Alone, but not really

Today has been tough. I thought Wednesday was a hard day- until today. Today is the "official" date on my mom's death certificate. Today was the day, four years ago, it became real. I have wanted to be alone today. I had to work today, but whenever I could I HAD to be alone. At lunch today I didn't want to talk to or see anyone. I just wanted to be alone. I usually enjoy being around a lot of people. Not today. When we were finished with our meeting I began talking to Katie. We shared a lot about our families and I felt much better. I know I can never go back and undo anything from my past. I can, however, learn from the past and try to be a better mom, wife and daughter for the family I have now. I miss my mom. I wonder what life would be like with her here. But the fact is, she is not here and never will be again. I have to love my family the way they are and for who they are and, hopefully, they will love me in return. I don't want to look back some day and have any more regrets than I already do. I have been taking things out on Drew this week. I have not wanted to talk to him or be around him. It seems like everything he does gets on my nerves. I know it is not him, it is just the way I am feeling right now. I hope he will forgive me for treating him so badly. Sorry, Sweetie. I will be better, I promise!

Katie, thanks for talking with me today and listening when I needed to talk! I appreciate your willingness to stay at work longer than you had to on a Friday afternoon. You are a true friend!

So even though I felt alone today and wanted to be alone today, I know I am not really alone. I have my family, my friends and I know the Lord is always with me.
The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song. Psalms 28:7 (Don't worry, I will give thanks to him in song while no one is around!)

My next post won't be so depressing. I will try to take some pictures of my kids this weekend and hopefully they will say something very funny!