Reminiscing

I have spent some time lately reminiscing and it makes me emotional. I don't know why I have been thinking about the past, but things just keep popping up in my head. Maybe it's due to the fact that we have celebrated both of my boys' birthdays within the past month. Maybe it is because Mother's Day is this weekend and I am thinking about my mom. Maybe the end of another school year has caused me to think back. Maybe it is because my 20th high school reunion is this weekend. Maybe it is all of these things combined that has caused me to go back in time.

There are so many things I wish I could change about the past. But, if I had done things differently, would I have ended up where I am now? I like my life. I love my husband and children more than words can express. Why, then, do I have so many regrets?

I have hurt people~ sometimes intentionally, sometimes unintentionally. I have let friendships fall by the wayside. I have said/done things I wish I could take back or do over. I have wasted time and money on frivolous things. I know we all have regrets. For whatever reason, the past has just been clouding my mind lately.

Some of my thoughts have been good ones. I have thought back to when my sister was still alive. Sure we fought a lot (like sisters do), but at least she was here. I have thought a lot about my mom and the things I wish I could share with her. She would have LOVED to know my kids and spend time with them. She loved Bryson so much and would have done anything for him, including let him eat junk all day long and wonder why he was acting like a crazy boy. Oh, wait, she DID do that!

I have been thinking back to high school. I'm sure that's because our reunion is tonight. I would NEVER want to do high school again, but I would like to have my mom and sister with me again. Sometimes (oftentimes) you don't fully appreciate people until they are gone.

I am looking forward to seeing some people I haven't seen in 20 years. There is no telling what people remember about me. I think back to some people I went to school with and remember a comment, a kind gesture or a rude encounter and wonder what things I did that left an imprint on others. I probably don't even remember most of the things I did that others remember, just like others don't remember the things they did that I remember.

It is so humbling to think that a simple act, whether good or bad, can be remembered by someone for so long. It really makes me conscious about my daily encounters with people. How do I want to be remembered? What do I want others to think about if they hear my name spoken? How do I represent myself and what I believe in? Of course, I want people to think fondly of me, but do I act in a way that will make them think positive thoughts about me? Why do I care? Yeah, these are the things floating around in my head, lately! No wonder I can't remember where I put my phone!

I strive to be a good person and try to treat others the way I want to be treated. I want to represent myself in a positive light. I want others to feel good when they are around me. I want to put off a positive vibe. I was taught, mostly by example, to think of others and how they feel. I may not always do a very good job of it, but I strive to be an uplifting and positive person.

So, a lot of reminiscing has been going on. At least I still have enough of my memory where I am able to remember the past! :0)