefully it is nothing that can't be reversed or fixed. His leg really gives him trouble at night and last night he said he was almost in tears. Drew does not cry~ever, so I know it really hurts. If you feel led would you pray for comfort for him and for the doctors to be able to find the cause of his pain? Thank you so much for checking in with us and for lifting us up in prayer.

Not Fun Times

Drew has had a rough couple of days. I thought it would be a good idea to get out of the house a little yesterday. We went to lunch (Addie tagged along) and ventured out to Walmart. I know, I know, even when ou are fully healthy Walmart is a beating! I needed some things and we needed some groceries, so I was trying to get it all in one place. Drew can't really eat very well because of his left hand not working properly and he really wasn't very hungry, but he was a good sport and went along. At the store I could tell he was losing energy quickly. When it was time to check out I thought he was going to have to go sit down. It just really wiped him out. Less than two weeks ago he was jogging three miles a few times a week and now he can't walk around Walmart for 45 minutes without getting exhausted. It's really sad. He hasn't been sleeping very well at night, either. He falls asleep for 30 minutes or so and wakes up because he is uncomfortable. His left thigh is really starting to bother him. It feels numb when he touches it, but it has a burning sensation on the inside. That's the side the truck hit, so I'm sure there is some nerve damage. His left knee is still swollen and sore, too. Today he is running a low grade temperature. We go back to the doctor tomorrow afternoon for his post-op appointment. This whole ordeal is really wearing him down emotionally and physically. He is starting to wonder how he will be able to work in a couple of weeks. If you feel lead, please pray for him and all that is going on right now. This is hard on him, me, the kids and our family as a whole. My friends have tried to lessen the burden by sending food and gift cards to restaurants. Drew's family has taken the kids several times, too. That has helped SO MUCH! I am so appreciative of the help we have been given and feel blessed to have giving people in our lives. Now if we could just get Drew to heal really fast we would be in business!

Saturday

I keep having to remind myself what day it is. Time is strange right now. I almost feel like I did right after I had my babies. Time is passing, but time doesn't matter. When you are getting up several times during the night and sleeping during the day, time takes on a different look.

Drew slept in the recliner last night. I use the term sleep loosely. He didn't get restful sleep, but dozed off here and there. Jackson was so sweet and slept on the couch so he could help his daddy if he needed it. I got up a couple of times to check on him and to change the ice in his ice machine. He can't unhook himself from the ice machine with his left hand so he is stuck in the chair until someone unhooks him.

I took Drew's advice this morning to take some time to take care of myself. I went to the gym for Turbo Kick and a Body Pump class. It was good to take my mind off of things for a couple of hours. When I got home I gave Drew a makeshift sponge bath. He can't get his upper body wet, so we've had to come up with a solution. He stands in the tub and I wash him from the waist down. He can't do it with his left hand and arm the way it is. Believe me, there are a lot of jokes and laughs going on during this process. Sometimes you just have to make the most of the situation. He is in pain, but I can still make him laugh!

After he got cleaned up I decided to tackle the yard. The weed eater is going to be the death of me. Also, there must be some art to blowing the cut grass in the street with the blower. I think more gets stuck on my sweaty body than gets in the street. I'll figure it out, eventually. I did decide, though, while I was mowing that the grass can be cut every two weeks instead of every week. I won't win any awards, but I won't get a citation from the city. Every two weeks will have to suffice.

Drew's brother, David, came by to pick up the kids and take them to his house for a little while.  Then they are spending the night with Gram and going to church with her in the morning. They have been so nice (along with Matthew and Carrie and our friends Toni and Kirk) to take the kids for a while so Drew can rest. I don't know if we can ever repay them for their kindness. So, Drew and I are just hanging out together trying to rest and catch up on some Olympics action. We are watching yesterday's events now and should make it to today's soon. Hopefully, Drew can get some restful sleep tonight and have a little less pain tomorrow.

Food Glorious Food and an update on Drew

We have been so blessed by people offering to bring food to our house. It seems like such a small thing to the giver, but to the receiver it is huge. I have not had to think about what to fix for dinner and that has been wonderful! For lunch we make sandwiches or eat leftovers, so it's the gift that keeps on giving! If you have brought us food or are on the schedule to bring us food, THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! We have been blessed!

Now for an update on Drew:

Before his surgery he was injected with a nerve block. It made his shoulder, arm and hand completely numb. It did, however, start to wear off in the middle of the night. It was only suppose to last 18-24 hours so we were expecting that.  His pain today was an 8-9 on the pain scale even with Vicodin. He was pretty miserable, but that is to be expected. He didn't sleep well last night, so that just added to the misery. I have kept him on the ice machine since we got home yesterday, so hopefully that is keeping the swelling down. He was ordered to stay on it for 72 hours so we will do that. He tried to get up every once in a while to walk around the house so he wouldn't be sitting all day. Now that his right hand isn't numb he can feed himself as long as I cut everything up for him. He has to rest his arm on the table and just move his hand at the wrist. Then he pokes his food with the fork and turns his hand toward his mouth. It's not very mannerly but it gets the job done! I'm sure tomorrow will look very much like today. At least we have good tv to watch~ Olympics! Hopefully each day will get a little better. I have been staying busy cleaning, doing laundry and attending to his needs. To quote a line in Bugs' Life, "It's our lot in life. It's not a lot, but it's our life."

Surgery Day

Drew just went back and I am sitting in the waiting room. Apparently when people wait they eat. I am sitting here listening to wrappers crinkling and mouths crunching. Maybe only "quiet" foods should be allowed in waiting rooms! Also a teenage boy is listening to music on his phone while watching a movie on his laptop while NOT wearing headphones! Really?!? The Olympics are playing on tv, but I can't hear the announcers from all the crinkling, crunching, music and bombs blowing up on the laptop! People aren't quiet in their conversations, either. I was hoping for a quiet, relaxed time waiting for Drew and praying for a successful surgery. I am going to try to overlook the craziness in here and focus on the fact that Drew will be finished soon and we can go home! I will update more later. I can't even think right now!

UPDATE:

We are home! Drew slept for a little while and has just eaten some lunch. He couldn't feed himself so Addie did it for him! She was very attentive. This may be her new job! He can't grip a fork very well with his left hand and he can't turn his hand at the wrist to get the fork to his mouth. It's pretty sad when my big, strong husband can't feed himself. Addie will be a great helper, though!

The boys have gone home with Cheryl and will spend the night with Kelly and her boys.  Addie has soccer practice and will spend the night with a friend afterward. I am SO THANKFUL for family and friends who have stepped in and offered to help. I couldn't do it without them. Drew won't be able to drive for at least six weeks, so I am going to have to get over my insecurity about asking for help. This is going to be a good growth period for me. We will just be hanging out at home tonight watching the Olympics. Drew is hooked  up to an ice machine, so he is stuck in the house. Not that he would want to go anywhere anyway! He is suppose to keep that on for three days. He may get cabin fever before its all said and done!

We are just going to play it by ear eah day and take it as easy as possible. We have a couple of weeks before we have to go back to work, so this will be some good recovery time. I will update more later. Thanks for checking in with us!

10 Positives

I could choose to feel sorry for myself and our current situation, but I am going to make a conscious effort to be positive. I've spent a lot of time thinking about all that has transpired over the last five days. These are my positive thoughts:

1) Drew and I get to spend A LOT of extra time together! Since this happened in the summer it makes it a little easier than if it would have happened while we were working. I'm a little over protective of him right now, so I am very near him all the time. I don't think he minds. ;0)

2) My kids are learning to do things around the house that we should have taught them to do long ago. Generally, they seem happy to help out. I know the novelty will wear off eventually, but they are doing pretty good right now.

3) Bryson is at an age where he can watch the younger two for us when we need to leave the house for a little while. If this would have happened a couple of years ago we wouldn't have been able to do that.

4) Drew's brothers and their families and Drew's mom have been awesome during all of this. They have kept the kids busy and let them spend the night a couple of nights right after Drew got hurt so I could focus my attention on him.

5) My friends have been AMAZING! They are bring us meals galore and act interested even when they hear me tell "the story" for the umpteenth time! It helps to be able to talk about it sometimes. I'm just trying to work through my thoughts. One friend has helped take Addison and Jackson to soccer and baseball practice. I am usually uncomfortable asking for help, but I am starting to learn that people like to help. I am thankful for friends who will step in when needed and usually without even asking!

6) Drew is starting to be able to do some things for himself. This will be short lived since after his surgery on Thursday his arm and shoulder will be immobilized, but I will take it while we have it.

7) I ordered Drew a Bathroom Buddy. Google it! You will see why this makes my list of positives! :0)

8) Drew and I went to a movie together today. It was not a kid movie. I can't remember the last time we did that! It was fun to spend time together and I didn't have to keep little hands out of my popcorn!

9) I am learning to do things that Drew never let me do. He usually mows the grass (wouldn't even consider letting me do it!), keeps up with the laundry, cooks all the meals and cleans the house. Yep, I'm usually pretty worthless! Really, I do things, but he does MOST of the things around the house. Yes, he treats me like a princess!

10) He can still move his hand to rub my feet! I don't ASK him to do this, he just does it! It's good physical therapy, right?!?

I'll stop my list at 10. I know I will have some hard days, but today I am  choosing to look on the bright side!

With a Willing Heart...

You never realize how much someone does for you until the can't do it anymore. With Drew down I realize just how much he did for us! I have always known that I have it a lot better than a lot of people, but, my goodness, he works his booty off! No wonder he is always exhausted! Right now I have to do almost everything for him. With his good shoulder hurt and his other shoulder and arm not very useful it makes it difficult for him to do even the simplest of tasks. I'm not complaining, at all. I just know that I have to step up my game and work that much harder. I always feel a little guilty during our time off in the summer because I rest so much, so now I won't have a chance to feel guilty! I don't mind helping him. I WANT to help him. I am so thankful that he didn't have a head injury or a more debilitating injury. I will do everything I need to do and teach the kids how to help me. Yes, they will be helping. They are going to have to step up, also. It will be good for us to have to work together through all of this. They will probably have a new appreciation for the amount of work it takes to keep a home and family running. I'm not saying it is going to be easy or things won't get difficult during our journey. I am saying that I am thankful and appreciate even more how much Drew takes care of us and does for us. Now it is our turn to take care of him.

What about the other guy?

So many people have asked me about the driver that hit Drew. The driver, D, was great through this whole thing. Right after he ran into Drew he stopped to help. Drew had a washcloth in his hand that he was running with. After he realized his head was bleeding he tried to apply pressure with the washcloth. His shoulder was hurting so bad that he couldn't do it. The driver held it for him. D is also the one who called 911. When I got there he was standing off to the side but was obviously concerned. After I brought Drew's wallet back to him D was kneeling down by Drew trying to assist. When the paramedics were ready to leave for the hospital the police weren't there yet. The fire truck had just arrived. D said he would stay and wait for the police. The paramedics had already written down all his information, so we left. Before I drove away D walked over to my car and with tears in his eyes told me how sorry he was that this happened. He asked what Drew's name was and patted my arm and said sorry again. A couple of hours after we arrived at the ER one of the nurses said there was someone on the phone asking to talk to family. I got on the phone and it was D. He just wanted me to know that he was praying for us and hoped that Drew was okay. Later on that evening Drew and I were talking about how bad D must feel. I said that he had probably been worried sick all day. We decided to drive over to his house so Drew could talk to him. We had his address from the information the paramedics took. Drew knocked on his door and when he answered you could see the relief wash over him. D shook his hand (very carefully) and thanked Drew for coming over. I'm sure that allowed him to relax a little bit. Although Drew doesn't always show it he is a sensitive guy. He knew D wouldn't be able to sleep that night and just wanted to put him at ease. I'm proud of Drew for how he is handling this whole situation. He could me angry and mad, but he is choosing to make the best of it. Being angry won't make him hurt any less. Being mad won't make it go away. All we can do is be thankful that Drew wasn't killed and try our best to be thankful in everything.

What you may not know...

Drew was in a serious accident when he was 18. He almost lost his left arm. He did lose two fingers (well, one and a bit!) on his left hand. He has very limited use of that arm and hand. Unless ou have known Drew a while or are very observant you would never notice his "disability." He's not handicapped, he's handicapable! Drew has taught himself how to use his arm to its full potential. He doesn't use his arm as an excuse. He is the hardest working person I know. Yes, he has run across things that are difficult to do with one good arm, but it doesn't stop him. He usually just says, "It really sucks to have one arm," and then finds a way to do whatever he was trying to do in the first place. He could change diapers like nobody's business! I have always told him not to hurt his right hand or arm because, "I'm not wiping your butt!" Of course, I was only joking but secretly hoping it would never a come to that! Well, after the accident today I am going to have to do something I never thoughtnid have to do! Drew was hit on his left side and landed on his right side. Sooooooooooo, it is his RIGHT shoulder that is separated and fractured. Yep, that's the good side. It looks like we are going to take our relationship to a whole new level! Seriously, though, I will do it and I will do it with a happy heart because this situation could have ended so differently. I am thankful that he wasn't hurt more seriously than he was. Drew is truly my rock and I would be completely lost without him. I may have to do some things that make me uncomfortable, but I will be thankful while I am doing them!

What happened?!?

I have told this story many times today, but I want to blog about it so I don't forget the details. This morning Drew went jogging. He has been jogging a few times a week all summer. (Yea, Drew!!!) He had been gone about 45 minutes and I got up to use the restroom. When I got back in bed I looked at my phone and noticed two missed calls from Drew. I knew instantly that something was wrong. I tried to call back a couple of times and got his voicemail. A little panic set in. Finally, I got through but I couldn't hear his voice. I did hear some muffled voices and some movement. I immediately thought he had been attacked. Why someone would attack a big guy I had no idea. I called his name several times and he didn't answer. I stopped to listen to the voices and heard a man's voice say, "I didn't see him and I hit him." That's when I sprang out of bed and ran to my car. I know his route and started to drive it. I turned the corner and saw an ambulance. As I got closer it looked like Drew was laying under a truck. I didn't have my contacts in, so I couldn't see very well! Heck, I didn't have shoes or a bra on, either! I was quite a sight, I'm sure! As I pulled up to the scene I saw that Drew was in the street but resting against the median. I threw the car into park, jumped out and went to him. There was a big pool of blood on the street and he had blood all over his head and arm. I freaked out just a little bit (again.) he looked at me and said he was okay. He said his shoulder hurt and he had a cut on his head. He calmed me down. I am not very good in emergency situations~ obviously! I've been in many emergency situations and I haven't gotten any better. Anyway, I asked what he needed me to do and he wanted me to get his wallet. I went home to get it and decided to follow the ambulance to the hospital. I drove his wallet back to him and went home again to get dresses and tell the kids to wait for Gram to come stay with them. They could stay by themselves with Bryson in charge, but I felt like they needed an adult with them in case they needed some reassurance. I put some clothes on, put my contacts in and drove back to the ambulance. I followed them to the hospital. Drew's brother, David, met me there and Pily showed up, too. Then it was just a waiting game. Drew had an X-ray and ct scan. He has a third degree separation in his shoulder and a fracture somewhere in there. He had to get 5 stitches in his head, but doesn't have a concussion. His knee is sore, and getting more sore, but he is alive. Praise God. Things could have turned out so differently. While following the ambulance I couldn't even think of what to pray. God knew what my heart was trying to say. Plus, there were so many people praying for him and us I knew we were covered! Yes, I posted this on Facebook. Some people may scoff at that, but sometimes you need support. Facebook was that support for me today. I appreciate everyone who covered Drew in prayer today. I could have been planning a funeral today instead of dealing with insurance companies and doctors. Actually, Drew has been dealing with all of that. He wants to stay busy. He is pretty rattled by the whole event, as you can imagine. There are several funny things that happened within this story today, but I will try to share those at a later time. I'm emotionally drained and think I am being summoned to dooty duty! :0)

Fun Friday

Today we had another fun day. Drew and I woke up early and went for a walk in our neighborhood. We walked for an hour and a half while the kids got to sleep late. In fact, Jackson was still sleeping when we got home at 8:30. It was fun talking and spending time together. When we got home we started getting things ready for lunch. Addison left around 11:00 to spend some time with Drew's mom (Gram). I miss her so much when she is gone! I love hanging out with her and miss her constant banter and questions! Anyway, I had invited several friends over for lunch so we had to get busy. Drew basically did everything I was just the assistant! It's better that way for everyone involved! My friends came over and we ate. Bryson and Jackson entertained their kids while we talked. It was a fun, laid back time. That's exactly how I like it. After they left, we finished cleaning up and we watched the radar. A thunderstorm was headed right for us, but broke up at the last minute. We got a few sprinkles and that was it! After we realized we weren't going to get caught in the rain we left for the Fort Worth Food Park. We weren't hungry, but the Bacon Wagon was scheduled to be there and I wanted to go. Traffic was so heavy today that it took us about an hour to get to the food park. By then, everyone was hungry again! Drew, Bryson and I had yummy bacon sandwiches. Jackson has a couple of meatball sliders and ended up eating part of my sandwich. After he tasted mine he was sorry he didn't order from the Bacon Wagon. Sometimes mom knows best! Believe me, when it comes to bacon you should NEVER choose something else! After that we came home and played a game of Clue. Drew won, but he is sneaky! Now Whale Wars is on (that is why I am blogging!) and we are relaxing in bed. What a great Friday! Next Friday we are planning on doing something we haven't done in a few years! Stay tuned!

This Week...

This week: - I became super depressed when I stepped on the scale and it showed a GAIN of 1 pound. I KNOW not to get on that stupid thing and I did it anyway. Lesson learned. It has taken me until today to climb out of the hole of darkness that I buried myself in. I would like to meet anyone who can cut herself down with negativity and self-destructive talk better than I can. I LOVE encouraging other people when they are down, but I just can't seem to encourage myself. Advice is easy to give but difficult to follow. - We FINALLY took Addie shopping for her birthday. We have been pretty busy and just haven't taken the time to do it. She did remind me one day last week that she has been VERY patient, though! It was fun shopping with her. Drew and I took her and left the boys at home. Everyone was happier that way! - I got some new running shoes. I took them out for a run on Tuesday and they felt good! I ended up going 8.5 miles and it was okay. I say okay because I have been having trouble with my back/hip. At first I thought it was my hip joint, but now I think it is a nerve in my back that is causing the pain. The pain runs down my leg all the way to my ankle and foot. It really hurts with each step, but I just grit my teeth and keep going. Running is suppose to hurt, right? My left knee has been bothering me from time to time, too, but I'm used to that pain. I've lived with that pain for most of my life, so it's not gong to stop me now. I just pop some Naproxen and keep going. I'm sure I will have to pay the price for all of this one day! - We bought school clothes for the kids. It's still hard to believe that Addie will be starting Kindergarten. Wasn't she just born??? She is so ready to be in school and I am excited to see how much she will learn this first year. - I got my iPad back from being repaired. Addie sat on it several weeks ago and cracked the screen! I'm so glad I bought the protection plan. I NEVER buy those things, but I did this time. I knew the kids would be using it, so I got it "just in case!" I'm glad I trusted my instincts this time! - I decided to clean the blinds this week. I planned on it just taking an hour or so because I was going to use Drew's shop vac to do it. Man, oh, man, was I mistaken! Once I got started with that thing I just couldn't stop! We have SO MUCH dust in our house! We dust every week, but we don't do the blinds and high things very often. (um, as in maybe once since we have lived here for over five years!) I worked for over three hours and never made it to the kids' rooms. That will have to wait for another day. I did that AFTER running 8.5 miles, so by the time I stopped I was completely worn out! - We went to see Ice Age today. There is a new theater by us and this is our second movie to see there. This is a big deal because Drew usually doesn't go to the movies unless he gets free tickets or we go to the dollar show! He's been really good about stepping out of his little box this summer. (It's just a little pathetic that going yo a REGULAR movie is stepping out of the box! We are pretty boring people, I will admit!) - We are waiting to watch Dallas tonight. It's crazy, but we look forward to Wednesday nights so we can watch that show together! - I am listening to an audiobook that I can't get enough of! It is called Kitchen House by Kathleen Grissom. I usually listen when I run or ride my bike, but I have listened to it out a the pool or just sitting Round the house. I travel back to the late 1700's and early 1800's when I listen. I love books that I get immersed in. I feel like I am part of the book and I just LOVE that. I am "saving" the end of the book for my bike ride tomorrow! I am just going to ride until it is over. I can't wait! Then, I will probably listen to it again so I can pick up some things I'm sure I missed! Love it! That's about all we have done this week! I'll be back soon!

Fun Friday

Today Drew and I had the BEST time!  I have always heard people say that you have to make time together to keep your marriage strong.  I have always believed that, but we haven't always made the time.  Now that Bryson is older and can be our babysitter it is so much easier! 

I have been getting bored with working out.  I have needed a change for a while and just haven't really done it.  I did teach boot camp for four weeks in June so that was a little different, but I still need to change it up.  I am still going to the gym on Mondays and Wednesdays to take a body pump class.  Tuesday I went to a track and ran/walked and did bleachers. I have also started riding my bike about once a week and listening to an audio book and that has been fun.  Yesterday I rode 20 miles!  I don't want to be a slave to the gym this summer, so I have been trying to change it up.  Drew has been running and riding his bike, too!  I am so proud of him and the hard work he is putting into getting healthy.  He is an inspiration! 

Anyway, we were talking about this the other day and we decided to do something together on Fridays.  Today was our first Friday to exercise together.  We went to the Fort Worth Nature Center and Refuge.  We packed a backpack full of water, Gatorade, sunflower seeds and granola.  We got a map and started hiking.  We hiked for over 2 hours!  We saw deer, birds, gar, perch, a snake, prairie dogs, racoons and lots of spiders and bugs.  We did our best to clear out all the spider webs, too!  Oh my goodness, there were a lot of spider webs!  Drew got most of them because he walked in front of me.  He carried a stick to try to break them up before he walked through them, but that didn't work so well!  We stopped along the way to eat some granola and drink our Gatorade.  Drew called it our "hippie" date!  We had a great time talking, listening and just walking in silence.  It was so much fun to be together.  Toward the end of our hike we went to the visitor's center and looked around a little bit.  (I needed to use the restroom, too, so I finally got to go there!)  We decided that that would be a great place to show the kids and will definitely go back in the future.  His legs are starting to itch, so I'm sure we will have to double up on the bug spray next time!

On the way home, we called the kids and told them to get ready to go swimming.  We stayed at the pool for a couple of hours playing and splashing around.  Then we put a movie on and took a nap.  I don't think the kids napped, but that's okay because we were the ones who needed it!

After our naps we went to a food park to eat dinner.  Everyone got to get whatever they wanted, so everyone was happy.  We finished our meals with cupcakes and snowcones.  What could be better?!

I am looking forward to more Fun Fridays with Drew.  I LOVE spending time with him.  It reminds me of when we were first married and it was just the two of us.  We love our kids tremendously, but it is good for the two of us to spend time alone together!

Our Week in Pictures

Weighty Issues

Time is passing so quickly!  I have been away from my blog for over a month.  So much has been going on, so I haven't taken the time to post.  I had the grand plan of posting several times a week this summer and I am just now getting around to it.  This is more of a journal for me than anything else, but I would like to keep it updated better than I have.  We'll see if I can manage that!

I have felt like such a loser lately.  Two years ago I set out on a journey to lose 20 pounds because I was signed up to run a half-marathon.  Eventually, I reached that initial goal, but I had changed my goal before I reached the initial goal.  Then, when I was close to reaching the second goal, I changed it again.  I came within 3 pounds of reaching the third goal and just couldn't get there.  In fact I only stayed at that lowest weight for about a week and it crept back up a couple of pounds.  During the next year I hovered around the second goal weight I had set, but always longed for the third goal weight.  (I'm not putting the actual weights on purpose!)  I ran another half-marathon and a full marathon, but I was never satisfied with my weight and always felt like I left this whole weight thing unfinished. This summer I have avoided getting on the scale.  I have known that I had gained a little bit of weight because my shorts were tighter in the legs.  Of course, that is where I gain first since that is the part of my body I am most insecure about!  Well, today I got on the scale for the first time in a LONG time and let me just say that it wasn't pretty.  I have gained about 10 pounds.  TEN.  Do you know how long it takes me to LOSE 10 pounds?  A lot longer than it takes to gain them that is for sure. I am so down on myself right now.  I know that I have a long road ahead of me if I want to lose those 10 pounds again.  It is so daunting.  Yes, I know it could be worse.  It's only 10 pounds, but it's my 10 pounds, so it is a big deal to me. 

The good thing (if there is a good thing in all of this) is that I know exactly how this happened.  I love food.  I love to eat.  Because we were training for another half-marathon and then the full marathon I was eating whatever I wanted and was able to maintain my weight.  When the marathon was over I continued to eat what I wanted but I wasn't running as much.  So, the weight crept back on.  I was aware that this was happening, but I was in denial.  I thought I was working out enough to maintain my weight.  A couple of months ago I started using Myfitnesspal.  I had it on my phone for about a year, but I never used it.  I started using it and was SHOCKED at how many calories I was eating.  SHOCKED I tell you! 

I have had to take a real hard look at what my goals are and what I want to accomplish physically.  I have had to get real with myself.  Drew and I have talked about all of this a lot.  What is important, what is not important and what I am willing to sacrifice to get what I want.  Here is what I have decided:
1) I work out enough.  I do not need to work out more than I already do.  In fact, the more I work out the more I eat because I think I deserve to eat.  That hasn't worked for me in the past, so I have to change it.  I can't keep doing the same thing and expect different results, right?  The exercising is the easy part of the equation for me.  I have a real need to work out.  I cannot go more than a day or two without working out.  I become angry, anxious and depressed when I can't work out.  I don't know if it would be considered an addiction, but it is certainly a physical need.
2) I must change the way I eat.  I have said all along that the biggest part of the losing weight equation is what goes in your mouth.  I am going to use Myfitnesspal to keep me accountable about what goes in my mouth.  Drew is also using it, so we are going to keep each other accountable and work on this together.
3) I may need to change my goal weight.  Right now I have set my goal weight at my second goal weight that I talked about earlier.  I never reached the third goal weight, so obviously that was not the right goal for me.  I am pretty muscular and I will probably always be on the upper end of the healthy weight scale.  I haven't come to peace with this realization, yet, but I know I will never be on the lower end of the healthy weight scale.  I haven't been on that end since I was 12 or 13! 
4) I need to accept the fact that I am not 20 any more!  Yes, this hurts.  I am a forty year old mother of 3.  My body has been through some tough times.  I cannot expect it to look like the twentysomethings I see on Pinterest!  I have cellulite, stretch marks, extra skin and saggy bits that I can only fix with surgery!  That isn't going to happen, so I have to come to peace with my body.  I keep telling myself that in 10 years I will wish I had appreciated my body more now.

Why do I blog about this?  Because I know I am not the only one who is going through all of this.  I know that I am not the only one who has worked hard to lose weight to gain some of it back.  I know that others think everyone has it easier than they do.  I am here to tell you that everyone struggles.  It is not easy.  Everyone slips up and has to refocus.  I am NOT going to let myself get back to where I was 2-3 years ago.  I. WILL. NOT. LET. IT. HAPPEN.  PERIOD. 

If you are looking for someone to be your friend on Myfitnesspal, let me know.  We can help each other out!  I may post about my progress from time to time.  It is not to boast or brag.  It is to inspire.  If I can beat this, I know others can too.  They may just need a little encouragement. 

Tears and lots of them

The last week of school is always so emotional for me.  Yes, I am emotionally (and physically) tired, but it goes deeper than that.  I feel so much emotion seeing the kindergarten classes graduate up to first grade and 5th grade graduate out of elementary school.  My eyes and nose start burning just thinking about it!  I am a very empathetic person.  I really feel others' emotions.  I have trouble watching movies, reading books, talking about things that mean a lot to me because I feel so much.  It's exhausting!  I learned many years ago that I had to wear waterproof mascara every. single. day.  I rarely tell a story (funny, sad, upsetting) where I don't cry at some point.  I've often told Drew that if there was one thing I could change about myself it wouldn't be the size of my thighs or butt, it would be that I wouldn't feel things so deeply. 

This week is especially trying for me.  Addison will go to Miss Linda's for the last time tomorrow.  I've known this day would get here eventually, but didn't think it would be this hard.  She has been our babysitter for 12 years, but she is so much more than that.  She has been a friend, mentor, mother and counselor.  She has also been like a grandmommy to my kids when they lost theirs.  I am going to miss seeing her and hearing her crazy stories.  I know I can still go by and see her whenever I want/need to, but I know it's not going to be the same.  She has been a wonderfully caring Godly influence in my kids' lives. 

Last night I was going through some pictures trying to find some to send to her.  I ran across one of Bryson that I took on his first day at Miss Linda's.  I remember taking that picture not realizing how special it would be to me one day.  I sat at the computer last night with tears streaming down my face because the last 12 years have passed so quickly.  I know the days seem so long some times, but the years go by so fast.

I am so thankful to Miss Linda and the investment she so selflessly gave all three of our kids. She has taught me how to love unconditionally and that sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself.  I will never forget how she would give advice and it usually turned out to be spot on.  She would also say, "When you get them figured out, let me know."  She has raised so many kids and has learned that sometimes you just have to go with the flow. 

All this to say that if you see me this week you will probably notice my red nose and watery eyes. I have had tears brewing all week.  I am excited about having Addison at school with me next year (and not having a monthy daycare payment!), but I will miss the daily interaction with Miss Linda.

Perfectly Imperfect

I am officially a loser at blogging, but that will just go along with everything else I am a loser at. (See, I even ended a sentence with a preposition. I'm a loser at grammar.) I guess I am just having a mini pity party right now. There are so many things I want to be good at but just fall short. I have not been able to get the last bit of my weight off. This really bothers me. I am going to work really hard this summer to finally do it, but I have been a loser at it so far. The last little bit is definitely the hardest to get off. I just don't understand why I am holding myself back. It makes no sense at all. I am a loser at weight loss. Facebook makes me feel like a complete loser. I am about ready to deactivate it for good. I hate it when I find out someone has unfriended me. Even if I never see or talk to that person it still hurts my feelings and I end up questioning what I did to offend the person. I am a loser as a friend and at people liking me. Pinterest makes me feel like a complete loser. I probably need to stay away from it, too. I have no style, can't decorate my house, can't cook and can't coordinate the perfect party. I suck at those things, too. I am so ready for summer break and feel like I suck as a teacher. I have little to no patience with the kids (schools and my own) and am just flat out mean some days. It doesn't help when I am around negativity for hours on end either. I I just suck. My kids and Drew are at the park right now and I should be with them, but I was too involved in my pity party to go along. I suck as a mom. I hope that my attitude will be better once we are out of school and our lives slow down a little bit. I really am thankful for my husband, kids, job, friends who haven't unfriended me and the positive people in my life. I desire to be so many things, but I am just not. I guess I will just be perfectly imperfect. I won't suck at that~ maybe.

Soccer season

I haven't posted in almost a month! We are staying busy with work and now soccer. Jackson started soccer a few weeks ago and had his first game last Saturday. I know I am his mother, but I must say that that boy is GOOD at soccer! He played defense, forward and goalie. He even scored a goal. He plays soccer at recess all the time, so I guess he has picked up his skills there. It surely isn't from me and Drew! Seriously, though, he is very athletic. Hopefully he gets some of that from us! He is just one of this kids who is naturally coordinated and athletic. He will probably be able to pick up skills for any sport he tries to play. In PE we have been playing some tennis games and he is very good at that, especially for a seven year-old. There are kids who are 12 who aren't as coordinated as he is. What I like most about watching him play is the pure joy and excitement he gets from playing. His face just lights up when he is on the field. He is gracious when he does something well and seems to take it in stride when things don't go his way. He is such a joy to have as a son and I look forward to the next seven weeks of soccer season! This summer he will play baseball! That will be fun, too!

Marathon

Our marathon date finally came. It didn't seem like it would EVER get here. I wasn't really nervous. This should have been a warning sign! The morning of the race I was fairly calm. I got up early, got ready and left to pick up Nancy. I knew we would get there really early, but we didn't want to have to deal with traffic. I ate breakfast after we got to the waiting area and we just sat around and talked and watched people.

The time went by quickly. We tried to time our trip to the restroom strategically, but didn't do a very good job! Drew, Jackson, Addison, dad and Espy showed up a little later with their signs. We had our picture taken by a guy from the local paper then we decided to go to the potty again. This time we headed outside to use the porta potties. Gross, I know, but at that point ALL of the restrooms are NASTY! Serious runners (and nervous runners) have a way of eliminating everything they need to before they run! That's all I'll say about that! I came prepared with my own toilet paper and hand sanitizer, but they were fully stocked this time! Shocking!

We made our way to our corral and waited for the start. Before long, we were off. We started off at a comfortable pace and just went with the flow of the crowd. I felt really good and before long we saw our supporters around mile 3 or so. We were talking and watching people and having a good time. Around mile 6 we saw Drew again and he said our pace was too fast. We hadn't walked yet, so I wasn't really worried. Around mile 9 we hit a HUGE hill that lasted for about a mile. We walked a little on that hill, but it took a lot out of us. It was just so LONG. We weren't talking as much after that! We saw Drew again just before the 14 mile marker. Our 1/2 marathon time was just 5 minutes slower than our best 1/2 marathon time, so I was still pretty sure we could make it around 4:15-4:20. I was tired at this point, but my spirit was still pretty good. Sometime after that, around mile 15-16 I think, things started going down hill. Our muscles started to cramp up and running became so painful. We walked some trying to give our muscles a break. That didn't work so well. We would start to run again and our muscles would immediately cramp up. We also got some cramping in our sides. It was not fun at this point and we still had a LONG way to go. I will say that I never thought of quitting, but I knew finishing was going to suck!

Around mile 20 we started talking about the end, but it still seemed so far away. We were alternating walking and running at this point. We talked to people around the way and talked about NEVER doing this again! The mile markers seemed to come so slowly. It seemed like FOREVER before we reached the next marker! I was texting Drew at the markers so he would know when to expect us. Finally, we were near the end. Once we got about 1/2 mile away we started running and just kept going despite the pain. We were ready to be DONE. We saw Drew and everyone else near the finish line and just pushed through it. Pily was at the finish line and I could hear her screaming for us. We finished in 4 hours and 44 minutes. I was a little disappointed, but it is what it is. Pily took us into the medical area to get our cramping muscles stretched out. After that we got our post-race food, finisher shirt and headed to the car. Once I sat down, I didn't think I would be able to get out of the car!

After I got home and took a shower I laid down on the bed and didn't move. Drew was real sweet and brought me some food in bed. I did manage to walk to the couch later that evening, but it was tough! I went to bed early and ended up wrapping bags of frozen peas around both knees so I could sleep! I'm sure I was quite a sight!

I managed to get up for work the next day, but I was so sore! We decided at some point during the run to take the entire week off from working out in the mornings. That was probably the best decision we have made in a while! I have enjoyed sleeping a little later and I'm sure my body has needed time to heal. I did teach and participate in boot camp this week, but I think that has helped keep my muscles loose. We will be back in action a the gym starting Monday morning.

I'm ready for a new goal, also. We have already started talking about the "next marathon!" We will definitely train differently next time. You learn something with each race. I know we can do better next time if we train differently. I don't know when the next one will be, but I'm pretty sure there will be one!

I will say that I am proud of myself for completing a full marathon. That is something I NEVER thought I could do. I can still remember when running one mile was difficult. It just goes to show you that you are capable of more than you can ever imagine. Happy running!

Bad choices

I haven't been making very good food choices lately and I am upset with myself. I've heard that the maintenance part of weight loss is the hardest. I can confirm that now. I work out 8 times a week, run over 20 miles a week and I can't lose these last 5-10 pounds. You know why?!? Because I haven't been eating well. I KNOW how to eat to lose weight, but I haven't been doing it. One reason is because I was so strict for a year. I got tired of thinking about what I could and couldn't eat. I wanted to enjoy food again. Another reason was our training for the half-marathon. I knew I needed to eat more calories, but I went a little crazy with that thinking! After the half, we decided to run a full marathon. Again, that gave me an excuse to eat whatever I wanted. In 12 days we will be finished with the marathon and it will be time to get serious again. I may use this blog as a way of staying accountable and honest about how I am eating. I would really like to lose all I want by the summer and then work on maintaining the right way without having to kill myself at the gym. I can't live this way for the rest of my life. I need to find an eating and workout schedule that will work for the next 40-50 years. What I am doing right now isn't sustainable.

Struggling

I am not perfect. Shocking, I know. No, actually, I think I am the only one who thinks I have to try to be perfect. Everyone else can see my flaws. Why do we try to be perfect when there is no possible way to be perfect? Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves? Why do we compare ourselves to others? Why do we immediately criticize others for having faults? (I actually know the answer to that one. It's because of our insecurities that we feel the need to find fault in others so we don't feel so bad about ourselves.) If we know we aren't perfect and never can be, why do we try?

Lately I have been struggling with my eating patterns. I let my guard down some because we have been running so much and now I feel like I am getting out of control. I haven't stepped on a scale in over a month now and don't plan to any time soon. My clothes still fit, but I just "feel" bigger. I don't know if my body is changing and it is feeling different or if I am really "growing." I am just starting to feel lumpy and bumpy. I don't want to undo everything I have worked toward over the past year and a half. I KNOW how hard it is to lose weight. I KNOW how much work and thought I put into everything I ate. I don't want to have to start over again. I guess what I am trying to say in a lot of words is that I am struggling. How do you know when it is time to simply maintain (even if I am not down to where I want to be) or when to keep going?

I feel like I eat pretty healthy and I know I work out plenty. I guess it is all about portion control. That's the hardest thing to get under control. I'll admit it, I like food~ a lot. Food brings out positive emotions in me. I am usually having fun when I am eating. I am usually around friends or family when I am eating. I like food. I just need to like smaller portions of food! :0)

We will run a marathon in four weeks. I am going to work on my portion control from now until then. After we run I am going to step on the scale again and see where I am and where I need to change. I may blog about this process, too. I know I am not the only one struggling with this. I hope to help others along the way as I am trying to help myself. Feel free to ask me how it's going. I could really use the accountability.

I also realize that some people may find it shallow to talk about weight and body image. To the I say, "Don't read my blog!" That is all. :0)

Why I post about all of this...

I post about my workouts all the time. I do this for accountability and to show people that it is possible to fit exercise into a busy schedule. I have also found that some people are inspired by my journey. I love reading success stories and they inspire me, so it makes me feel good to know that some people have been inspired by reading about my journey.

I have found out lately that some people are offended by my posts. They have made comments to people I know insinuating that I am bragging in some way about what I do and how much weight I have lost. At first, I was very defensive and my feelings were hurt.

My intentions were and still are pure and I in no way ever meant to hurt any one. I know some people have "defriended" me from Facebook over this, also. Again, my feelings were hurt, but I guess I will get over it. Haters will hate, I guess.

I will not stop posting. I will continue to share about my journey~ struggles and victories. My hope is that someone will find something that encourages them or inspires them to reach beyond what they ever thought possible.

I am an open book (not so sure that is always a good thing!) and would gladly answer any questions you may have. Although I don't claim to know everything, I do know what has worked/is working for me and what has not worked in the past. If you want to know anything, just ask!!!